The people that focus on what they don't have and what they need don't receive as much as the people who are grateful for what they have.

In that attitude of gratitude, like, not to rap on it, but that's really what brings that abundance.

Alrighty, folks. Welcome back to transacting value where we're encouraging dialogue from different perspectives to unite over shared values. Our theme for 20 22 is the character for your character.

So who you see when you look your values in the mirror? Now today, we're talking our December core values of faith hope and joy with founder of a better place consulting and author of paw prints on my heart, miss Bunny Young.

But before we get to her, if you're new to the podcast, welcome And if you're a continuing listener, welcome back.

Without further ado folks, I'm Porter. I'm your host, and this is transacting value. Alright, buddy. How you doing? I'm doing good. Thank you for asking.

How are you? I'm doing pretty well. Pretty well, a little busy, I guess, but productive and busy, I guess, isn't a bad thing either. So thanks for productive. Yeah. That's a fact. That's a fact. Thank you for coming on the show though.

Making some time out of your life. I appreciate it. My pleasure. I think before we get into any of these topics covering your book and really just your perspective, since nobody else can see you, let's just start with who are you.

What makes your perspective you? I think what makes my perspective me is being diagnosed with a heart condition when I was a teenager.

Cool. And being able to walk out of the doctor's office with a smile on my face. What I heard from the doctor was that I had to be really careful and fragile.

And what I felt after that appointment was that I was gonna live my life and make a difference and, you know, make sure that every day that I was given was lived to the fullest, not in an irresponsible way, but it led to a lot of decisions in my life like moving to China and being a professional stuntwoman.

And I moved down to Ecuador and volunteered in an orphanage. And so as far as who I am today, all of those experiences added up to me being I'm from a huge military family.

And my spouse is in the military. And so I was a therapist and ended up really seeing that I could have a more positive impact on the world, doing more coaching and consulting within organizations and for entrepreneurs.

And so it's like every path that I've chosen has been about, okay, you were given this gift of another day. What are you going to do with it and not just take for granted that, oh, something that I think I should be doing.

I'll do it in 10 years because that was never a guarantee for me. Yeah. No. I'm glad to hear you you took it easy then. That's good. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Definitely. Man, see, I wish we had more time.

I'd love to hear some more of yours. Do you have a book? About your stories? You know, it's really funny that you asked that because you asked me, you know, what the title of my book is, and there's, like, 4 of them at this point.

And none of them are about me. Like, I wrote an equine manual for equine therapy when I was going to school for it because there wasn't a book that was authored by a therapist who was also a cowgirl.

And I brought both of those perspectives. And then I wrote a book during the pandemic with 1 of my business partners about how to own working from home because that's something that I do and have done. Mhmm.

But I have not I guess the closest thing is paw prints on my heart because it has not to spoil it, but there's a guest author in that book And so it's my perspective and it's the guest author's perspective on my life pretty much from being diagnosed with a heart condition all the way up to when my first service dog passed away, which 2018.

So that's the closest you're gonna get to a book about me right now. Well, that's fair.

But 1 day, if you ever do decide to talk about it, Send me an email. Let me know. I'd love to read it. Alright. Deal. Thank you. A stuntwoman in China, working at an orphanage in Ecuador. Therapy or therapist, counseling, consulting.

Obviously, you're a wife. You've got a family in a personal life you're cultivating on top of all of those things. And you don't look that old, so you crammed all of that into a relatively short period of time.

Yeah. How do you balance all of that? So you said that I have a family that I'm cultivating on top of everything, and that's the perspective that a lot of people have.

And my rebuttal my friendly rebuttal to that is I'm cultivating that family within everything that I do. And so everything I own 5 companies, and people are like, how do you do 5 companies?

Well, I don't work 5 jobs. I have 1 purpose that I've shown up on this earth to complete. And it may mean that I need a series of companies in order to move the needle. On that purpose. And so I show up and I'm funny in every situation.

And this has been something that you know, I've been working on for a decade now is to show up and be authentically me in spaces that welcome that rather than trying to make myself small for the situation that I'm in.

And normally, I have, like, bright turquoise streaks in my hair. And I still work with the federal government and the United States military on pretty much a weekly basis.

For those of you no 1 can see me, but, you know, I'm wearing skeleton earrings in the middle of while we're recording this, which is the end of September.

Because it's a business like, this is business attire. And it's all about the human beneath the job and being able to connect with that.

And showing up as you. Because I truly believe that over days and years that you're showing up, less than you that those parts of you that make you so special start to not be as refined. And then we kinda forget ourselves.

We forget who we are without the business card, without the title. And when I'm working with individuals in the military, they have no idea after they've retired, you know, who they're gonna show up at.

And so to remind you that you are you in every situation, and you're also the only you on the face of this planet. And so I don't feel a sense of burnout.

The only time that I feel a sense of burnout is when I'm not aligning fully with myself. And I'm trying to see all of these different people for all these different situations and things. That's when I'll start to burn out.

I was gonna bring up the retired service member piece as an example and then you did. And then I thought, oh, okay. Well, that's gotta be sort of like any other regular day, you wear a uniform at school and you're a student.

Where you were a uniform at work and you're a worker in any capacity, but then you talked about the importance of being authentic and true to yourself. So you took a lot of my ammunition except for 1 piece.

How do you identify that? Because that's all on the assumption that you know what your baseline is. So what worked for you? How did you build that awareness? It starts with awareness and then the integration of that awareness.

And so what happens with a lot of us from that integrative state is we take the aligned action. What happens with a lot of us is we become aware something and then we take an action on it or become aware of something and we stuff it.

And so we have this awareness within us every single day. I work with hundreds of people every single year who are like, I don't love my job.

It's not your job, it's aspects of your job. And so what are the aspects of your job? Or what are the aspects of the relationship? Because it's not a person.

If you really are honest with yourself, the patterns that you're playing out with a particular person in your job that you don't like, you've probably played out with a family member, with a loved 1, in a relationship, or even in another job.

So there's this myth that if I quit my job and just go to another job, that I'll be happier. Mhmm.

However, if you don't evaluate that awareness, and really be honest with yourself because it's not a hundred percent of the job, even if you were to come to me, and this is going for my therapy background, if you were like, I'm sad.

You're sad about something. So a part of you is sad. A hundred percent of you is not sad.

And I can prove this by coming up with a memory that makes you happy. And so sadness is a feeling, and feelings are meant to be felt. What happens is they stick around because we start to tell stories.

Well, yeah, I'm sad because I I hate my job. I'm sad because I don't have any money. And so it's like you're telling yourself this story. And this is where you can actually give yourself the freedom.

To be able to say, okay, I'm actually hopeful because now I'm aware of what's making me sad and where the sadness is coming from. Already folks sit tight and we'll be right back on transacting value. Alrighty, folks.

This is Porter, host of transacting value, a podcast showcasing real people with different perspectives uniting a conversation over shared values. Develop a willingness and a confidence to be vulnerable can be scary for anyone.

But no matter the inherent beauty of each culture or the drastic differences among them, Everyone has a unique perspective to offer, through which someone else can learn.

Every person interprets a set of personal values that guides their decisions, develop their character and shrouds their sphere of influence. Tell you what, search, transacting value podcast.

On Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter to reach out via social media or listen in to our new episodes, streaming every day at 9AM Eastern Standard Time on all your favorite podcast platforms like Apple Podcast Stitcher, Amazon Music, Audious, or Audible, For different perspectives, talk through shared values.

Tune in. Check out transacting value. And this is where you can actually give yourself the freedom. To be able to say, okay, I'm actually hopeful because now I'm aware of what's making me sad.

And where the sadness is coming from. All feelings, all emotions are just messengers. They're trying to deliver us a message in order to take that aligned action.

And we've gotten really good at not feeling our feelings or at least that's what we're telling ourselves. And when a feeling isn't felt, it gets stored in the body.

And either 1 of 2 things happen, it gets louder as far as the feeling gets more intense, or you end up, like, in the instances of burnout When people are not listening to that burnout, they end up becoming physically ill.

And that's the body saying I told you we needed a break. I told you we need to do something different.

You didn't listen, so now I'm gonna shut you down. I had a conversation with a lady a couple months ago. We're talking about how your mental Well, your mental perspective, but your thoughts can physically be toxic to you.

Yeah. And she harbored a lot of resentment towards her ex husband for a number of reasons. Some fact, some fiction depending on who you talk to. But in that process over the last few decades, it actually did make her sick.

Mhmm. So it's it's interesting when you say to be able to process that in a certain aspect obviously for your physical health, but also just for your own well-being and be able to really identify what it is you're feeling.

In order to either move past, move through, accept, forgive whatever outcome applies. Yeah. 1 of the things you just brought up though, this distancing, I guess, from our emotions or from our feelings.

Assuming you even recognize them in the first place, I think as people, it's so much easier to go towards the path of least resistance.

In a conversation, maybe it's avoiding an argument. Maybe it's not if you think you have the upper hand and you wanna pick a fight. The usual towards pleasure away from pain sort of dichotomy.

Right? So increasing distance. In some cases, increasing dissonance is the easier way to go more often than not than confronting whatever emotions or feelings we're having about something.

Right? So once you realize that you have that wake up call based on your experience, your background, maybe even some anonymous stories of from your clients, but what trends have you seen in coping with that wake up?

Like, once you identify, like, oh, man. I didn't even know I was doing this. I didn't even know that caused me to feel this way, whatever.

Like, there's a relative degree of trauma that can come from that. Yeah. So what then? So 1 of the things that you said that I wanna go a little deeper into is, like, avoiding the negative emotion.

Mhmm. And we have these little, like, thermostats in our body, these set points. And so it's not just negative emotions that we'll avoid feeling.

Think about the last time you received a compliment. Did you fully receive it, or did you shut it down? Okay. And so what happens is we're programmed, you know, with this set point that comes with a story that we think we have.

And so when something challenges that story, whether it's negative or positive, will stop it and be like no because it doesn't align with that that point or and this is, you know, true stories from working with clients that's especially true around money.

They're used to making 50, 60, 75000 dollars, and then we start working together from a business standpoint.

And they start making 250 to 400000 dollars And then this is the same thing where, like, I think 86 percent of lottery winners filed for bankruptcy within the first 5 years of them winning the lottery.

Is because they're not allowing themselves to feel worthy of that increase in money. And it's the story around some of them. It's you know, I have to work hard to make money.

And if you challenge that story, you can see that there's a lot of ways to make money without actually having to work hard, whether it's investing, whether it's an affiliate, that's all business stuff.

And so Since they didn't work hard necessarily if it's an efficiency thing, they'll tank the money that they're earning and their income.

Or it'll show up in their relationship where they'll start to pick fights in their relationship because it's like it can't be this good.

And so whether it's a positive emotion or whether it's a negative emotion, what is your vision for yourself? And who do you show up at in that vision?

That person that's sitting on the couch trying to manifest the million dollars, I'm not saying that it's going to not happen in my experience, I haven't seen a million dollars plopped down on the couch next to somebody who is trying to manifest it, but that magic that I shared about with the aligned action that you take.

So it's becoming aware and then it's understanding why that message is coming. So if you refute a compliment, what do you fear would happen if you accepted that compliment?

Well, I've I accept that compliment, then something gonna happen because every time something good happens to me, something bad happens. And we have all of these stories.

I'm not saying those are yours, but we have all of these stories that we're telling ourselves. And so it does come from that awareness of it and being able to welcome both the positive and the negative as just messages.

People say that it's difficult to peel. It's not actually difficult to feel. It's the resistance to feeling that is difficult.

And so receiving a compliment is not that difficult. It's your resistance to receiving that compliment and that story that you're telling yourself that you can't receive a compliment that makes it difficult.

To feel a feeling, it takes the maximum of 90 seconds for a feeling to move through your body.

And in fact, if you have sadness in your body, if you can locate where you're feeling sad in your body and breathe into it, I guarantee you within 5 breaths it's going to start to soften and lessen enlighten.

And if you're somebody who has pain in their neck from stress, you breathe into that sensation, breathe into pain, you bring awareness to it rather than avoiding feeling it, and that feeling will soften.

That feeling will lighten. Maybe it won't go away, but how long have you been feeling it?

And so really just removing as much as you can, breathing into that resistance to feeling, and you're starting to receive all of these messages and the wisdom that your body has.

We're 95 percent logical. We're 95 percent conscious being. The other 95 percent in order to keep us alive and this is neuroscience that the other 95 percent of our neurological processing is subconscious and unconscious.

We don't think about how to shower. We don't think about how to brush our teeth. We don't think about that because that's our brains trying to conserve energy.

So we're just doing what we always have done and it's an unconscious program. And so if what you've always done is make 75000 dollars, you challenge that unconscious program to say I'm a person who makes a million dollars.

Then that logical brain start to make those decisions from that unconscious programming. Yeah. But that I don't know about unconscious bias.

I don't know if that's a thing. But subconscious bias, I guess then. How do you get around it. I mean, you just talked about taking an active role to sort of help breed acceptance and move through whatever resistance applies there.

But if you've been for whatever number of input supply in your life or did apply in your life at 1 point, cause you to start telling yourself these stories that you were talking about. I'm not worthy.

I don't deserve this. Maybe I really won't become anything whatever. It can't be this simple. I need to work harder for this and I don't feel like I put any effort into it so I can appreciate it. However, you self sabotage.

Those types of stories. If they're what you've been telling yourself and it's what's been breeding that resistance, how then do you encourage that say for doesn't have to be for kids, but let's just say for other people.

They're not in your head, but if everybody's experiencing the same problem, there's gotta be some sort of simple, generalized solution to get the ball rolling.

Right? Yeah. So the simplest thing is gratitude. If you can bring more awareness into what you are grateful for in your life, you'll automatically start to bring more abundance into your life.

Alrighty. Folks sit tight and we'll be right back on transacting value. Hey, y'all. It's Juules here with the b and the bear creations. We specialize in custom tumblers, t shirt, car decals, and anything else you can think of.

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I look forward to helping you create your custom item. So the simplest thing is gratitude. If you can bring more awareness into what you are grateful for in your life, you'll automatically start to bring more abundance into your life.

Because the more that you can see what you have, the people that focus on what they don't have and what they need, don't receive as much as the people who are grateful for what they have.

And that attitude of gratitude, like, not to wrap on it, but that's really what brings that abundance. And not somebody who if you think about need as like a closed fist, and you're holding on to something with a closed fist.

How much surface area for life do you have in a closed fist? And if you think about gratitude as an open hand, an open palm, and how much surface area is in a open palm.

That's where you can actually make more room 4 things in your life. So that's a really simple way. The other thing is to welcome whatever resistance comes up and get the message from that.

So for me, personally, it started with thanking the patterns that I have for getting me where I am. And then challenging it in a way to say, is this serving me?

Is this serving me for the vision that I have for my life? Is this serving me to pass this down to my children. It's this serving me to have this program running while I'm growing multiple businesses.

1 of mine was I have to work hard to make money. And so I'd be working a hundred hours a week. You wanna talk about lack of alignment and balance. And, you know, in working with my coach, like, I'm working to support my family.

Like, why can't my family see that? Well, if my intention was to support my family. There's more than financially. My family was begging for more time with me.

Now I was saying I can't because I've gotta make all this money for you so we can go on vacation together. My family would rather live a different lifestyle completely with less money and have more of me.

And so it took that awareness of why am I doing the things that I'm doing? And the answer is for most of us because I've always done them that way.

And so then you slow it down and you say is this still serving me? Without judgement, trust me, there's no time that you've lost. You're exactly where you're supposed to be.

And if you're listening to this and things are resonating for you, then this is that time to start documenting your gratitude in the morning and in the evening, and then also, you know, what is 1 thing today that's no longer serving you?

1 habit. And you can make a 1 percent change maybe every day or every week. And even if you do 1 percent every week, that's 52 percent by the end of the year of huge huge shift.

Sure. The surface area you were talking about to be able to experience life, interpret life, appreciate it, be gracious for it, whatever you've got, revolving around life.

There's a I guess you call it a principle. I learned when I was a kid. I never actually looked it up.

I truthfully forgot about it until you just brought this up now. But I'm pretty sure it's a South Korean phrase called Bak Tong and anybody that hears this if I misinterpret that. Sorry. But the concept though is empty rice bowl.

Right? So you can't put more into something that's full. But if you maintain an appreciation, if you maintain a level of awareness, if you maintain a hunger, your bowl stays empty enough to learn more.

Mhmm. And once you start getting comfortable, once you start taking for granted what you have, gradually, that bowl's just gonna fill because you're no longer using it towards any positive end and so that's the principle.

But as you were describing it, that's where my head went.

And then you said pattern recognition, which I guess I'm more of a negative person than I realized because listening to you talk I'm thinking about all these concepts and these constructs that I think I know where you're gonna go.

Clearly, there's a more negative connotation here. And then not at all. It's all positive. Everything you keep bringing up, and I'm like, man, I'm way off the mark. Here's an example. You started talking about pattern recognition.

And for me, I think safety, I think security, I think processing mental capacity, identify patterns, that type of learning and understanding. I don't know that I've ever actually consciously thought about, yeah.

Okay. But what are the good trends? What are the positive impacts that are going well? That I'm able to scale, repeat, teach, exude, fill in the blank towards a positive end.

I never thought about it till now. But if that is a goal and what you're trying to accomplish is just be a better human, and help other people learn to do that. That understanding of those patterns is almost more important.

Right? Yeah. Yeah. So I'll give you an example of that around safety. So when we go out to a restaurant, I fully understand that it's gonna be my husband and my dad sitting facing the door.

Like, that is their programming from military. They have to see the door. They have to locate the exit. Working in social services that I did when I first got into being a therapist.

I have it wired in my brain to locate the access And then I sit down at the table knowing that my dad and my husband have to see the door, and I enjoy my meal.

I don't think again about somebody coming in that door. Until that moment happens, I'm here. I'm present with my kids. And I've watched my dad and my husband continually glance. At the door, and they're in anticipation.

And so their set point is of basically anxiety for the entire meal. That's gonna impact how they metabolize their food. That's gonna impact how they memor like, how they store these memories around.

You know, this time together. Whereas, for me, my pattern was, as long as you know where the exits are, you've found where the exits are, and until that moment where something happens, you're good.

And it probably is a little bit around I have my dad and my husband there.

And so they're hyper vigilant, though. Will impact my kids who have not necessarily learned. Because they'll ask my dad a question, and sometimes they'll have to ask again because they're not fully present there.

And so 1 of those examples that I've worked with with my clients, well, what if And it's like, yeah. And we're actually in a better energetic state if we don't play the what if game all the time.

If a werewolf walked into the studio right now, I'm still safe. If the werewolf 10 feet away, 5 feet away, 1 feet 1 foot away, I'm still safe.

And so all of the adrenaline that dumps into my body for fight or flight when I see the werewolf is actually too early. Mhmm. I don't need to be concerned until I'm being attacked by the werewolf at that point.

Now could I get a head start running when the werewolf is 10 feet away? Yes. However, I'm still safe. The truth is I'm still safe. So telling myself I'm not safe is not helping me in that moment. From an energetic standpoint. Sure.

Well, I mean, just being present in any respective moment is gonna make a difference whether it's active listening in a conversation, whether it's trying to appeal to somebody or or satisfy some sort of an argument and try to address an issue or just listen Maybe you don't even need to respond.

Or what is the other person actually trying to say? And am I too caught up in my own head to understand what's happening in this situation. The anxiety piece I'm sorry to cut you off the anxiety piece is Huge.

It hadn't really occurred to me before, but the fact that you feel anxious is because of things that haven't happened yet. Which means they're still in your control to 1 degree or another to manage the outcome.

And so because you have a semblance of control, well, now what are you really that worried about? Maybe that's a confidence issue on the back end. Maybe it's not.

I'm not entirely sure, but Before we dive a little bit further into essentially just being your own emotional support animal, let's take a break for a second, and everybody listening will be right back on transacting value.

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Again, I'm Porter. I'm your host, and we're talking about essentially being your own emotional support animal. But before we get too far into all that stuff, first of all, Bonnie, welcome back to the show.

Thank you so much. Yeah. So glad to be here. Thank you very much for taking some time and continuing to carry on the conversation because I'm learning a lot. And if nothing else selfishly, I really appreciate the opportunity too.

But 1 of the things What I'm here for? Yeah. Well, thank you. 1 of the things we talked about before we took that break is Like I said, being your own emotional support animal.

Right? So it's not so much self reliance in in its entirety that I'm talking about, but also self awareness. So we mentioned anxiety -- Mhmm. -- as aspects of some sort of future potential outcome. It just hasn't happened yet.

Yeah. Right. But I imagine in your background, you've got like a textbook definition. Like, what's your understanding of anxiety? I could pull out the DSM5 and give you the actual clinical definition of anxiety.

However, 1 of the things that's most helpful to my clients and the communities that I talk to to understand about anxiety is first off it only exists in the future.

So I used to say it exists in the past, and the future. However, what you're doing is you're anticipating something in the future and you're using your previous experiences to predict what you think is going to happen.

And so anxiety, by definition, is literally confused energy. It's energy that doesn't know where to go yet. And so it's not bad. But when you're feeling anxious, you can direct that energy at something.

And so that's really what I like to share with people around anxiety because there's stigma that anxiety is bad. And really what it is is that anxiousness is I'm ready to do something.

And so even hunger, is a form of physical anxiety. And the reason that we have that energetic hunger and we get anxious about it as people call it being hangry is because Thousands of years ago, we needed to go out and kill something.

And so it made sense for our bodies to get all of this energy to go out and kill something gather berries or do whatever it was in order to satiate ourselves.

Well, now in the land of being able to pick up your phone and have meals delivered in 20 minutes, We have a lot of that excess energy.

We don't really know what to do with it. And so being able to direct this energy, being able to change that thermostat at that point, for ourselves also helps with anxiety.

And, you know, just noticing what that feeling is and noticing that whatever you might be anxious about hasn't actually happened yet.

I know we were talking about the emotional support animals. And 1 of the things that I love to differentiate between emotional support animals and service animals is an emotional support animal just makes you feel better.

Right? A service animal is for an individual with a disability and they perform tasks. They actually do something to mitigate that disability.

And to me, that's so much of a great distinction in the land of anxiety is because it's the difference between Oh, I'm not feeling anxious anymore versus I have something to do or I have a direction to release that energy.

And so to me, you know, in working with my service animals, the fact that when I feel something, they can actually help mitigate that disability, mitigate whatever bad thing is going to happen is different than just having an emotional support animal or a pet come up and just make me feel better.

Overall, for my health, there's a huge difference for me between having a service animal and having a pet or having an emotional support animal.

And when we can do that for ourselves as well, when I feel this, I do this and it helps versus when I feel this, I do this to not fuel it anymore.

Mhmm. Rather than avoidance and resistance, we're actually doing something proactive or positive. Yeah. And then that avoidance or we're like we even talked about earlier that trend towards self sabotage and resistance.

Mhmm. Is there another option. You know what I mean? Like, not everybody can have a service animal to help alert them of, hey, look, man, you're you're going down this weird crazy confused energy direction.

You know what I mean? Like -- Yeah. -- you need to calm yourself down, redirect this energy, you need to put some Organization to your thoughts, take a breath.

To your definition, a service animal obviously is more to alert medical personnel, but could also then help you be aware of what's happening.

Yeah. What if you're your own barometer though? Absolutely. And I'm obligated to do that for myself. Otherwise, my service animal would burn out.

Mhmm. If I didn't have that awareness around myself, it'd be impossible to appropriately train my service animal or I would need a professional to be able to train my service animal knowing my disabilities and knowing my needs.

So knowing what you need, knowing what you desire, knowing what is good for your health is absolutely foundational whether you have a service animal or not.

And so that's that awareness piece. You know, instead of having it be external, I'm anxious because Porter's asking me all these questions. Being like, well, why am I actually anxious? What if it is all inside of me?

I'm anxious because I really want to leave a positive impact on those of you that are listening to this, and I want to be able to provide that positive knowledge and wisdom from my experience and my variety of experiences. Okay.

Well, is that anxiety helping me do that? No. So then I can stop and take a breath and be like, what date would best help me deliver the most impactful and meaningful wisdom to this audience, well, from a confident and relaxed state.

And so I'm taking back my power instead of saying, Quarter's making me feel x, what if it's all in me?

What if it's internal? And I could go home and I could blame you or I could blame somebody else for my feelings, or I can actually listen to, what is it that that anxiety actually wants from me?

Well, it wants me to not screw up on this podcast. And so then when I realized that, then I can start to tend to those needs.

And it's like, oh, man. Like, okay. You've done thousands of podcasts. You know what you're doing just to relax and that breeds that confidence and that breeds that relaxation and just taking a deep breath.

So it's a combination of the thought and the somatic, which means, like, in your body, the physical. Alrighty, folks. Sit tight, and we'll be right back on transacting value.

Alrighty, folks. Here transacting value, we write and produce all the material for our podcast in house. Game perspective alongside you, our listeners. And exchange vulnerability and dialogue with our contributors every Monday morning.

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Gets you a 20 dollar credit if you sign up for a paid plan and help support the show. 1 more value for your values? Bussprout can do that too. And so then when I realized that, then I can start to tend to those needs.

And it's like, oh, man. Like, okay. You've done thousands of podcasts, you know what you're doing, just relax, and that breeds that confidence and that breeds that relaxation and just taking a deep breath.

So it's a combination of the thoughts and the somatic, which means, like, in your body, the physical.

And so you've been doing this like you said for a while. Maybe not just podcast, but processing this perspective and honing it into your own style.

For a while. But you started this as a kid, you know, elementary school. You started this in high school. I don't expect that was the case. And so how do you encourage this then in kids to be more self aware?

Yeah. So I'll use a real world example from I have 2 amazing brilliant daughters, and I was asking them to put laundry away. And I can keep coming in and keep nagging them and nagging them and nagging them.

And I stopped and I was like, hey. How do you feel when your laundry is put away? How do you feel in the morning when you're tired and you're getting up for school and you're confident that you know where everything is in your room.

You're not having to navigate around these positive flows. You're like, well, I don't know. And I'm like, do you feel better? Or do you prefer to step over all of these clothes? And they're like, well, no.

We feel better. And what happens when you do step on all of your cleaning clothes? Will they become dirty? And then can you wear what you want to school? No. And how do you feel when you can't find what you want to wear to school?

I don't like it. And so I just kind of leave that thought and let them percolate and walk out of the room. And wouldn't you know, like, they put their laundry away.

They're not putting their laundry away because mom told them to or mom forced them to or mom made it where they had to where there was a consequence. They're putting laundry away because ultimately it's in their best interest.

Because you've communicated the value that they interpret. I'd asked powerful questions. Yeah. And I gave them back their power by asking those questions versus do this thing because I'm asking you to over and over and over again.

It served me, and I'm not saying that it works for every situation, but it served me to give them back their power and say, how will this ultimately serve you? Instead doing it for me, how does it work to serve you -- Mhmm.

-- when you do it? You know? And it's awesome because it's funny, like, they'll put their laundry away and then run back out and maybe, like, is there anything else we can do?

Because they're directing this energy into you know, creating less payoff in their lives, and kids love consistency.

And even when I am, they're doing attention seeking behavior. I can call them out and be like, I know what you want. I'm hearing that you want my attention. Is this the kind of attention that you want from me?

Well, no. We want you to go jump on the trampoline with that 3. We want you to go ride horses with us. Like, okay. So what are a couple things that we need to get done before we can go do that?

And I can fully give you that attention. And they'll just, like, name some stuff off. And we have a chalkboard in our kitchen. And in the mornings, like, some of the most common questions are Can we do this?

Can we do that? And so we collaborated and made a list on the chalkboard that's like, if you want to do this, here are the things that you need to get done.

And so they'll still come in and be like, hey, can we do this? And I'm like, well, I don't know. I think it's on the chalkboard though.

And only you can answer that question. So then they'll go check the chalkboard, and it's pretty amazing sometimes how when I give them back their power, how powerful they become, rather than just the constant argument.

Another example is about these like mini muffins for them. And they're constantly asking me if they can eat the mini muffins.

And I'm like, well, the answer is yes. However, what are the mini muffins for? I'm like, well, as a morning snack, when we're on our way school because we have a longer school ride.

Mhmm. And I said, so what happens if you eat all this? I'm like, well, then we don't have them for school. I'm like, okay. Are you okay with that? Said, no.

We want them for school. So back to your question. Can you read the mini muffins now? No. We'll save them for school. And then I'm no longer the villain. They're making their own decisions. Yeah. It's interesting you bring that up.

I think there's a blurred line or at least generally speaking seems like there's a blurred line now where to your words giving them back their power by enabling, vice hand holding, vice, call it raising up on a pedestal where matter of fact, there was even I don't know if I call it a trend, but a lot of videos online, a lot of pictures, even some commercials on TV, maybe close to a decade ago now.

I don't remember. Where it was sort of mocking that aspect of kids making decisions and parents being like, oh, well then I have to do it that way because my kid says that's what they want. My kid says that's what needs to happen.

And it was giving control to people that didn't have the authority to exercise it. Mhmm. And to your example just now, enabling people, children in this case, to understand more critically, causation, conflict resolution -- Yeah.

-- repercussions of your decisions is all in the same train of thought, but it can be done from a lot more positive of an aspect where you're not really relegating any control In fact, you're implementing controls for an environment for them to learn within, but ultimately you're still in charge.

And I think that's powerful. And if you ask my kids, they understand consequences.

And most kids, if you ask them about consequences, they'll say they're negative. But for my kids, they understand that consequences have both positive and negative connotations. So them being able to self regulate their emotions.

And when my kid comes up and she's crying, I don't try to stop her from crying. I try to understand and help her communicate why she's upset and where this emotion is coming from and that it's safe to feel that emotion.

And, yes, you know, I have the benefit of being a therapist and I have a benefit of a background in child trauma and psychology. However, I'll be the first to tell you as soon as you have kids.

I'm not their therapist. I'm their mom. Mhmm. And so it's not easy to maintain that calm demeanor and professionalism when it's your own kids, and you're tired, and there's a pile of laundry on the floor.

But ultimately, my responsibility, I believe, as a parent, is to be able to raise positive contributing citizens of society.

And I don't think that me putting the laundry away for them or me consistently nagging them to do something that's ultimately in their best interest is gonna lead to that.

So I've been accused of running my family like I run my businesses because I do ask powerful questions with my team as well.

However, I do believe, like, just with my team that my kids have these gifts, and they're here for a reason. And so I wanna support them in coming into their own.

I don't want them to live life on my behalf and wanna support them in coming into their own. And as we talked about, like, generation, I remember growing up, and I wasn't a huge fan of gun.

And I didn't really wanna drive a stick shift, but my dad maintained that I had to learn how to change the oil on my car, drive a stick shift, and learn how to fire gun, load a gun, clean a gun, disassemble a gun.

And I didn't have to like it, but I had to learn how to do it. And he took the time to explain that ultimately it would be in my best interest even if I never picked up a gun again to be able to know how to do it.

And he did somewhat politely insist on competency -- Mhmm. -- throughout, you know, those experiences of maintaining how to know how to do these things.

And to this day, I still know how to drive a fixture, I still know how to safely handle a gun. And so if I was ever put in that situation, I still have now, I don't necessarily walk around worrying about it all the time.

And I was also given the decision. Like he had said, you know, you don't have to like it. I just need you to learn how to do it. And then ultimately, you can decide not to do it on a regular basis. Alrighty, folks.

Sit tight, and we'll be right back on transacting value. For anyone looking for step by step tools and support to reach your goals while still showing up fully for your family and having your sanity intact, I've got good news.

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Did I mention it's free? See the link in the show notes for more information. To this day, I still know how to drive a fixture, I still know how to safely handle a gun.

And so if I was ever put in that situation, I still have it now. I don't necessarily walk around worrying about it all the time. And I was also given the decision, like he had said, you know, you don't have to like it.

I just need to learn how to do it. And then ultimately, you can decide not to do it on a regular basis. That's powerful alone. You know, being able to For 1, afford those opportunities.

And then 2, encourage the comprehension behind the competency. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, more man. It's more me. But, bunny, that actually brings us up to the last segment of our show. That's called developing character.

Developing character. Will you play? Yeah. Absolutely. Alright. So I appreciate everything you've brought up so far, but This tends to be a little bit more personal, so feel free to answer as in-depth and be as vulnerable as you want.

Now the way this works is 3 questions. Your perspective is really all that matters here. So there's not a right or wrong answer. But question 1, what were some of your values? Growing up as a kid as a teenager.

I think as a kid, 1 of my values, was a hard work. Respect, and self determination. I guess I would change that to, like, independent. It meant a lot to me that not only that I did something, but that I did it independently.

Yeah. There's a lot of ride that comes with that obviously, but satisfaction and fulfillment go a long way in knowing you can handle and take care of yourself.

Yeah. And respect was for people as well as for things, you know, growing up, I was taught. You need to leave something better than you found it. Mhmm. And if you borrow it, put it back, exactly where it was supposed to be.

Full tank of gas, the whole thing. Yeah. Some principles really shouldn't change too much. I agree. Oh, well, now I'm the first person to leave an empty car, like, in my dad's driveway because I have a magical gasoline fairy.

Yeah. So Yeah. That happens. You go to bed 1 night and wake up the next morning, you're like, wow. That was great. I don't know how that happened. Yeah. That's changed a little bit. But if I borrow somebody else's car, return it full.

Yeah. It's at least a courtesy, you know. Yeah. It goes a long way. But so saying that now then, Question 2, what values do you try to embody now? Loyalty, Joat Aviva, which is joy of life.

The authenticity. And then 1 that we just added to our company core values is the Rocky and b value, which means that we're not gonna do anything that if I told my kids, they wouldn't be proud of.

So we're not gonna work with anybody or take on any project or conduct any business that if I shared with my kids, they wouldn't be proud of.

That's a cool metric. We had a conversation with a guy mid July, I think it was. His name was Casey Wright, and we talked about essentially being a present you that future you can look back on and be proud of?

Yeah. But all things considered really your kids are the future you. So That's a cool pair of There'll be a much better version than me.

There's still time for you to grow. Don't sell yourself short. But so third question then. What sort of values do you think or how do you think your values will change in the next 20 years?

What I've learned about values is that I continue to simplify. I mean, I added the Rocky and B value, but I've continued to make them, you know, my own.

And we just spent this summer in Europe together as a family, and my husband's deployed. And so with kind of 1 of these rare opportunities, like trips of a lifetime, and being in different cultures.

And I speak French. And so bringing French words into our company values just kind of it impacted the global sense of our company, but also of my heart and my soul in the aspect that not just we have clients that we do worldwide.

We're also looking at our view on how to be more culturally inclusive. And so I think as I get older, I'll find better ways to explain authenticity and loyalty, and I'll probably upgrade them.

And I think at the end of the day, when I pass away. There'll be 1 value that'll be less. And not that I'm gonna be doing business out side of the values that I've stated because those are for the company.

But I think as I get older and as life starts to become more simple, there's really just gonna be 1 defining value my hypothesis that I will live by, and everything else will just be habitual.

It won't be a value that I necessarily have to think about or have to live by because it'll just be habitual at that point. But I to look at the values that I had when I was younger, hard work.

It's not that I don't value hard work anymore. I just value time with my kids more. Mhmm. And so it's not something that a value to me is something that I'm willing to, like, walk out on an I beam or, you know, died by sword for.

I'm not gonna compromise it no matter what the threat is. And so when you put it that way, it's like the Rocky and B values, it's definitely gonna stand.

Enjoy of life is probably gonna transform into, you know, just something that my life is. Good for you. Well, I appreciate you taking some time to like I said, have this conversation and and ultimately contribute.

But realistically, Just to be vulnerable, maybe in a format that isn't in your day to day, namely in this case, talking to invisible strangers, but I really appreciate the opportunity at least for me to be able to listen and talk to you and and share your perspective a little bit.

But to whatever extent I can speak for everybody listening, I'm sure they do as well. So thank you very much. No. It's my pleasure. Thank you guys for listening, and thank you guys for making the world a better place.

Yeah. Now saying that, if anybody wants to reach to you, maybe look into some of your seminars, books, consulting, you as a person and just say, hey, what's up, Bonnie?

Anything? How do people how do people reach out? So the best way is on bunny young dot com or a better place consulting dot com.

There's kind of free stuff there that we've intentionally put there so that you can get started. If you're listening to this and you're inspired, we put that stuff there so that you can just keep the momentum going.

If you wanna reach out to me directly on Instagram is the best way, and my handle is at bunny has sick legs, and it's the number 6 because I have a service animal.

So that is basically the best way to connect with me. And also if you're wanting to keep this momentum going, I'd from, encourage you to visit the website.

Perfect. Alright. And for everybody listening, we'll be able to have all of those links and Bunnies social media profiles in the show notes for this episode as well.

So just jump on, click see more, click show more depending on your playing platform, and you'll be able to see all that stuff in the description as well. But again, Bonnie, thank you very much, and I appreciate your time.

Absolutely. Thank you for having me. It was an honor. Yeah. You're welcome. You're welcome. Thank you for saying that. And for everybody listening, thank you for joining in and listen to our December core values of faith, hope, and joy.

I'd also like to thank all things considered a better place consulting for giving up your founder and a little bit of time and some insight for inspiring this conversation And just life in general, sort of like bunny alluded to earlier, there's a lot of things that we can experience as people, either in groups or as individuals, that really we can learn a lot from.

And in some cases, it's just hearing that you're not alone and not by yourself. So, Bonnie, for everything you contributed I'd personally like to thank you for your inspiration you brought to this episode as well.

But to our show partners, thank you to Keystone Farmers Market. Being the bear creations and, obviously, buzzsprout for your distribution couldn't do without you.

But if you're interested in joining our conversation or you wanna discover our other interviews, you can check out transacting value podcast dot com.

Remember you can follow along on social media or search on Google, duck dot gov, Bing, whatever your preferred search engine is, either transacting value podcast or survival dad y t, and you'll be able to find all these episodes as well on there.

Now remember we stream new interviews every Monday at 9AM Eastern Standard Time on all your favorite podcasting platforms. So folks, I appreciate your time. I appreciate you tuning in. But until next time, that was transacting value.