Alrighty folks.

 

Welcome back to SDYT the podcast. I'm Porter. I'm your host, and we're talking to real people with different perspectives over shared values. Here in the month of May, we're covering respect courage, and integrity is our core values.

 

This particular interview though, we're also gonna inject a fair amount of honesty, listener, where, but this is honest honesty, not just like saying words for the sake of it.

 

Right? This is positive affirmation. This is accepting your own feedback to yourself and the ability to be critical to yourself and then the willingness to accept it and listen to it and implement changes for the better.

 

As we get into those things, we'll be interviewing a friend of mine, actually my first platoon sergeant when I started in the Marine Corps, his name's Brandon Thompson.

 

But before we get to that for any of our new listeners, welcome to the podcast and for any of our listeners. Welcome back. So without further ado, folks, I'm Porter.

 

I'm your host, and this is SD YT the podcast. Alrighty folks. Welcome back to SDYT the podcast where we're talking with real people, different perspectives over shared values. Brandon, welcome to the podcast man.

 

How you doing? I'm doing great, man. Thanks. Thanks for having me on the podcast, brother. I just see that you have something going. Really enjoyed it so far. I appreciate you listening and tuning in. Yeah. Thanks for your support.

 

I'm curious about some of these topics that you and I had discussed and sort of emailed back and forth before we got here, but Before we get to all those things, let's sort of work a little bit of relatability here with the listeners.

 

So they have an idea who to listen to. I've got you on a video but they've got nothing. So Who who is Brandon Thompson, man? You know, where are you from? What do you do?

 

What's what's growing your life? Yes. So I live here in Northwest, Oklahoma. I re you know, I retired from the court back in 20 13 due to the terror program, and then moved back to Oklahoma with my girlfriend, who's now my wife.

 

Got 2 beautiful kids. One's 5. One's 2. Be 3 in July. Men went through several jobs. Finally landed 1 that I love. Now I spend my time fishing, golfing, and hunting with my son.

 

We spend more time on the golf course than anything. And I try to do family things, and you know, that infamous college degree that I'm, you know, it's taken me 7 years to get.

 

Sure. Pretty busy life. That's pretty much what I do. So what are you studying? Business management. What do you think of that so far? There's there's good classes and bad classes.

 

No. I think it's a great degree. Overall, it's really gonna apply to the organization. I work for the Chigsaw Nation. Some of it's really good to learn, and some of it's not macro and micro economics.

 

They can stick where they belong. I don't care. I thought I wanted I thought I wanted to be an accountant. We're done with that. I don't want that anymore. Sure. God bless the people who do. I don't want it. Yeah.

 

Well, I think that's how you learn sometimes. Right? You just gotta experience the good and bad and then find a middle ground that works for Right. Absolutely. I got my degree in business management and I 100 percent agree with you.

 

I hear you, man. I totally get it. Right. Yeah. But I don't know. Maybe maybe it's on me. So not to belabor, you said Northwest, Oklahoma though? Yes. Is the fishing pretty good?

 

Or you gotta travel far to get there 1? Well, we live 20 about 25 minutes from Canton Dam, which is just a small place. So we don't have to travel too far. A lot of people come up to this particular dam to catch walleye.

 

They have the walleye rodeo every year. By the way, if you never have walleye, it's probably some of the best freshwater fish you'll ever eat. Depending on how you cook it or as is?

 

No. It's just good. Oh, okay. It's just good. It's really good. I I guess you can mess it up. I've only cooked it once when you tried it, my son and I were fighting over the fish who was gonna eat each.

 

He won, obviously. Sure. Yeah. So, you know, there there's a lot of great lakes around here to fish. And a lot of people fish ponds and stuff like that as well. And so then hunting, what what do you like to hunt? White Tailed deer.

 

I love hunting deer. I didn't really get to do much spring Turkey this year. Turkey is generally a lot of fun. But then again, 5 year olds take precedence over Turkey hunting. And when they say golf, you know, like I said, I love golf.

 

So I definitely take him golf. And and when he chooses that overhunting, sometimes we make sacrifices. Sure. Sure. Is he out putting you yet? Getting close. Getting close. He he's driving it further than I am.

 

So Yeah. It must be that lower back immobility. You're right. Yeah. Yeah. No. But good, man. I'm glad to hear you're doing well. A couple of things that we discussed before we got to this interview over the last few weeks.

 

I I guess really what it comes down to is the ability to problem solve coping skills, coping mechanisms, and then you know, being honest with yourself to take that feedback, which are all important things.

 

I don't want to detract from those. But I'm curious when you're talking about fishing, when you're talking about hunting, when you're talking about golf, a lot of those things are relatively solitary.

 

So that's got to afford you a fair amount of time to process and think and reflect and It does because it gives you the piece where you can set up there and you can process things at your own pace.

 

Whether you fish for an hour or or you play 18 holes a golf. You know, sometimes it's nice to just go hunting. I have the luxury of hunting quite a bit of land up here, and I'm the only 1 that hunts it.

 

So I have the freedom just to, you know, put my rifle on my back and start walking. It's peaceful because it's you kinda get the exercise piece of it.

 

So, you know, you're building your body that way. But you can just think about your interactions with with people or interactions that you had and how you've handled things.

 

And to be quite honest, a lot of times, I use those times to reflect on the conversations I've had, you know, through my sessions with you know, my psychologist or whatnot.

 

It's helpful. Because a lot of times what you find is you may have handled the situation 80 percent correctly. But there's 20 percent where you I shouldn't say you, but for me, I should've still shut my mouth instead of popping off.

 

That's what it takes to grow. Yeah. In talking about growth, when did you not in terms of a year, but like within your life, when did you join the Marine Corps right out of high school?

 

Right out of high school. I was thinking about this. A buddy and I were discussing this a couple weeks ago now.

 

We were talking about the likelihood or even the necessity of raising the minimum age to join. It was just a random conversational topic, which for any of our listeners right now is 18, but 17 with a parental waiver.

 

So and we're talking US military for anybody outside of the US listening. But do you think then I assume that means you joined to 18?

 

Yes. Yes, sir. So do you think joining at 18 and then learning the military's way of coping I e burying stuff or the military's way of problem solving I e make sure they room together and fight it out.

 

Generally as a sort of stereotyped way to resolve conflicts early on.

 

Right? Until you're able to reason and process and you get older and build experience, you know, you're just young kids basically. Do you think that had anything to do with your ability to cope and solve problems?

 

Because that's what you had to fall back as an experience once you got out? Yes. It gave me a 1 it didn't give me multiple choices to deal and cope with this. Uh-huh.

 

You look at the problem, you solve it, and you move on to the next. He gave me so it was head on. Again, loving the military, but the problem is it built so much confidence and it it takes us to make us out the metals by nature. Sure.

 

And and and what I noticed when I got out of the marine corps is these different jobs that I had before I finally landed the 1 I that I haven't loved so much is I was in a position not of authority, but I had to make decisions, and I had to do certain things.

 

And people would question that. Well, we know how that goes when you you know, if you're if you're a corporal, you don't question a staff sergeant. Mhmm. You know, you might talk to them about it, but you you know, question.

 

Sure. And then as military people, we don't handle disrespect very well. We try not to disrespect people, but we don't I should say, we, I don't take disrespect very kindly.

 

So when I when I feel that you're talking down to me, it's an issue. So the the military gave me an option which at the time was not an option. He gave me this is how we're gonna be, this is how we're gonna do.

 

I'm having to retrain that. That's not how we handle every situation. And that's my problem. I've I've dealt with everything like it was a marine corps problem. Yeah. Not every problem to your point.

 

Specifically, not every problem is ideal to take head on, but tactics aside. Right? Or battlefield considerations aside concerning interpersonal skills, the majority of them are addressed directly and head on.

 

And that's from whatever structure within the leadership hierarchy of the military, down or from the bottom up where well if you have a problem with somebody, go take care of it. Don't talk behind their back, don't go around.

 

Well why not? Like I'm not running my mouth example about you behind your back, but I'm gonna talk to other squad leaders and see if they've had similar experiences before I go talk to you because maybe it's not a problem with me.

 

Maybe it's a problem with what we're doing in the environment and you're tired and stressed and you're just manifesting it in a way that I'm offended by.

 

Exactly. Right. But but that sort of I guess, Pincer movement is not ideal when you're dealing with interpersonal relationships especially in the inventory. It takes a lot of time to And in my experience, I don't know about yours.

 

The aspect of the infantry that makes it as effectively lethal as it is in actuality or in the training environment to that end state is the I I guess it's bittersweet, but it it's the ability to disassociate with your emotional intelligence and reason.

 

You know? So and again, this is just my experience. So for example, you know, you've gotta shoot targets down at the end of the range, but I'm exhausted. We've been doing this for the last 4 hours.

 

I'm just tired and I'm hungry and I don't wanna be here. I don't wanna do this. It's been raining all morning and we still have 3 runs to go because first sergeant's come in this evening and we got a police call.

 

Whatever. You know? And so you've you've still gotta lay down suppressive fire. You still gotta rush down the range.

 

You still gotta do your thing. But if we and I think there's a changing culture here now, but, you know, a decade 15 years ago if we're sitting talking about these things, it wasn't there as predominantly.

 

That you may be feeling those things as the person behind the rifle or or, you know, commanding not commanding, but, you know, leading a squad or platoon or whatever but But the other person shooting back probably feels the same way too.

 

And if you start giving recognition to the human dimension on the other side of the bullets, you're a lot more likely to hesitate and a lot more likely to take into account not accomplishing whatever your mission is in that point in time.

 

And and I think there's a certain necessity for disassociating emotion in the infantry but the problem aside from some of the obvious social impacts when you get out.

 

But the the the problem with that in the infantry community or or in the military as a whole is you start having this manifest in ways that translates into your other relationships as well with other people in your squad, other people in your platoon, other platoon sergeants in your me whatever.

 

We're now you're not getting along with people because you're not empathizing as well or you're just not able to maybe like and I'm hypothesizing here, but maybe like in your case where if you were come straight out of high school, those are the tools you've got, you know.

 

And and like the saying goes, every if all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Right? So you just address it. But the thing about a hammer is it's got 2 sides. You do have options. I'm just saying you gotta use a hammer.

 

Right? Right. But to conceptually and critically think about it that way isn't a thing that's preached either. Did you find in your experience in the infantry either while you were in or when you got out or transitioning between the 2.

 

But based on your experience in the infantry, did you find that it was difficult for you to sort of reintegrate into your family into a social status or culture in an environment because of how you address things in the infantry or in the military and it stuck with you.

 

Yeah. So it's it's kind of interesting.

 

You used the word that I've used a lot, and I've tried to take it out of my vocabulary. For the most part, it's disassociation. Mhmm. And so I'll share this with you. So I was working for an old company.

 

My he's my step brother, but he I was raised with him. So he's like my brother. Anyway, long story short, you know, he had his own demons that he was fighting or whatever. He ended up you know, he ended up taking his own life at work.

 

Sorry. On Oh, thank you. I mean, it's been several years ago. But the problem is, when we found him on the oilfield site, somebody from the family has to go identify the body.

 

You know, I mean, that that's just the way it goes. So we're there and all the 1 guy that found him, they you know, their friends went, they all go back to their cars.

 

None of them are sticking around. I'm like, hey, I need a flashlight. No emotion, no nothing. Nothing. Mhmm. And they're like, what are you doing? I said, somebody gotta go identify that body just like that. And I walked down there.

 

Yep. I knelt beside him. I said my prayer. It was over. It was done. I did not take time to come to reality or to associate. With the the issue at hand -- Mhmm. -- probably till about 2 years later because -- To process.

 

-- to process it. Because I disassociated at that moment, once we found him, disassociated, and I just stayed that way. Now, I'm not saying I didn't cry. I did. But here's the sad thing about it. They said, are you okay? Yeah.

 

I'm fine. Mhmm. But I was crying and shedding tears, not because he passed away. Because in in experience and, again, III say this very loosely, I guess, we have seen things that we don't care see. I'm not saying I've seen the worst.

 

I'm not saying I've seen the best. But I've seen bad things. I've I've seen things that I care not to see again. But Guess what? We dream them. We have those dreams. Whether we acknowledge it, remember it, it doesn't matter.

 

They're there. That's just another phase that I have to see that night. When I when I look at where I am today versus 8, 9 years ago, that's the difference. I was not being honest with myself.

 

I thought I had re I had done all that. Never did. I was disassociated and I was crying for myself because it was another face I would see in a dream. Sure. I like how you brought that up about facing demons.

 

There's a podcast that you have mentioned to me called sword and scale. Remember we're talking about that? So for any of listeners, the sword and scale podcast and shout out, I guess, to to Mike Baudet, he's the host.

 

But and and creator from what I understand. But anyways, sword to scale podcast is a true crime podcast that Mike puts together and tells you stories uses 911 calls documentary type information but it's all in an a neo format.

 

Anyway, their tagline is the monsters are real. And in a true crime setting based on fact or fiction, that makes sense.

 

Right? Like, the the monsters don't, you know, have horns, fangs, and claws, but they're those tendencies embodied by the people committing these crimes in that podcast.

 

But as real as those monsters are, I think it's the imaginary demons that have a bigger impact. Right?

 

Because it's the things that happen in in our heads that we internalize or externalize based on those whatever that happens to be, whatever they involve or or tempt you to do that if it doesn't manifest, you may have a sort of blast radius of 1, but there's still damage there.

 

And there's there's still collateral damage there. Right? We're the only individual that's impacted in this case like your step brother, but what about his family? What about you?

 

You know, like in your case it sounds like the silver lining is your own time to process, but it gave you the opportunity to face what you didn't realize was an issue at the time and sort of woke you up to be able to to do that.

 

And so as far as catalysts go, there's a positive impact that came out of that nonetheless. Right? So the when I say collateral damage for the sake of clarity, I don't mean always in a negative sense.

 

I just mean as an expression, the resounding impact for better or worse of a particular event in this case of somebody fighting with their own demons.

 

Right? And I think that's poignant. Because as a veteran or otherwise, you know, I've got my own issues. I might go to the gym. I might talk to people on on a podcast.

 

I might, you know, watch video or or whatever, do something else as a hobby, read a book or something, and where maybe you hunt fish and golf as your ways to process and cope and you know, come around to it in your own time.

 

The downside that the military I don't know if offers is the right word, but the downside to that whole cons conceptual process is you don't do anything in your time at all.

 

No. You're not showing up when you want you're not doing what you want. You're not waking up when you want. You're not gonna get food when you want, you know.

 

It's on the military's time and time and I think that carries a lot into how we process and then psychologically as well that you don't have the opportunity to process on your time and so it's easier to bury and deal with later if at all.

 

But let's take a break for a minute. We'll come back and get more into being honest with yourself in some some ways that you found to cope.

 

Or how you've managed to work through some of your own demons in in process here in a couple minutes. Alright. Yeah. I appreciate it. So everybody sit tight for a second. Randon, hang out, and we'll be back on SDYT the podcast.

 

Hey, everyone. It's Stack's here. I just wanted to take a moment and give a shout out to my wife, Julie. She is a artist of sorts, but she has a Facebook page called the bee and the Bear creations.

 

And what that page is 4 is basically if you wanted to do a specialized item like a tumbler or a hat or a vinyl or a decal or a shirt, you can go there.

 

You can ask some questions, look through the WERE's, but then give a DM and try to sort it out.

 

And then work at adjust pricing. But If you're interested something like that, go ahead like her page as the bee and the Bear creations on Facebook. So Go enjoy.

 

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Alrighty, folks. This is Porter with SDIT to Podcast. If you're enjoying this interview and you've listened to some of our others, and you already know we're playing on Spotify.

 

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Jonesie. So there's a lot going on. And folks from me to you, I appreciate you taking the time to listen and support the station for different perspectives with shared values.

 

Guys, I'm Porter. I'm your host, and this is SDYT the podcast. Alrighty folks. Welcome back to SDYT the podcast. Again, I'm Porter.

 

I'm your host Sydney with Brandon Thompson talking about really just brutal honesty, but as it applies to respect courage and integrity as we're rounding out, month of May now 20 22. So welcome back to the podcast, Brandon.

 

Welcome back, man. Thanks. Yeah. You're welcome. So where where we left off, we were talking about recognizing your own demons and finding ways to process through them before the monster becomes real.

 

Right? That's sort of the ideal process, I guess. Because everybody has demons, you can't avoid them. So let's take that direction. Brandon, we without getting into too many specifics and that that's fine.

 

Some of this is obviously personal, but for the sake of relatability, what are some major trends that you found you had to combat once you got out and then to sort of reintegrate into a family into society.

 

You know, 1 of those was my personal relationship with my then girlfriend, now wife, it needed to this day. I blame her for a lot of things because I think be done a certain way.

 

And the reality is, I should probably get off my ass and go do it myself. But so my frustration or what whatever triggers me at that point, I take it out on her because I I take it out on the closest 1 I love.

 

You know, another 1 is in the way the way that we raise kids. Her way is very different than mine. There has to be a lot of communication. And not not the criticizing type of communication.

 

We have to work on that. My kids are not marines. So we handle things very differently. I have to realize that my way is it's not the right way. Earlier, you referenced a hammer, and it's got 2 sides so you have options.

 

And I just kinda thought of this, but instead of a hammer, I don't have a sledge hammer. I don't have I just don't have 10 pounds of steel to hit everything with.

 

Sure. And then as we talked earlier, you know, 1 of the big things is disassociation. I don't agree with my family on politics, and some of my family is very left, some of them are very right, doesn't make them wrong.

 

But for the longest time in my life, it didn't make them known because it's not the way I see. It's not the way I believe this should be.

 

Yeah. A lot of that ego centrism right where it's it's not in a negative sense, just where you focus on you and your thoughts. First as a recourse for processing as the the central response, I guess?

 

I think is a trend. I don't I don't wanna keep scapegoating the military but I think it is a trend in what we try to breed at least within the marine corps to give you ownership over your actions.

 

Right? Because you may be, let's say, in a squad of of a dozen or whatever, but your decisions directly impact the lives of a dozen other people. You know, so you have to take ownership for that.

 

Yeah. That makes a lot of sense where it would bleed over especially after you do it for you know, 15 years, it's tough to unlearn. Or to whatever extent you need to sort of reverse the trend, I guess.

 

But you you mentioned something that to say that your way isn't the right way, I think you're selling yourself a little bit short because in some circumstances and not that this is what you meant necessarily, but as a point of reference.

 

In some some circumstances, your way might, in fact, be the right way, most efficient, most effective way.

 

So then finding ways to temper that reality with Okay. Well, now how do I convey that without being overly offensive or abrasive or or just rude?

 

You know, there's that sort of a gap as well that overall, as a generalization, doesn't really exist in the in the infantry, because it's just a matter of, I'll just tell you, and you're do it or you won't and then somebody else will tell you and you're gonna do it or you won't.

 

You know, so a lot of that stuff carries over quite a bit. I got divorced a couple years ago and a lot of the issues that we had, it took me some time to process, was because of me.

 

And this isn't a shock to some of the people may hear this podcast because they told me it was my fault, but it took me time to process that in my own time, you know, and in my own ways.

 

And so a lot of what you're saying, I hundred percent agree with, but but more importantly, I I empathize with it because that's exactly the same issues I was having.

 

You know the you call it the the blast radius of any IED has the worst trauma, the worst impact within its immediate vicinity.

 

Right? Before it spreads out into a damaged zone whatever applies. Or wherever lightning strikes, that spot is burnt and charred.

 

It's never gonna grow back, but everything else has some collateral damage. And when it comes to some semblance of a nuclear family or a family unit, oftentimes that's what happens.

 

Right? And and it may not be mentally abusive or verbally abusive as an intention, but the perception could very easily be that that's the case. Without us even realize because it's just how you talk to people, you know.

 

Absolutely. Yeah. And and a lot of that is difficult to recognize, especially upfront So what kind of things do you do or have you done to overcome some of those tendencies?

 

You know, how do you How do you prep your day? How do you get in the right head space? How do you process? What's your what's your thing? So it it all started several years ago. I had to go back to when I was a kid.

 

And I say kid, I was a teenager. And I remember at bible study, 1 day, guy said, 1 of the bible study teachers. He said, you know, I wake up every morning, and I tell myself it's gonna be a great guy of the day.

 

And I forgot about that. So I would get up and just go through my day. Now since I've been out of the marine corps and having to be honest with myself and handle those situations and and understand that it is it is not an easy fight.

 

But you have to find what's going to propel you to take care of your family? What's going to propel you to have that life that you want? And do you want to keep what you have?

 

It took me, I don't know, 3 or 4 years to finally come around to building that relationship with my kids. And and and what what I mean by that is, you know, kids born, everybody's like, oh, look, new baby.

 

We're all happy. A ecstatic I was truly. However, I'm not the affectionate guy. I'm not the touchy, billy, lovey, give me hugs, kind of dad. And so now my son is getting older.

 

And as he's growing up, he wants not that he doesn't want anything to do with me, but everything has to be done by my mom. Why? Because mom mom had mom was doing everything. Mhmm. Mom's been doing everything since they want.

 

So then I remember getting mad at my son and starting to take out not verbal abuse, but when he would make me it just seemed like I was angry at him all the time. But whatever he did, you know.

 

And 1 day, I was talking to my doctor and I said, you know, this is the issue. I I don't I don't and she's like, do you think the problem could be you? And I'm like, how's the problem? Me that's my question.

 

How is the problem me? He's the 1 that won't pick up his stuff. He won't pick up that. He's at that time, he was 3. Mhmm. He's a thick hero. But here I am trying to treat him like he's an adult, but there's no relationship there.

 

So over the next several weeks, once a week, I was talking to my psychologist, and what I come to realize and being honest with myself was, I'm the 1 that refused to have the relationship.

 

I'm the 1 that refused to have the relationship. Part of the reason that I've deducted from all that was because he changed my life. He changed my life in a way he will never comprehend. And I did not comprehend at that time.

 

Instead of looking at that change being the greatest gift in the world, I was looking at it as I was being selfish because my world has revolved around 1 person since I was 18 years Does that make sense?

 

Sure. Sure. My rule has re revolved around 1 person since 19 98 when I was 18, 19 years old. And that's Brandon Thomas. So the only person I cared about was Brandon and getting his and being satisfied.

 

Yep. Is that a good way to live? Probably not if you're a family man. And and so what I realized it was And and this is when the honesty really I I broke down pretty hard.

 

The honesty was I refused to build the relationship. That was the problem. And when I realized and then, of course, the next problem is how do you build that relationship since you started 3 years after he was born?

 

Yeah. And you you look at yourself and you're like, what am I doing wrong? And now you're trying to find ways to relate with this kid that you should have been relating with since he was born.

 

Mhmm. But you didn't wanna change the diapers. You didn't wanna get up in the midnight and feed them. You didn't wanna that just did not comprehend it, did not work in my head.

 

And it's not that I'm saying that's a woman's job. I don't believe that. Never have, never will. However, I could not physically make myself do that. I came up with every excuse not to change a shitty diaper.

 

I came up with every excuse not to get up at midnight. And I blamed everything. I blamed everybody else My wife would complain about it. I told her, get over it. I said, I'm tired.

 

What about her? Is she tired? Then you sit down and you think about and you you you do what you do. You play golf, you hunt, fish, you go to the gym, whatever it is you do. And you step back, and you think that's not my wife's job.

 

That's our job. Mhmm. And then you think, how do I build a relationship? Well, again, III don't blame I don't blame anything but me, but I do blame circumstances in life and growing up as a kid, I moved every 2 years.

 

So why do I make friends? Why do I make friends if I'm gonna move every year and a half, 2 years?

 

My stepdad was an opal. That's just what happened. We moved a lot. So why do you make friends? Because what happens? You make friends, you move so you avoid the pain.

 

Mhmm. My son's not going anywhere. My wife's not going anywhere. So I have to build that relationship. How do you build that relationship? The problem is I did that throughout the Marine court. I did that I did that to a lot of people.

 

And I didn't realize that I was hurting people in the marine corps by my actions because I didn't really understand personal relationships. I didn't understand friendships. I didn't really know what they were.

 

When you realize these things and you talk to, you know, a psychologist or you talk to fellow veterans, you realize that the honesty or the change has to come from me and you have to find that honesty.

 

And and to tell yourself, I guess we call it self reflection a lot of times, but I call it honesty. We don't wanna hear that we need to self reflect.

 

We don't wanna hear that. We need to be honest with ourselves. Because it's gonna make you mad. It's gonna make you cry. It's gonna make you wanna tear up your house. It's gonna make you wanna do a lot of things because it hurts.

 

Because you now look at your own I don't wanna call them failures because I don't I don't believe in failures. They I believe it was Thomas s. And 1 time said, they said, well, you you failed a thousand times in making a life off.

 

No, I didn't. I learned a thousand ways not to make a life off. Mhmm. Failure is out there. I didn't fell in life. I just learned a way not to be in life. So I have been honest with myself. And it it's come through trial and error.

 

You know, I we talked earlier ordered, you know, the 1 time that my house was in mass hysteria. And III couldn't feel I felt that I was trapped in my kitchen. I couldn't make myself walk 1 way or the other.

 

Kids going cuckoo. Dog barking, wife's talking. Just it was too much. It triggered me. My reaction, instead of yelling at everybody telling them to shut the fuck up, I punched the 2 inch counter granite countertop.

 

My daughter I tell my my psychologist, and she says, no. Why would you do that? It was the only way to get my mind off everything going on -- Mhmm. -- for the pain. Now, I'm not gonna cut myself. I'm not suicidal or homicide.

 

Never have been, never will be. However, I know that if I can make my mind think about something else, then I can calm myself down. Unfortunately, I punched the granite countertop. I thought I broke my knuckles.

 

Thank God, I did it. Yeah. When you do things like that, we have to change, and we can't refuse. And it honestly comes in. I can't tell you how many times I've sat in the basement very basement I'm sitting here.

 

And not 4 hours on end because it's not a self pity party. That I promise you that. But where I come in here and it's like, okay, what the hell do I do now to change myself?

 

What did you do wrong? How do you change that? I go through the whole scenario. Okay. My wife did this. Is that her fault? No. My kid were doing this. This is the third fault. No. My dog were doing this. This is the third fault.

 

No. And he realized that it was something in you that was triggered and you need to fix it. And you have to find a way to fix it. The problem is finding the solution to that. Is not always fun, and it all often looks back at you.

 

Mhmm. You know, the old adage, be careful 0. 1 finger because you got 3 point back at you. Yeah. You know the the funny thing about that, I think that's why the Marine Corps knife hands.

 

That way nothing ever points back. Great for it. Yeah. Yeah. There's an important aspect about what you just brought up, though, like like punching the countertop, for example, that has sort of resounding impact as well.

 

Right? Like you you mentioned your kids, and timing in your life is sort of irrelevant in this point. But anybody generally speaking. Right? Kids are gonna see and hear whatever happens.

 

They're gonna see and hear the trauma. They're gonna see and hear the impact as it applies to, you know, 1 individual who that happens to be. Let's just say for the sake of argument you in this case for a sort of grounding example.

 

Assuming both of your kids were there old enough to recognize what was happening, they saw you hit the counter. They saw you get upset regardless of how it manifested, but they, you know, they could pick up on things like that.

 

Just like other humans can pick up on things like that. But I think the other half of that coin is whatever you're doing physically or in your head mentally to recover from that, kids need to see and hear the recovery as well.

 

You know? Like, they pick up on how to respond to issues from what they see in until they grow up and develop their own ideas and things. And this is just my observation.

 

I'm I'm obviously not a doctor or anything, but you have a finite amount of time, you being anybody, have a finite amount of time to teach kids options on how to respond to issues and and conflict and physical aggression is an option.

 

There's no need to shelter from that. It it is an option. Right?

 

But you've gotta understand or we have to understand that It's not the only option for 1, but it's equally as important for them to see the options to express their anger and their emotions as it is to rebuild and restore from those things.

 

Do you remember I don't even know where we were.

 

It was Lavic Lake or somewhere out there we're in 29 Palms. We were we're doing a field up out there and I can't even remember what the details what we were doing, but it it was way out north on the base.

 

And we went out there and we took the LEDs out and we were doing stuff, whatever it was. It was so hot and just for me anyways, a miserable experience at the time.

 

It was it was hot, it was long days. It was just in especially inside the LAV, you know, you get tired, you get hot, you get grumpy, you get stressed, you get frustrated, you're hungry, your type all these things all at once.

 

And you especially in your position and then you have to worry about and work through all of the squad leaders issues and still run a platoon and still communicate with a platoon commander and Man, I I can't even imagine on that day specific that filled up.

 

I can't even imagine what that must have been like.

 

On top of every other human factor you were facing your life and whatever it was. I don't know. The AC broke in your truck and you had a flat tire and all the whatever. Could've been anything.

 

How you have to balance or how you had to balance those things like brought up a point when we took a break a little bit ago, that being that king kong beat your chest kind of guy sort of alpha male type responses or stereotypical type responses to problems isn't always the way to go.

 

Have you heard of Jordan Peterson? Kids are gonna have. He's he's got now a pretty more, I guess, prominent social media following as well and his own podcast asked.

 

Anybody who hears this, if you're familiar with him, I'm probably gonna butcher this. I don't know actually if he's a psychiatrist or a psychologist But he's a clinical physician of some sort.

 

He said, I'm pretty sure he said it first anyways, that as a man, as a person, it's important to be that alpha male, but it's more important to learn how to control it, not to make it dissipate.

 

And so that way, it's there when you need it as an optional response but you've got other ways to go about managing it and maintaining it. Do you do you find that to be relevant? I think that's absolutely 100 percent correct.

 

You don't want to ever lose that edge. I think that to be very relevant. You need it when you need it. People are gonna, unfortunately, the world we live in today, you never know what's gonna happen.

 

I mean, look, what happened in Buffalo, New York? I'm gonna kinda caveat to what you said earlier about scapegoating on the military, but the the military's not a scapegoat.

 

It's what we learned and what people need to understand. Everything we learned there is for survivability. We have to have survivability, and that's a whole different situation of life.

 

But when you learn that at 18, it tends to become your way of life. I'm sure there I'm sure there are some people in the military that have adapted and done just fine.

 

For me, the hardest part about the military was rejoining the civilian world. But we have to have that alpha male. That's not in everybody. It's not on everybody. And and and he's absolutely right.

 

When do you use it to win the knot? And I think the way I would relate to that is, I think that's who I was trying to be in this house. In my household, in my family, all related to my family. To me, that alpha male respects the queen.

 

Mhmm. He just works just as hard. And and we have to realize it's a team. The difference in how I relate that to the military is, you know, in the military, I get the word, then I'll pass it to spoil it.

 

So it all goes downhill. Right? That's how we passed the word. So at each level, the the platoon sergeant platoon commander could stand up there, pound their chest, give it over for your picture.

 

Then you hand it off to the squad leaders. They go off and they prepare their teams to get to pound their chest.

 

Then you hand it off to the fire team leaders. They get to pound their chest. So there's a there's a time and place when you need that and be that leader and put people in check and do whatever. And he and that applies in life as well.

 

Again, tying it back to what I told you about earlier, to honestly, when I am pounding my chest is at the right time to continue. Mhmm. And who's what is the reason that I'm pounding my do I have a real reason?

 

And it doesn't have to be in a heated moment. It doesn't have to be in a just a regular moment. And I I'll give you a scenario that just happened the other day. House caught on fire for 4 houses down for me 2 nights ago. Mhmm.

 

Reach for coverage with cop cars. And and what my house is, I wanted to get to my driveway. I've seen a way to get to my driveway, and I'm pulling in. And 1 of the local cops walks up to me and asked me, what the hell are you doing?

 

I said, I'm going to my house and said, Oh, okay. Go ahead. And I'm like, now here here's where we have to realize, and this is my ignorance. Because most people would have realized, hey, this guy's all worked up.

 

He did helping people. He stressed. Number 1, he's keeping people at bay, And he's also going through a firefighter, and he had to pull second duty and help him. But because I was already frustrated, his comment, he comes up to me.

 

He says, okay. Go ahead and argue. My comment to him was like, okay. You weren't gonna fucking stop me anyway. Why? Because I could not take the time to realize his situation.

 

And the problem is, because I and this is where the honesty comes out back and going, yep. I told that son of a bitch. And then later than that, I'm like, what was so necessary about that?

 

Yeah. I wanted to pound my Chelsea and put my point that you aren't gonna stop me from getting to my house. Yeah. Humility goes a long way, but it doesn't make you less of a man.

 

You know? No. Maybe even more so. Yeah. We viewed that way. Yeah. Well, I mean that's that's the perception becoming reality. Right? And and III hate the phrase but I think I hate the phrase because of the connotation.

 

It doesn't detract from the fact that it's true. You know, there's there's different ways to apply it. But let's let's take a break for a couple minutes.

 

We'll come back. We'll talk a little bit more about your point towards survivability in all steer environments and sort of the environment that that cultivates physically, mentally, whatever.

 

And then also we'll get into the reality of other people's perceptions, let's call it. But we'll be back here in just a second on SDYT the podcast.

 

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AT'S THE KEY Stone FARMERS MARKET. AT 12615 Tarpon Springs Road IN Odessa, Florida. THE PLACE WITH ABOIL Panuts. Right. You haven't even told us the name yet?

 

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I'm still your host. For now, this is still SDYT the podcast. Alrighty folks. Welcome back to SD YT the podcast again on Porter. I'm your host sitting here with Brandon Thompson.

 

We're talking about basically brutal honesty with yourself, your emotions, and and your critiques towards yourself. And this is all obviously for self growth, but what we've been covering is respect, courage, and integrity.

 

There's a threshold where the sort of structural integrity of your own traumas of your own demons that we've sort of alluded to throughout this episode in this interview so far is that they're valid there there are some legitimate physical and mental rebounds and effects that can come from whatever traumas you've experienced.

 

Like that that integrity has a value and you you've got to respect that.

 

Right? Like we talk about within a family structure within the military, we talk about mutual respect and the importance for having it for interpersonal relationships of any kind.

 

Some of those relationships also have to categorically involve what's happening between both sides of your brain and how you're processing these issues.

 

And you gotta respect that that carries some weight and that's at least the way that I found to accept and process some of the maybe grief, maybe remorse, maybe happiness, maybe whatever to to get through with it.

 

So before we get into more of those topics, first of all, to all of our listeners, welcome back.

 

Brandon, welcome back. Yes, sir. There's a point we had talked about this it's it's sort of a military adage now, I think, and it'll go down in infamy.

 

But perception is reality. I think the connotation is mostly negative. Right? Like if I think you're doing poorly, you must be. So we're gonna address that before it gets worse, right?

 

And be intrusive, but it's not always a negative thing, even though that's the weight that it usually carries, in in my opinion, where and and Brandon, I'm curious your opinion on this as well.

 

More often than not, if somebody thinks you're doing poorly or it's gonna reflect poorly on somebody or something or some unit's reputation, it's gonna get treated that way. Or adjudicated that way in some cases.

 

But what about when things are going well? Do you find that I think this person is doing a great job so they must actually be doing a great job. Where's the benefit a doubt lie. Either in the military or after, it's up to you.

 

But just Right. Man, that's tough because and and I'll use my I'll use my current job which is just I don't think I told you exactly what I do. I do quality assurance and quality control on different documents.

 

But, you know, the the problem is, when you use that phrase, perception is reality. And III agree with you. I love and hate that thing so much -- Mhmm. -- because it does perceive such a negative perception.

 

It that's how we look at it. That's how we use it. We use it for negativity. In fact, I don't think it's used enough for positivity. We just oh, yeah. They're doing good. Or we have to prove why somebody's doing so good.

 

Whereas, if perceptions reality when they're messing up, we don't have to prove anything. We just Oh, we're gonna fix it regardless. Mhmm. And I think that's kinda who we are by nature as people.

 

We're gonna fix that problem. Maybe it's not necessarily that they're screwing up. Maybe it's the situation to end with it. Again, you'd go down a thousand rabbit holes trying to figure that out.

 

But I do agree with you. It it does carry a very, very big negative conversation, and it and it's not used enough for positivity or for the good when somebody's doing good.

 

And in fact, when somebody's doing good, oh, hey. Pull their numbers. I wanna see this. I wanna see that proving. But I didn't have to prove why he was doing something wrong.

 

We just won't fix it. Yeah. You know, we don't use that on ours. You know, if you're gonna apply that to everybody else, then apply that to your life and and see how far you get.

 

And that's gonna be hard because you have to be honest with yourself. Think about the next time you talk to your kid and you're like, well, ception is reality.

 

Was I yelling at my kid? No, but your actions that you were. Mhmm. You know, so if you're gonna apply that in 1 way, make sure you apply it to yourself.

 

And it and it's hard. And I I try to stay away from that. But it's something that in my line of work we use often for negativity, but that's what we're looking for.

 

But it's not even just, like, a third person perspective Just changing my perspective has helped drastically improve my outlook and the way that I'm identifying or observing or taking in new information.

 

It's ironic. You know, you go to boot camp as whoever you were before you left. And this goes and you can ask anybody. I'm only speaking in terms of core and it's nothing against the Marine Corps.

 

It's just my only piece of experience. But whoever you were before you go to boot camp, you were And when you leave and graduate boot camp, oh, they're not even the same person anymore.

 

They're totally different. They've become something that you slayed the dragon top of the mountain and a pillar of fire.

 

You know, you've it's an old commercial reference for anybody who's unfamiliar. But you've gotten to become a different person. Oh, your friends don't even recognize you anymore.

 

You know, and the way the recruiter spins that is a positive impact and a positive change. Like, you'll be more nobody will recognize, true, true, usually for the better, but it is true.

 

You are You're gonna see things differently. Right? And you you view things differently, problem sets differently, relationship building differently, coping is different.

 

The way you build relationships is different. The way you communicate is We grunt. Right? And there's a whole Morse code of grunts.

 

We could get by. You know, it all sounds. The point being, a few years ago, I don't know if this is before or after you ended up getting out. There was a document that went out about sustaining the transformation.

 

And the article itself was about all the positive impacts of how much progress we've made as a Marine Corps and as marines and where that's gotten us now which has been phenomenal since, you know, Tripoli or or banana wars or or whatever in the past that to this point, To a very valid and certain degree, our character is still intact despite whatever the Marine Corps had to do around the world over the last, well, few decades, couple hundred years.

 

I think interestingly in sustaining the transformation by other perceived impact of that phrase is that's how we're bred.

 

Once you graduate boot camp for however many contracts, however many years your career lasts, to sustain that perspective, sustain that transformation.

 

Right? But the for our listeners, the impact and purpose behind the marine corps either expeditionary capability or lethality or whatever is to be able and more to your point, Brandon, to be able to survive in austere environments.

 

So that's what it requires.

 

That transformation at boot camp, there's a reason it's structured that way. It's not I've I've heard some people call it brainwashing. And I guess sure if you wanna say that. Right? But you're not making robots.

 

You're making people who are mentally adept at surviving in all theory environments, that's physical environments, that's mental environments, that's emotional environments, it's whatever, but it's all encompassing.

 

And so then if that's all you know as say a teenager, 18 years old, to, I don't know, let's say, 4 to 8 years in the marine corps, you get out you're in your mid twenties somewhere.

 

Well, then that's all you know. Like you said earlier, that's all your brain is develop to accommodate. That's that's how you see the world. That's the transformation you've sustained. Absolutely. Families aren't meant to be austere.

 

Life isn't meant to be I guess relatively austere depending on how you perceive it and in what you you surround yourself with In sustaining a transformation from Boot Camp through your career of what was necessary for an austere environment, you've since, again, unlearned, those habits and thought processes and relearned a way to integrate in a more positive impact with your family with life with the society and the environment that you now are living in.

 

Your career, the city, the people, the whatever. How do you sustain that transformation? What outlets do you use? What do you have? So and I think that's phenomenal question. But 1 of the things I do is taking me a lot of years.

 

I've been looking for something where I could go associate with other veterans. But I had to find the right thing to fit me. I I tell you all, there there's millions of great organizations out there.

 

The 1 I finally found for myself was the the VGA or Veterans Golf Association. And I played in my first tournament yesterday, and I met just some of the most phenomenal people that they're happy to talk to you.

 

They you know, most of them are just great people. Having a great time. People from Arkansas, Texas driving up to play in a tournament. It it's just really nice.

 

That's what I have found that fits me. It's competitive. But it's, you know, it's all about me and what I'm doing on the golf course and having a good time with other veterans. But I depend on nobody else. Mhmm. Does that make sense?

 

In the competition, in the realm of sports, I depend on nobody else. Sure. It doesn't matter how good you hit the ball or I hit the ball. Everything is on me. And so that's what I love about. I have nobody to blame but myself.

 

The funny thing is you ask me how I sustain that. The positivity that I use to to sustain that, I truly wake up every morning 7 days a week. I legitimately walk into the bathroom, and I tell myself how good I look.

 

Because I will look no worse than I do when I get out of bed. My hair's all jacked up, and I got a big old beard. I know I don't look any worse than that. I'm not gonna look any worse than that.

 

And I look myself in the mirror, and I tell myself how good of a day it's gonna throw some water on my face. Yep. I look damn good. And I build self confidence that way, so I started my day off road.

 

And then there's And I wish I could remember his name. I think he's an it's an old video of a motivational speaker on Facebook I found. It made the most sense to me. A lot of people say, oh, don't worry about small stuff.

 

But if you don't worry about those small stuff, how does the big stuff get done? Sure. That's number 1. Number 2, find the smallest task when you wake up in the morning and complete that task.

 

Why? Because if the rest of your day goes to hell, and you don't complete 1 thing, 1 more thing, you completed that 1 task. And you know what that first task is?

 

Is making your rep. And the funny thing is, that guy was a navy seal. I wish I could remember his name, and I could probably I think it was Admiral Mcraven. Yeah. On and he's at a college college deal given us Yeah.

 

In his wide stock. Yeah. Yeah. I just listen to people speak like that. I find people who have succeeded in life and I find those motivational people because I'm tired of being negative.

 

I'm tired of being negative. And I felt that the life I was leading was breathing negativity because of my anger, my my own issues that I was unwilling to deal with.

 

So I just found positive. And I choose to be happy, it makes the most sense. Doesn't matter what happens the rest of the day.

 

You completed 1 task. Mhmm. You know, and he goes on to talk about fighting the shark you know, in in the water and stuff like that, you just gotta keep fighting. And we get tired of fighting. But you gotta find out what motivates you.

 

I told you earlier before we started, There's a song that I listen to. Probably daily. Mhmm. And it's brutal. I think most of the world needs to hear it because it talks about change and quit making excuses.

 

Who's gonna win? The guy in the mirror or the guy standing outside the mirror? Figure it out. And and to me, that's what that song relates.

 

Again, it's hard. It's easy to get up in front of the mirror and say, yep, I look good, fix myself up. Okay. I'm happy. Are you truly happy though? Tell you right now, wait 280 pounds. Okay. Not a big deal. Do I need to exercise?

 

Probably, but I'm happy. Mhmm. That's what matters. That's what we have to find in our honesty. What makes us happy. It doesn't make me happy being 300 pounds, so I ain't gonna be 300 pounds. I'm not happy drinking all the time.

 

Okay. So don't drink all the time. I'm not happy smoking. So don't whatever you're not happy doing, then quit it. Find the support group that helps you. Find that person that will help you and keep you in check.

 

But in internally to do that, you have to be honest with yourself. And it's gonna hurt. It's gonna make you happy. It's gonna make you cry. It's gonna make you wanna fuck the fall.

 

I promise your fight's not gonna be the same as mine. Mhmm. It's just not gonna happen. If you're the person listening, behind the person that will listen to you, but won't try to relate to your situation.

 

Find the person that's gonna relate to your emotions. We're trying to find the person that oh, well, they've been through that same exact scenario.

 

It was different for them. Find somebody that will listen to your emotions and can relate to your emotions and give you a true outside perspective I got friends to this day.

 

They've called me, hey, man, I've done this. And then then, hey, you screwed up. You're wrong, but I expect the same treatment. Mhmm. That's valid. Yeah. That that's that's the fight.

 

And that's where the honesty comes in. Quit blaming people when it won their fall. I told you before we started recording in the marine corps outside the marine corps for the longest time, I didn't know how to build friendships.

 

The last maybe 5 years of the marine corps, I finally understood how to build a friendship.

 

And I lost probably a lot of a lot of the damn good friends. Because I didn't know how to be a friend. You know, I took advantage of a lot of people that, I guess, in short Yeah. I regret it.

 

I'm sorry. You know? But it only took me don't know, probably 18, 20 years to come to grips with that instead of blaming them for whatever. And it's tough. It's an uphill process. But at least now you're able to do it at your own pace.

 

And that that comes for a lot. Yes. Like you said, people change and so who people were who people were who somebody was, whatever 30 years ago, likely isn't who they are 30 years later.

 

And so they may very well have something that you can gain or or some insight that you can get even if you weren't the best terms then. Maybe you can be on better terms now.

 

And it's organizations like you brought up the Veterans Golf Association for example. You said I think it was g a dot com, if anybody is interested, that you can find those types of outlets and it's just something.

 

Right? But everybody needs something. Whether you use it or not is irrelevant. It's it's a starting point and it's potential that you could acquire and use if you needed to.

 

For any of our listeners that want to get in touch with you, over any of the topics we discussed or just to reach out maybe because they worked with you in the past and want to reconnect or or whatever.

 

How can people get in touch with you? You can find me on Facebook under Brandon thompson at facebook dot com. It's gonna have a 5 foot 2, 1 with 2 little kids on it.

 

Just send me a friend request. Do you prefer anything else? Instagram, email, anything like that? Send me on email thompson BD1979 at gmail dot com. I check my email maybe once or twice a week.

 

If you wanna get a hold of me, that that's probably the easiest way to get a hold of me. Messenger good way as well. Okay. All that being said, man, I appreciate you blocking out some time when we could sit down and talk.

 

And just reconnect over quite a bit of things. I think even the last, like, sort of deeper type conversation we had, we were in an open well deck floating in the Pacific somewhere getting snowed on while I was on LAV watch.

 

I think you were walking the flight deck that night. A good conversation. 1 where we did we go to Japan on that 1?

 

Is that when we went to the tsunami? Uh-huh. That was Fukushima. Yeah. Yeah. When we but we did cross the equator. Yeah, we sure did. We got the show back. And we sure did. Yeah. It was a lot of cool times.

 

And you know what, we revisit some of that again if you're interested. Maybe we can do a part 2 or have you back later on in the year too. If you got the opportunity, that'd be cool. We can talk about some more Just just jimmy up, man.

 

Yeah. Yeah. I appreciate it. It'd be pretty legit. But saying that to all of our listeners, thank you for tuning in if you've got any comments, critiques, or topics you wanna hear covered as well.

 

Send an email to survival dad y t at gmail dot com. Reach out to us on Facebook or Instagram at survival dad y t. Check us out on at survival dead YT1.

 

Or on TikTok, we've got a few exclusive bits of content on TikTok, but we've also got coverage for SD Y t the podcast. So to all of our listeners, thank very much for stopping in to hang out and listen.

 

And Brandon, thanks for giving us the opportunity again, man. I really appreciate it. Anytime. Alright, man. Well, with that, Porter, I'm your host, and that was SDYT the podcast.