Alrighty, folks. Welcome back to our next episode of SDYT that a cast. Where values still hold value. We're talking about a few different topics with a few different guests and even some personalities about realistic perspectives.

 

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That way you get notifications every time a new episode comes out. I'm really glad you guys stopped by. So let's cover our next episode. Alrighty, folks. Welcome back to now episode 8 of SD YT the podcast where values still hold value.

 

I'm Porter. I'm still your host, but this particular episode we're talking about coping strategies and mental resiliency. We'll break it down a little bit.

 

Maybe even bring in some other personalities, especially this case though. I've got a buddy of mine, mister Robert Lee, actually, coming in from Palm Desert, California. So this is a pretty special occasion.

 

Lee, as he's affectionately known, is not Asian. And as a matter of fact, he also did I believe it was 5 years just shy of. Right around 4, though. The contract with the Marine Corps had some time with the sheriff's department.

 

And now father of 2 basically working his way through his life, trying to sort out everything just like everybody else, which is I think saying something now that COVID's done, well, depending on who you ask.

 

But otherwise, Yeah. There's quite a bit we're gonna cover, as you might imagine, concerning coping strategies and mental resiliency.

 

And We'll go from there. If anybody is new to the show, first, let me say welcome. And for any continuing listeners, welcome back. I appreciate you coming in to hang out with us for about the next 45 minutes.

 

And if you're a fan of the videos in the show on Facebook TikTok, YouTube, or Instagram survival dad y t. Thanks for swapping over and coming over to the podcast for a little bit.

 

So with that, Again, I'm Porter. I'm your host, and this is SDYT the podcast. Alrighty, folks. We're talking coping strategies and mental resiliency with Robert T. Lee out of Palm Desert, California.

 

Lee, what's up, brother? How you doing? Save old, save old. Living the proverbial dream. Proverbial, man. Isn't that the truth? Some days I feel like I'm not a hundred percent if what I'm doing is as effective as I think it could be.

 

But I think it's what's cool about sort of just being human. Right? Like, after all decisions you've made, all the stuff you've been through.

 

It doesn't really matter what happened at the time, just so long as after the fact, you found some way to use it productively, I suppose, that makes it still sort of dreamy but like in a not Baywatch kind of way.

 

Yeah. No. Absolutely. Though -- Yeah. -- every now and again, every now and again, you can hit that dreamy Baywatch kind of way. Yeah. Super slow motion. But let's let's get back to you, man, where you been up to?

 

How's everything been going? Good. Good. So I guess for the listeners, when I got out of the marines in 20 13, went home, played stay at home dad, not something that I was prepared for. Because it sounds easy.

 

And it's absolutely not. It's by far the single hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life. And looking back on it, I failed. Miserably. I mean, I hit all the the high points. I kept the kid fed. I made sure the kid was clean.

 

I, you know, interacted, played with the kid, tried to teach him something. But everything else, having come from careers where your entire personality really really gets defined by what you do, You're talking about active duty.

 

To who you are. Active duty, the sheriff's department, every real job I had ever had. Oh, I see. I mean, even even like the the high school teenager jobs. I was a lifeguard. Nice. So there was that that mental image of I am a lifeguard.

 

Oh, okay. Okay. And you lose your sense of self in the job you perform. You know, and from the lifeguard in my teens, it went to, I am a college student. And and failed miserably at that because I didn't care about school.

 

Went back to my hometown with a fiancee, and having joy to security. Nice. Because that's why I went to college. And then I started at the sheriff's office and, you know, then it was, well, I'm a deputy sheriff.

 

And then I quit the sheriff's office, enjoying the marines, and, you know, it it is, in fact, the the best cold. Yeah. Because that's a fun gun club. Well, I think that's part of it.

 

Right? Like, the labels along the way throughout anybody's life, but at yours, in this case, I mean, you just happen to pick careers that make it difficult to sort of assimilate into society without the able?

 

Because your your career then becomes your your life essentially.

 

Your your work environment becomes your social and environment. Right. And your social environment, that there is no separation. Yeah. Everyone knows everything about everyone else There is no privacy.

 

There is no sense of self. And that's by design. What do you mean? And then, so getting out of the Marine Corps, and going from this this ecosystem, this world where I'm I'm actually valid.

 

And I see that validation. I experienced that validation. Every day. You know, whether a junior marine is coming to me with something or I see something on the horizon that needs to be fixed, so we just fix it.

 

It's not an issue. All of a sudden, you know, my oh, God, at that point, my 9 month old? Is screaming. Nothing I can do is fixing it. Mhmm. And it turns out it's just because, you know, babies scream sometimes.

 

Right. They're tired, they're they have a gas bubble, whatever the case is. But in my mind, you know, my experience with that is you're you're failing. You're failing as a human.

 

You're failing as a father. You're failing as, at the time, a husband, you you are failing in every single way that matters. I imagine it'd be difficult, especially I I can't obviously speak to what it must be like.

 

Being cop or coming from even that background, but at least as far as active duty is concerned, I I totally agree. It's 1 thing that I think early on in my career.

 

So Lee and I actually started together. We didn't enlist together. We enlisted around the same time, But once we got out of basic training, which was at well, Paris Island, but we went to infantry school, and that's where we met.

 

But then really, from that point forward, I sort of followed him around. As he transferred to different platoons and units, I sort of followed him, and then it just happened to work out.

 

And luckily, we got along. But to that point yeah. So as far as active duty is concerned, I think it's 1 thing to do your job and attempt to do it well or get confirmation you're doing it well.

 

I think it's another thing to try to integrate into society while you're active duty. Because like you said, it's tough to balance.

 

People you hang out with are the people you work with, which are the people that come to your house to watch your kids and your dogs when you're not home. And it's all the same conversational topic. And nothing really ever changes.

 

So I'm I'm curious, Lee, I guess, in your case, what sort of things did you do once you decided to not continue serving on active duty, like, mentally, how did you sort of cross over to the the the Jedi side, you know?

 

I mean, the the the short answer is, like, it didn't. I I failed and I broke pretty spectacularly.

 

What's that mean? So, you know, the Marine Corps obviously has a a base level of acceptable physical fitness, for example. Mhmm. So when I got out, I started the the joke I uses, I I ate Cheetos and pizza -- Mhmm.

 

-- for, I don't know, a year and a half straight -- Oh. -- because I couldn't when I was after duty. I just have the body type forward, and I just couldn't.

 

And I think really what was going on behind the curtains, is more important, because everything else was just symptoms, thereof of the, you know, there was separation anxiety on my part.

 

Because I had always had my friends, my social group kinda issued to me. Oh. In law enforcement, you become a pariah.

 

So you don't have to worry about making friends because your friends are who you work with every night when you go on shift because well, during the not working times, you're sleeping, and no 1 wants to hang out with the police.

 

Do you think that's more attributed to just, like, in in those respective lines of work.

 

The the closeness that you can develop is of relationship with these people regardless of a cop to other cops or military to other military, but the closest you can build with these other people that It's because you have to rely on each other, interpersonally.

 

It's it's a different sort of level. I don't I don't so when we're talking about the camaraderie, that those specific professions yield.

 

I I don't honestly think it's because you come to rely on them. You know, everyone is always from the outside. Looking in, everyone's always amazed that marines will run into fire to go drag 1 of their buddies back.

 

Mhmm. We you don't think about that. Yeah. You just do it. Like, you train to that standard. So the comradery, I really think, just comes from situational closeness. Okay. Because you don't get the choice. You live with these people.

 

You eat with these people. You sleep. With these people, platonically, mostly. Mostly. But at no point is there really ever separation And when there is separation for vacations, leak blocks, what if the case may be?

 

About 3 or 4 days into it, you realize that you haven't talked to your friends. And it's it's really kinda difficult because it's, you know, closeness, confidence, but it's all by necessity.

 

Yeah. And it's all situationally driven. You know? I would not have I mean, looking back at, you know, our our we'll call it the starter platoon when we hit third LAR.

 

Right? Uh-huh. Would be honest, would you have chosen any of the people you were stationed with? Without having built any of the bonds through basic SOI or anything else? No. No. Because they they don't come from your background.

 

They don't they don't encapsulate the values that are important to you no matter how you really got those values. No. You have a shared set of rules regulations, ethics, morals, and jobs.

 

And it turns out when you have to scrub a bathroom clean with a toothbrush -- Mhmm. -- with the same dudes for 6 months. When you have to mop a floor with a flipping towel with the same dudes for 3 months.

 

Yeah. You you you start leaning on each other because it's who you got. Yeah. And then when you hit the fleet, you you kinda hit that point of, well, would I have chosen these guys for my own?

 

No. But they're solid. And everyone has their strengths everyone has their weaknesses and 1 of the fun part of the melting pot with the marine corps specifically or, I guess, the military in general.

 

Is it it's kind of by design. You just take people from all over the country, and you slam them together And none of the pieces fit at first, and then after a while, 6 months, 9 months a year, you mesh, and people adapt.

 

And they make a a coherent picture. I think that's what's cool about the Marine Corps though.

 

Specifically, obviously, I can't speak to any other branches, but I think that's what's cool about the Marine Corps because it's not just singularly or even as a microcosm generational some sort of a random zeitgeist that just happened to work.

 

You know, it's it's generation to generation, almost war to war, over the last 2 centuries, that everybody sort of collectively understands that shared misery generally breeds camaraderie over time to some degree level or another, that I think the closest parallel I can kinda relate this to is if you were to hang out with the same people all the time, let's just call them spouses all the time, and then to go places to be around them all the time to talk about the same things every day, maybe a couple different details, but it's always the same person or the same people And then 1 day, you're like, man, I just need a break from you.

 

For a couple weeks, take a vacation, you go somewhere else, you see other people, know, like in our case, you go visit your family a couple weeks a year, maybe.

 

And then you go back to work, and you see these people again all the time, like seeing your spouse then all time back into the same role and the same grind. Until 1 day somebody says, you know what? It's over.

 

It's done. You can go home. You can go do your own thing now and you guys go and park and go separate ways and you're like, well, I mean, I know I said I didn't want to talk to him anymore, but like but now I kind of wish I could.

 

You know, like, there's this weird sort of a gap that at least as sort of, I guess, human in general, sure there may be some animosity in in, say, divorce couples, for example, because people generally don't talk from the same perspectives.

 

Like, if you say, I don't know, why is the living room dirty, right? Or whatever, let's just say, why is the living room dirty?

 

And somebody says, I spent all day cleaning house. Okay. Cool. But now you're talking about time and effort, and I'm just talking about the fact that I came home from work, and the living room is dirtier than when I left.

 

You know, I'm not talking about your effort. I'm just it's an objective statement. You know? But but so then this animosity builds and breathes, and you talk from different platforms.

 

But I think despite all those types of moments, like we've gotten into arguments and disagreements before of varying I guess, levels of importance.

 

But, you know, it's frankly, I have talked to you in the last what? 7 or 8 years, maybe 4 times? Maybe.

 

Yeah. Yeah. And this conversation is kind of just like I left your house yesterday. Absolutely. You know? And in that that way, I think that's where you get you know, the military creates bombs that are more family oriented -- Mhmm.

 

-- than friendship. And I'm not really I'll never argue that point because I think it's absolutely accurate. But having all of that pulled away.

 

Yeah. So let's -- And knowing. -- let's let's roll to that. Yeah. Let me let me just ask you then. So once you did get out and you weren't able to see these people all the time, same level of reliance or communication, whatever.

 

How did that impact you? What did you do to sort of cope with it? How did you manage? III got really depressed. And got really, really physically ill, not just on a, you know, physical and mental health level -- Mhmm.

 

-- because there's there's obviously varying degrees of that. On the physical side, I got fat. I stopped working out or carried. If I was some sort of not even physically fit or strong, but physically healthy.

 

Oh. And that led in for me to a a pretty bad cycle of I'll just deep my emotions because if I have Back of chips, life can't be all that bad. Oh, I see. So you've found a way to fill it.

 

Yeah. Or attempting. The wrong way. Yeah. Like, just get that out there for for the audience. Yeah. Don't do that. Went undiagnosed as a diabetic for about 2 years, near as we can tell. Jeez. Almost died from that.

 

And then I broke my back for what ended up being the third time. And I'm compressing about see, 2013 to 18 5 years? Yeah. And and that little blurb. So, I mean, there's there's a lot of mental degrading that went on.

 

Obviously, my marriage suffered because I didn't have my normal support group. Mhmm. I didn't have the resources I was used to. You know, where you start having a bad day, and so you go to your buddy at the ramp, and you're like, Okay.

 

This fucking sucks. This sucks, like, what the hell? And then cooler heads prevail a different, you know, perspective and search itself, and you just muddle through it and work through it.

 

And what was happening to me was I was having those bad day moments but I wasn't resolving any of them ever because I wasn't reaching out to my friends who still cared.

 

They just didn't see me. Right. Right. You know, we we we didn't have to see each other. So we suck at actually making an effort to see each other.

 

So how do you how do you address that? Like, once you realized that maybe that was the issue, you started using your I guess, familiarity with other people and being in their interpersonal space as a cop as a marine, whichever, or both.

 

That once you didn't have that reliance or that crutch, how did you start building back then to sort of rely on yourself?

 

How did you build back self reliance? Or anything else? I divorced well, told my then wife that I wanted to divorce she was going through chemotherapy. Okay. And I had it broken back. Yeah. No. I mean, that's a classy option.

 

So I I doubled down, became the supervillain of my own story. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you lived long enough to see that, which is I think the movie saying. So Yeah. You know? No. So, basically, the winter of 20 18. I That's when all this?

 

Okay. Yeah. Okay. I split with my then wife, broke my back, the week after walked on the broken back, couldn't get into surgery because of insurance. Thank you. Mhmm. It's a Cross Blue Shield. And, really, that that was what did it.

 

That my my rock bottom didn't involve the quote unquote normal routes -- Sure. -- of self destruction there were I mean, there were drugs at that point, but they were all prescribed. Taking them properly, they just weren't helping.

 

But I woke up after basically fasting for 2 weeks Whoa. In the hospital. Because I was pending surgery, they didn't know when, couldn't eat anything. Oh, so it just kept dragging all and I was massively dehydrated.

 

I was massively malnourished. Oh. And I was alone. Like, my mom came out toward the tail end of that. It's kinda fuzzy for me, but she did come out at some point. But I I had no 1.

 

Right. I wasn't I I refused to let anyone bring the kids see me because I refuse to let my children see me like that. Oh. I need to be invisible and and strong for them. And when I woke up from having my back fuse together.

 

Mhmm. And that was when I kinda hit my my introspective self reckoning, and I had the the no shitter with myself like, alright, asshole. You are fucked. Because everything that I had done the past 3 to 6 months kinda came crashing back.

 

Sure. So not only is my body completely wrecked, my mental and emotional state was so far outside of anything resembling the baseline, I had to really, really get into myself and figure out how I was going to rebuild?

 

I imagine that's difficult. You know what I mean? Because sometimes -- It's simple.

 

Right. But, yes, it's very difficult. Yeah, because sometimes you don't realize what you're doing or not doing that got you there. Right. And and that's that's what I did as I was late in the hospital the next 2 days.

 

And then when I so when I got out of the hospital, I had been moved from the new place I had rented -- Mhmm. -- or I'm sorry, from you know, the ex wife's house to the place I had rented. I've never been in there.

 

Oh. I did not move myself. Oh, weird. I hired people to pack my stuff up at the ex's house and drop it off at the new house while I was in the hospital. Wow. It was a shit show. That's gotta take a toll too though.

 

Yes. Just because you don't have any control. I spent about 6 months. I spent 6 months every single day working on myself physically mentally and emotionally all the while trying to fix and or reconcile with the ex wife.

 

All while trying to rebuild a relationship with my 2 kids -- Mhmm. -- at this point. You know, my baby, her birthday is in February, or I'm sorry, January, and my Josh was just in February.

 

So we had birthday parties right after I'd gotten from out of the hospital, basically. And so there was a lot of I can't say animosity because there was never any blatant animosity very, very early on.

 

The ex and I decided to focus everything on co parenting. Mhmm. And that has allowed us Yeah. What? It's 20 21, 4 years later, give or take? Mhmm. That's really allowed us to to that's not math.

 

3 years. It's almost 4. It's almost 4. Yeah. But it's allowed us to kind of rebuild a friendship and whatnot, to the point where it's kind of a segue, but I got into doing a bad situation with an ex girlfriend.

 

Mhmm. And, like, she's the 1 I'm calling. Oh, okay. Try to yeah. So she's she's she's really now what she should have been while we were married.

 

Just in a different role. That makes sense. The analogy of, like, I have a really awesome, amazing, overprotective little brother. Yeah. He's dead. Yeah. Yeah.

 

So anybody anybody listening here, what we're talking about resiliency overall When when Lee was talking about breaking his back, we're talking probably a pretty easy hundred and 50 pounds above your waist, just resting on your hips.

 

And that's only half your body. So, like, there's at 1 point in your life, probably not to that degree anymore.

 

But at 1 point in your life, I think your your your physical stature probably played a role too for your mental perspective, like, I should be tougher than this. Like, this is a lot harder than I was expecting.

 

Did you find that creeping in a little? That, I've I've never actually had that specific issue. Oh. So when when I broke my back and I went in for the x rays before I knew it was broken -- Mhmm.

 

-- the x-ray tech that did the x rays. You know, they saved a little preview -- Sure. -- freaked out. Like, made eye contact with me and said sir, whatever you do, don't move.

 

I'll be right back. Okay. Alright. Well, that's not I'm not okay. What? Yeah. Because now I'm terrified. Sure. And the the actual x-ray doctor comes in, looks. How long has your back been hurting?

 

I don't know about a month, a month and a half. At this point, you're basically missing the vertebrae. Oh. I'm sorry. What? You know, how are you walk like, did you walk in here? Yeah? How? Put the left foot in front of the right foot.

 

Yeah. Sure. I'm not what do you talk about? She's like, you shouldn't be able to be stand. Like, you should not be standing right now because there was no bone on bone. There just wasn't a bone.

 

There there was no vertebrae there. I was holding myself up throughout the day just using core strength. Jeez. Which also explained why by, you know, 3, 4 in the afternoon, I was exhausted when I had to lay down.

 

Wow. But so that part never really entered into it like I should be physically stronger? Yeah. That came a little later. And it's really 1 of the things I'm struggling with now because I remember the days when I was you know, strong.

 

Sure. And I'm just now getting back into lifting and working on actual strength training as opposed to just physical therapy?

 

Right. Which obviously is different. Yeah, that's gotta be that's gotta be something too just to mentally overcome. And and like you said, I think reconcile is a good word for it.

 

Like, it's it's just the reality, but it's not a bad 1. You know? It's it's sort of this undulating cycle of life. But you know what? Before we actually get into that, you had mentioned a couple things that I'd wanna cover.

 

Let's take a quick break, and then we'll come back. We'll talk a little bit more with Robert Lee about coping strategies and Metal Resiliency here on SD YT the podcast. Hey everybody. This is Porter with SD YT the podcast.

 

When we're talking about spending time with your family and even remembering loved ones, maybe when you can't be there. I'd like to pass to Mike for a second over to my buddy, Dax. He's gonna talk about the bee and the bear creations.

 

That's BE, and the BEAR, be in the bear creations. Text? Hey, everyone. It's Stack Just wanted to take a moment and give a shout out to my wife, Julie. She is a artist of sorts but she has spoke page called the B and the Bear creations.

 

And what that page is for is basically if you wanted to do a specialized them like a tumbler or a hat or a vinyl or a decal or a shirt, you can go there.

 

You can ask some questions, look through the wares, but then give a DM and try to sort it out, and then work it in just pricing.

 

But if you're in something like that, go ahead, like her page is the b and the bear creations on Facebook. So go enjoy Alrighty. Folks. Welcome back to SD YT of Podcast. Again, I'm Porter I'm your host.

 

I got Robert Lee here on the other end of the line. We're talking coping strategies and mental resiliency. If you're just tuning in, You missed about 25 minutes of this conversation, but don't fret. That's why there's a rewind button.

 

Alright. So now as we go through, if you listen on Spotify, Apple Podcast, or Google Podcast, or Anchor. Feel free to hang out for about the next half hour, 40 minutes and we'll continue this conversation.

 

So where we left off, Lee, we were talking about essentially different phases of your mental psyche since you got out of the Marine Corps and how that sort of developed and evolved for you, but 1 of the pieces you brought up that I we haven't talked about on any other episode yet.

 

Curious. We touched on depression a little bit a few weeks ago, but you had mentioned this this concept of hitting rock bottom.

 

As a whole, as it as it applied to you and just you being your own human. So I'd like to dive into that a little bit take a take a couple minutes. What what was that like for you? What was it was it like emotionally?

 

Or what did it mean physically? Or what were the circumstances? Describe it a little bit. So for me, you know, rock rock bottom was really sitting in the hospital waiting for search because I'm physically crippled.

 

Mhmm. Emotionally dead. It was really the only way I have to do it. I saw no I sort of hope with the mother of my children, with my children, why would I even want to be in their lives? Sure. Because I'm a liability.

 

And I I'm I've very, very strongly feel that parents should never ever allow themselves to be a liability. It it's going to happen. We're all human. But they they should never be the driving force on why there are liability?

 

What do you mean exactly? And, so, When you have children, especially young children, I I kind of have a driving focus in my life that whenever my children need me, want me, whatever the case may be, I'm gonna show up.

 

I'm gonna be there. Sure. They don't ever have to question because, you know, know if I've had friends that had no relationship with 1 or both of their parents.

 

Oh. And that's that's very possibly 1 of the shittiest things in the entire world -- Yeah. -- that I've been able to identify because through no fault of their own by the fact that someone chose that they were going to exist.

 

They don't get to have Christmas -- Mhmm. -- with 1 or both parents. They they don't get to have a celebration of their life, I e, their birthdays, with both parents.

 

So rock bottom for me was waking up in the hospital fixed in quotation marks after, you know, the surgery. Mhmm. But still very, very fundamentally broken on the the 3 big categories.

 

That a human being can't be broken -- What is that? -- physically, mentally, and emotionally. Okay. I see. Sure. Sure. So rock bottom for me was When I looked in the mirror, I saw someone that didn't they didn't rape.

 

Ah, okay. A relationship with their children. But so, obviously, it's sorry. Go ahead. I was just gonna say, obviously, that's a little bit more self imposed because you haven't actually hit the bottom of anything.

 

Absolutely. No. It it's purely a a introspective self evaluation. I was not hitting my metrics. I was not living up to my perspective of my potential. So, actually, it's it's a good thing you brought that up.

 

I was actually talking to a guy a couple days ago. We were talking about how to prep for a meeting that he had to have with with somebody else. This was his first meeting with this person.

 

He was just nervous, and unsure of how to go about getting his point across, would it be, you know, what he defined as a successful meeting with a good outcome or was he gonna get shot down and disregarded, like, He was wasting somebody's time.

 

Right? And he was just nervous and anxious and in his head about it. And so I'm not a would you say business counselor, I guess, or or concierge of professionalism, so to speak.

 

But But how I broke it down to him in the moment was in planning for what you want to accomplish in this meeting or any other as you go throughout your career, you have to best identify really 3 things.

 

1, what are you trying to accomplish? 2, is the other individual or the group of people you're pitching this to.

 

Going to be interested and help you effectively accomplish whatever it is you want to accomplish. And then the third thing, if you don't feel like you're prepared have you accounted for all of your own ignorance and limitations?

 

Because if you haven't and you try to script what you want to accomplish in that meeting and word for word, get through something to manage your nerves.

 

It's probably not gonna work when you hit a friction point. Which is probably gonna happen early and often. Right? Every plan is good till you get hit.

 

So similar in in concept though, where he had short changed himself because the metrics that he set were essentially falsified because he had didn't he didn't have any way to account for how will I react when I'm at a low point or when I'm confused or overwhelmed or depressed or whatever, similar in your circumstance when you hit rock bottom.

 

If you've never been there before, you can't account for how do you respond? How do you manage? How do you cope when you get to that point?

 

And so you almost have to cut out what I think is a pretty important section of just human just being human, that if you always plan to hit a standard whatever that is for yourself, at a certain level, but you don't account for your own ignorance or lack of experience, then you kinda shortchange yourself what was that like for you?

 

Did that ever sort of click where your metrics the realization of your metrics even was just I had about now I will say in complete transparency.

 

I was on so many opiates at this point. III was fall like, when I got to the hospital, I went to work the next day.

 

0II worked remotely before it was cool. And luckily, I have coworkers and friends that would absolutely cover for me because I was on meetings with these guys, and I would be falling asleep.

 

Oh. Not because I I just I was owned. Mhmm. And so I that was a that was a rough, like, week back to reality, to to speak. Like Roseanne Barr on Ambient? Pretty much. Yeah. Some of some of the stuff I was coding at that point.

 

It I don't know how I started coding in ideally, but it I mean, it's impressive. Yeah. But I I probably had about an hour of the the darkest, most bleak mindset I was probably at that exact moment the closest to suicidal I'd ever been.

 

Mhmm. Which wasn't really saying all that much because it's never been an option for me. Right. But if I was ever going to go down that road, that that would have been where I did.

 

And then I I really it it sounds trite and it sounds cliched. Know, if if this was Hollywood, there would have been a montage and everything? Yeah. But I'd I'd legitimately just looked at myself in the mirror and said, alright.

 

You're broken. You're emotionally dead. You are mentally exhausted and you don't see a way out. How are you gonna fix it? I think that level of futility is actually more common than people are willing to discuss.

 

But it's it's that that last question. After you make those declarative statements, that last question I found is really what separates those without resilience and those with resilience.

 

Because at no point, did I actually contemplate laying down and dying. Mhmm. The the the only question I had, and it's a big 1.

 

Is what are you gonna do to fix it? I think for me. Because at that point, everything hinged on me. Sure. It was my behaviors. It was my lifestyle choices and everything. That that I was experiencing was me.

 

Well, so it's like you mentioned earlier, you were talking about when you you were in the hospital you didn't want anybody to bring your kids there, for example, to see you like that to view you as somebody or or even just an image of somebody that was no longer this sort of invincible superhero, you know?

 

You were -- Right. -- broken and down at a low point. But I mean, how does that even come in?

 

Was that for you? Was that like your sort of guiding direction? Or what When when for me specifically, You know, my kids, in my opinion, deserved to have this kind of larger than life image of their father.

 

Mhmm. And I'd argue that it's this way for most parents, regardless of mom, dad, whatever the case is.

 

But parents, because you don't want your kids to ever question can mom and dad fix this? No. No. The answer is mom and dad can fix this. And then the the actual reality of life will slowly work its way in as they get older.

 

Mhmm. And for my kids specifically, I I didn't stay at home dad. I'd been like, my my life existed in that home with those children. Sure. Every waking minute of my life.

 

Was planned around their actions, their movements, their responsibilities. That's gotta be tough in and of itself to adjust to. It is, it was horrible. Okay. I've never been I've never been so unprepared for an endeavor in my life.

 

Unprepared. I probably never will be. What do you mean unprepared? Because there's no downtime Oh, okay. Even when you're deployed. Right? You have downtime. Mhmm. That downtime may come in length yo, I got a porta potty.

 

Awesome. I'm gonna take 5 minutes. I'm just gonna go to the bathroom. Yeah. And nothing else really matters outside of that 05:10 minute window. Right? Sure. You don't get that as a pair.

 

You damn sure don't get that as a stay at home dad. Yeah. Poor mom. Whatever the case may be. So the the rock bottom for me was really akin to hitting a reset button. But don't you think that adds a little bit maybe?

 

To this this realism of the let's call it the superhero image. Right? Like, being able to take a hit and then get up off the ground, you know? No superhero wins a fight without being punched once or twice.

 

Is there some way to salvage that? Do you think? I mean, maybe. It may have added, but, honestly, at that point, I think it kinda starts bringing in a more, I'll call it, almost common sense as a value, right, where you have a goal.

 

Mhmm. And, you know, life is taught as adults. You're gonna fail. Right. It's not a question of if it it's really just a matter of when. It's just like owning a motorcycle. It's not a question of if you're going to put the bike down.

 

It's when and how bad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so in that regard, it doesn't necessarily, I think, detract. From the image I want to portray to my children? As their personal superhero?

 

Mhmm. It's more kinda flushing it out and giving a more complete picture. And directly, really, to parenting, you know, it's something I I harp and preach to my son specifically but both kids is he he gets really, really frustrated.

 

When he doesn't succeed. And it doesn't matter if it's, you know, doing homework for penmanship or writing or math or playing a video game. Sure. If he does not succeed, if he's not in that top, in the percentile.

 

It it it destroys him for for a brief period of time, and, you know, there's temper tantrums, there's frustration, there's complete and utter lack of wanting to continue to do it.

 

Sure. So I drive home to him. What, for me, has always been really common sense. But he struggles with, and that's you get good at what you practice.

 

Now clearly, on the surface, that that's very simple -- Oh. -- because know, as you practice, as you have repetition, you will improve, and it doesn't matter what you're you're practicing.

 

Okay. But that also holds true on the swing of if you practice the repetition -- Mhmm. -- during temper tantrums. Feeling defeated, not picking yourself up. Well, then you're gonna get really, really good at failing.

 

Oh, I see. Okay. And and that's really where that resiliency, I think, is very, very subtle. And not ever really identified. At least it wasn't something that was identified to me verbatim.

 

Oh. And it's something that I make sure that I bring up to my kids, verbatim, because it's it's 1 of those common sense values that maybe isn't quite so common sense. Well, I think I think it depends on where it comes from.

 

Right? Because if if we're talking now, then let's say, common sense as a key value in building resilience see in coping strategies, which if you just tuned in, that's what we're talking about this particular episode.

 

But so if we're talking about common sense, I think I think it's different. Right? Like, it's weird. I've seen, especially more frequently, I think, with parents that are closer at age to their oldest kids, as they become teenagers.

 

But but generally speaking, most children most children who have parents let's say, that they're able to try to build or foster a relationship with.

 

Don't care to listen to them as often as the parents would appreciate. You know? And so building that sort of common sense, I think, comes from the peer group.

 

Sometimes. And now 20 21, we're talking any random screen name on YouTube could be a peer group to somebody else that they've never physically met before. You know?

 

There's almost like dichotomy now, where you've got to balance your physical self, social cues, awareness, development, whatever, and then your digital self, an avatar, in effect, but it's development and and how to socialize with people that you don't see face to face or if you do, they've got some cartoon image, you know.

 

But but I think fostering that sort of level of almost concern and and guidance for developing common sense I think it will make a huge difference and in in effect sort of build its own support group because you maybe you can choose it if you go to AA support group.

 

Maybe you can choose it by, say, enlisting or relying on people like in our case where you're in the same squad bay for 6 months, or 30 days and you get 2 showers, you know, eventually, you're gonna come close.

 

But but digitally, like like for your son, for example, how old does he know? He'll be 9 in February. Whoa. Wow. Okay. Just go ahead. Because you should, in fact, remember when he was being bait. I well, not the moment, but yeah.

 

III mean, I remember putting a gate up on the bedroom door. So when he came to the house, he wouldn't be, you know, like, man, and setting up the nurse. That's crazy. That's but okay. Sure. Time time happens to everybody.

 

Let's say Yeah. So it's okay. So 9 years old though. How do you based on your experiences, I guess, how do you recommend fostering a mentality of teamwork and building poor group to complement whatever deficiencies.

 

And you say he gets frustrated when he doesn't do well or get to this nth percentile, I think, is what you said, how do you encourage that?

 

Because he's only gonna listen to so much you say. Eventually, he'll talk to his friends. Well, this is actually 1 of those areas where the pandemic has actually been helpful. What do you mean? So a lot of the social influences.

 

We we haven't put Joshua or Abby back into school yet -- Mhmm. -- since we pulled them out. Because, you know, we we basically put them in a bubble away from the entirety of the world, because we want them to live.

 

But there's digital access. So we're talking like a like physical separation. Control that and especially as you know, someone who's graduating January with a degree in cybersecurity?

 

Sure. I can control every aspect that. Yeah. But I mean, just for the sake of clarity, what you're referring to though is physical separation as a bubble. Oh, well, about physical and digital -- Oh.

 

-- in this case, because for the past 2 years, basically, we have controlled 2 varying degrees, every stimulus that has come into their lives. Ah, okay. So you know, their digital footprint for Joshua is really school related.

 

We've we've had a couple of, like, virtual play dates -- Mhmm. -- with some of his friends. But you know, even then, someone the the last play date he had, 1 of his friends, started straight up bullying his sister.

 

What? And Joshua was having done it. He was like, look, That's not good. Yeah. You need to apologize, and we're not gonna have any more play games. So 1 -- Good. -- that's a super proud daddy moment.

 

Yeah. Sure. But 2, the the loving affable persona. Of my son became much more what you're used to coming from me -- Mhmm. -- of, yo, Yeah. No. We we were we were low laughing and joking and life was good, but you just fucked up.

 

Right. Now we're now. She crossed the line. Yeah. And you're going to fix it or I'm going to fix it. Either way, it's going to be fixed. And really, when we're talking about common sense, and trying to teach it as a virtue.

 

I I think that's that's really a good example because morals, ethics, virtues, really what it all boils down to is there are things that are acceptable.

 

From yourself, from others, and then there are things that are not acceptable. Sure. And the hard part is really defining all that.

 

Yeah. And then you have the resiliency to make those decisions and act on them. And, you know, having an 8 year old in a social setting, bring everything to screeching halt and saying, no. That's huge. You will not do that.

 

Yeah. But, you know, I don't have to worry necessarily with the life that they've been living on what they're being exposed to, because what they're being opposed to physically or digitally, I have complete control of that.

 

Yeah. You know, their mom has complete all of that. And that that's made things a little a little more simple. Yeah. Up to and including support groups.

 

I fought against going to therapy for years, and it it damn near killed me. Not only did it, you know, damn near physically killed me, but it almost killed my relationship with their mother. It almost killed my relationship with them.

 

Sure. So that was 1 of the things after Rock bottom that I did. I created my own social group, my own support group. And I I did that was 1, not easy, but 2, I've hit the point now where why aren't people talk about.

 

I understand, like, never let him see a sweat. But oh, yeah. No, guys. I can't come out to not have therapy. We would do it Wednesday. Yeah. And then when they ask you, well, why are you going to a therapist?

 

Because I'm fucked up. I have seen and done some shit in life that has left a mark. Sure. And I've also found the honestly, what should be common sense, but isn't at all. I I found the the true value of having an impartial third party.

 

That's a fact, man. It's huge. And it's not talked about. Yeah. And the fact that it isn't really goes against again, that that that that common sense mindset of use logic.

 

Okay. Let me play devil's advocate for a second then because common sense is only as common as it is popularized, realistically.

 

Otherwise, it's obviously just sort of subdued even if it is common. Right? Like, It may be common, I don't know, that everybody wears shoes outside.

 

But if nobody talks about shoes, eventually, people don't care. You see people in their front yard barefoot. Right? But it's not a big deal. Your Florida's showing. Well, what do you yeah. What are you gonna do? 1 palm threw away.

 

But But, you know, if you, for example, actually talk about the importance of wearing shoes outside, for whatever those reasons may be, eventually more people pay attention to the importance, not the fact that people are or aren't wearing shoes.

 

You know? And I think a lot of I think it's a it's a stretched example, but I think a lot of it parallels to similar to what you're saying with therapy. In any sense, physical or otherwise, but but to what you're saying therapy.

 

Right? So there's all sorts of strength training programs, for example, physical fitness. But just say, strength training programs on the Internet, YouTube, books, PDFs, audiobooks, whatever.

 

Available hard copy, obviously, you can buy 2. But But then you try to build it and customize for yourself. You don't always recognize your deficiencies. Right?

 

Like, you can video tape you doing a deadlift and see whatever is happening or read a document on how best to do a technical technically speaking, a deadlift, but to have somebody else do your programming for you and help coach and guide you along the way, you learn exponentially more and you make exponentially more progress, then if you didn't have that support group, and the crazy thing I think is that is common sense.

 

Like, I can do this on my own sure you can, but will you get as good or as effective results if you involve somebody else compared to you doing it on your own.

 

The same reason you hire a professional plumber even though you can probably duck tape with the best of them.

 

You know? The the third party perspective, let alone just the experience, it speaks for itself more often than not, and it gives you a sounding board.

 

And I think that's sort of the benefit of things like this. Where even in this moment, you and I are able to talk that really we haven't caught up too much this in-depth, pretty close to almost a decade now.

 

You know? And and shame on us, by the way. It's it's definitely more your fault than mine. Yeah. No. But and it you're right. It goes both ways, but having opportunities like this where I'm not saying they don't happen.

 

It's not like I've canvassed the top hundred people here. Right? Or or anybody even on social media for that matter or in person, but but it's easy to let life get in the way of moments like this where you can actually help each other.

 

Right? And and social media, we've brought this up before, but social media is just being social where the digital platform is the medium. For being social.

 

Right? It's not Facebook. It's not anything else. It's in this context using social media to help each other. Yeah. I'll agree with you, especially in this context. I think a lot of what we are experiencing now, honestly.

 

Kinda comes from the media in quotation marks. Sure. And the evolution that it's seen because, you know, with the advent of the Internet, what used to be a valuable tool Mhmm. That had had morals, ethics, virtues, You know?

 

It it doesn't now. Because now it's what how many buzz words can I fit into a headline? What can I do to get something to sell? So I can continue to get paid. And, you you you don't see the type of journalism that you used to.

 

It's terrible. And and especially when we're talking about kids, resiliency even? You know, those are social factors that have to be accounted for -- Mhmm. -- especially when raising children, but even for your own mental health.

 

Sure. You know, the whole body pause activity movement that we've seen over the past 5, 6 years. Yeah. It absolutely was 1 of the things that led me to be laid up in a hospital room, a hundred pounds overweight, missing their vertebrae.

 

Because I'd look in the mirror and go, damn, dude, you got fat, and there was kind of that judgmental, hold yourself accountable mentality from the wrinkle.

 

Uh-huh. And then it was instantly slapped down by yeah. But I'm awesome. Yeah. Yeah. People have to lock me for me. They don't. Mhmm. And that's the hard truth.

 

People don't have to love you, period. And on a personal side, like, if you don't love yourself and you're not actually living your own hype, you're just going to you're going to break, and you're going to break catastrophically.

 

Yeah. I think that's 1 thing though that this like, I'm gonna I'm gonna call it body positivity, but let's just call it self esteem.

 

That understanding that you're comfortable with who you are as a person or how you look physically or, you know, how you think or whatever, just having some self pride and some self esteem is definitely a good thing, for sure.

 

But I think it becomes a problem when that self esteem or or body positivity, I guess, I'm quoting like you can see my fingers.

 

But but but that but that that concept starts to overlay and blend a little bit with what's actually healthy and you taking care of you in a way that that positive you deserves.

 

Absolutely. And I think that that that's the application of that common sense. Mhmm. That that is being overlooked because you should always be your biggest type man. Yeah. You should always be your biggest supporter.

 

You should always be your strongest advocate. Right. Yeah. But taking that, you know, that that's the positive side. The realistic difficulty ness of that is you have to be able to look in the mirror and have honest introspection.

 

And fact based information and data to drive that positivity. Now you can still maintain that positivity if you're a work in progress because here's the thing, we're all a work in progress. Sure.

 

But if you're a hundred pounds overweight and you look in the mirror and you're like, man, I'm awesome. Well, why? Why are you awesome. Yeah. Are you awesome? Because you stuck to your meal plan and you went on a on a walk that morning?

 

Are you that awesome? Because, yes, you're a hundred pounds overweight, but last week, you were a hundred and 5 pounds overweight? And you're you're making progress?

 

Or are you awesome because some Instagram model said everyone is beautiful and she's pretty, so therefore, I'm pretty. We don't need that type of, like, transit of property, and I think it it really does more harm than good.

 

Well, okay. Let me stop you for a second. I think in your specific example that I can only assume happens all the time because there's Instagram accounts with millions of views, and in my opinion, don't have much to offer.

 

Right. But regardless, they exist. And so it must mean the popular sentiment is seeing certain images makes people feel better about themselves. To some degree or another. Right? If we just put a scientific sort of hypothesis there.

 

But I think that's the biggest difference too behind fostering some sort of a growth mindset, I guess, where what you are supporting in a positive direction is the growth, the journey of the progress towards how you define a healthier, more productive, more capable, more effective you, physically, mentally, emotionally, whatever that however that's qualified.

 

But but to use that to foster complacency or where you're not accomplishing your goals necessarily, where you're not taking care of yourself, where you're not getting closer to whatever your most effective ideal you is, I think that's when it becomes detrimental.

 

Now before we get in real quick to anything else, Let's take a quick break for a couple minutes, sort of wrap these up once we come back.

 

Talk a little bit more with Robert Lee. On SDYT to podcast about coping strategies and mental resiliency. Alrighty, folks. Welcome back to SD YT the podcast.

 

I'm Still Porter. I'm still your host, and we're still talking about coping strategies and mental resiliency here now on episode 8. We're we got a call in from Robert Lee at a Palm Desert, California, which is super cool.

 

I haven't talked to him now and pretty close to a decade, but if you're just joining into this episode, what we've covered so far was a lot of catch up a little about resiliency and an awful lot about how common sense is tied into that.

 

The 1 thing we're gonna round up with or round out with, I guess, depending on your common core is we're gonna talk about goal setting, and essentially how that comes into play and into focus.

 

There's a few different ways we've already discussed common sense and how it's sort of commonly experienced this this sense of what your body's doing and how you're thinking and what you're doing is is commonly experienced.

 

But but when there's issues and and when there's sort of deficiencies, mentally, physically, whatever applies, it's difficult to discuss in a public forum, especially now 20 21, almost 20 22, if you can believe that.

 

And and how it's not as common to discuss. And so using social media, this sort of public way to communicate digital platforms as a medium, fostering that sort of communication because obviously value still hold value.

 

And I I think that's understated, but it's not always over exemplified if even talked about at all. So So that's what we're talking about.

 

Common sense is a value though, and being able to take mental resiliency to sort of harden yourself against issues that you may find yourself experiencing like we talked about with Lee here, rock bottom, experiencing staying at home and taking care of his kids once he got out of the military, and and making a transition into taking care of himself without a provided support group.

 

Not with marines anymore, with other cops anymore, but now sort of relying on himself without crutches.

 

And finding a way to do that, I think in setting certain benchmarks for yourself to accomplish that and setting certain goals, I think is the is the way to go. But let me roll back to you for a second brother.

 

What do you what's your take on goal setting throughout this whole process? How do you feel about it? I mean, through through my process, it has absolutely changed, you know, from a young age, we we mentioned in the the beginning.

 

You know? Gold setting for me was always career based. Mhmm. Yes. It was my life, but it was always career based. I wanted to be a lifeguard.

 

So I mapped out everything. This is how I how I obtained that goal. And then it was okay. Now I wanna go to college. Okay. Now I wanna be a cop. Okay. Now I wanna be a marine. So it was very, very career oriented.

 

Mhmm. And the career oriented goals kind of kept everything else within right and left lateral limits. Right? Sure. So now I don't have that structure because you know, my process of hitting rock bottom, I I had no job.

 

My job was to provide for my children. And When I started working again, separating from their mom, rebuilding those relationships, III didn't have that the type of goal setting that I was used to.

 

Sure. Yeah. So I used the really the same base model of, say, prepared for, like, a physical fitness test that you would in the wrinkle.

 

Mhmm. Like, I need to be able to run 3 miles an x. I need to be able to do my 20 pull ups. I need to be able to do a hundred crunches.

 

Whatever the case may be. You trade to a standard. Well, there there are no standards in life. Like, there's no really right or wrong way to live your life. It's all dictated by you and your goals.

 

So what I did was I took a really real applied common sense approach to what's important to me. And family was the first thing on the list. Alright? What do I do? And really, the answer is you make the effort and you're around.

 

Yeah. Even if you're not living there, even if you can't be physically there, you have calls with Skype. You build a relationship with their mother. It doesn't matter if you 2 don't get along.

 

What matters is you're both able to put the kids first and that type of thing. And I found over the past, you know, 3 years that that translates really, really well into every aspect of my life.

 

What do you mean? So I went back to school in 20 19 to finish my bachelor's. Mhmm. Because I wanted to be able to exemplify to my children that getting a degree of higher education is is valid.

 

I just had a lot of free time at the GI bill. So Yes. Why not? I mean, I'm not gonna lie to anybody. If I had to pay for college, I probably wouldn't gone and done it again.

 

Sure. Sure. But I don't. So here we are. But but just everything like taking that that that morning 5 minutes, like, 5 minutes every morning and just kinda taking stock of where you were, where you are, and where you want to be.

 

And it it's it's kinda nice because you get to be selfish in that exact moment.

 

Because other people's once, wins, and desires don't matter. And so when you're talking about goal setting, you have individual goals, family goals, social goals.

 

Every every subcategory gets a goal. Right? Yep. And it really it can vary day to day, hour by hour, whatever. And so when I was crawling my way out of rock bottom, for me, I took what I I kinda coined the 666 approach. What's that?

 

So when when you're struggling, mentally, emotionally, physically, whatever the case may be. You can't always look 6 months ahead. Right? In fact, if you if you use the I'm suicidal mindset. And that is how bad you're doing on that day.

 

It's gonna be everything you you can to muster What are you doing in 6 minutes? Oh, yeah. Okay. What are you doing in 6 hours? Because if the next 6 seconds don't go well, you're gonna be doing a lot of nothing because you're dead.

 

Yeah. So when I when I was hitting rock bottom, I asked myself, are You always have to have a plan because specifically the marine corps ever taught me anything.

 

It's always have a plan. Yeah. They're wonderful things to deviate from, and recover too.

 

Sure. So I started for longer than I'd like to admit, but I would pretty much ask myself multiple times throughout the day? What am I doing the next 6 seconds? What am I doing the next 6 minutes? And what am I doing the next 6 hours?

 

And then as I got healthier, that got extended to alright. What am I doing the next 6 days? Weeks. Months. And I'm finally kinda hitting the point where I I personally, I'm on that for, like, the next 6 years.

 

Well, that's huge thing. Congratulations. Yeah. It it it's nice, but it's it's it's really really nice because it dynamically adjusts based on you know, parameters and variables that you don't always have control over.

 

Yeah. Because resiliency isn't unfortunately, it's not a video game. Right? You can't always just put on some armor and become more resilient.

 

Yeah. It's because in real life, it's it's a constant process. Mhmm. And there are days when you are going to be super resilient and nothing is going to phase you or touch you.

 

And then there are going to be days when, yo, you stubbed your toe and you ripped Christmas paper when you were wrapping Christmas presents, and then you burnt your egg that you were cooking for breakfast.

 

And goddamn it, I just don't know how I'm going to make it through today. Yeah. Yeah. So with with the try to I guess, tie it back to common sense as a virtue. III feel like I kinda lived my life by Shays. Quarter a mile in time?

 

Sometimes. Mhmm. Yeah. But, you know, my my my father bless his heart, he pounded into my brother and I. You know, always have a plan they're good to deviate from and recover too. Nothing you ever planned is gonna go that way.

 

Mhmm. You know, the Marine Corps, the military, in general, has its own, you know, no plans to buy us first contact? Sure. You know? Everyone has a plan till they get punched in the face. I mean, you're not wrong.

 

Mhmm. But they're they're they're they're great little baselines. And so when you use that common sense approach, I I personally find that it If nothing helps, it helps kind of weed out the low to no value action.

 

In terms of benefit to you or someone else. Right. Yeah. Okay. Or or any really in general.

 

Just benefit. Yes. Because and that helps with the resiliency because instead of well, you know, III started this noodle and you know, I'm I'm an hour and a half into doodling on this legal pad that I keep for notes.

 

What am I doing? Mhmm. Because I I still have work to do, and I still have that assignment.

 

And, oh, I need to go over to the kids because we were gonna go for a walk and But really, you're just overwhelmed. So being able to use that common sense logic and kind of apply it to introspection.

 

I like that. Helps maintain that resiliency for me. Yeah. I like that. And I found that you know, I mean, sometimes it's every 30 minutes. Sometimes it's every week. But I'll I'll find myself asking myself, alright.

 

Where were you? Where are you? And where are you going? Because it's really, really easy to lose yourselves in the patterns of the day, and that that really hurts your general resiliency.

 

Because the apathy that you face as an individual at least in my experience is is really what's going to be chipping away.

 

At that. Yeah. They were self doubt, self worth, perceptions of self. Mhmm. Are are really where everything starts for me. And if I can maintain a good handle on that, that is both constructive, critical, and honest.

 

And really, the other things that life throws at me just glances off. That constructive, critical, and honest, I guess we'll call it philosophy.

 

Can be pretty powerful, but almost ubiquitously applicable. Yep. If you realize it, I think if you don't, it's ironically extremely easy to overlook. It took me about 38 years of broken back and a second divorce.

 

So nothing major. Yeah. Yes. Little things. Yeah. I mean, it it really, really low price. They caught it on a half off sale. Yeah. Not a big deal. Yeah. COVID fire sale, I think they call that Yeah, man.

 

It's it's pretty crazy to see how almost no matter how times change or which people or which experiences, occur in any particular order, it really all does come back to being able to give yourself permission to be honest with yourself and critical of plan to build yourself back up in a constructive manner.

 

And I think as long as you're able to do that or more importantly, especially in your case, from what you've been saying, your ability to build a support group or find a support group to help you do those things.

 

Can can bring you out of whatever your bottom is or wherever you feel you're slipping to. And I think the not to make all of this sound doom and gloom, You could also be doing very well in your life, and just want to be better.

 

It doesn't have to be super bottom of the barrel. Absolutely. Yeah. This is no rule. Like I said, and I I kinda touched on that with the 666 rule.

 

Yeah. Yeah. You know, for a solid couple of years. I was in that 6 second to wasn't To 6 minute windows. Yeah. Sure. 6 seconds to 6 hours, and now I'm hitting the, you know, the right lateral limit of 6 years.

 

Yeah. Like, I I have plans and schemes and ideas and life's pretty pretty fucking good when he's considered. Which is huge, man. Congratulations again.

 

I think that's saying quite a bit. And to anybody listening, it it can be just like Lee brought up as simple as what am I doing in the next 6 seconds to contribute to obviously what am I doing in the next 6 minutes and so on.

 

And I I think huge, man. I really appreciate you taking some time out of your afternoon. I think it is there. To be able to come and hang out and just just catch up a little bit and just talk about some stuff, man.

 

I I really appreciate the opportunity. Absolutely. No. It's it's You know, I I find because I've as I've gotten healthier and life has gotten a little bit easier, I I find I find myself reaching out to old friends -- Uh-huh.

 

-- and whatnot more. And, yeah, try not to have the next statement, just be a cliche. Mhmm. With no intent to follow through.

 

But no. Absolutely. You should do it again. Yes. I'm on your book. Have a good summer. Yeah. Right. Like, oh, yeah. No. We're we'll always remember that no, no, we won't. Life will get in the way if we let it.

 

Mhmm. So Yeah. Well, and then that's the thing. Right? Like, how do you how do you intend to handle the relationship of whatever degree for the next 6 6 experiences into the next 6 Christmas cards, into the next 6, whatever.

 

It's the same kind of parallel, you know, where, yeah, life can get in the way, but even if we only talk again in 20 25 and then again in 20 35 for the next whatever 15 so years, I think as long as the experiences are bridged and the relationship is built and the process is there and there's familiar.

 

Like there's still a reliance. There's still a support group. It doesn't have to be an everyday thing that that the potential is there, and that's that's really I think ultimately what matters in any sort of positive direction.

 

For social media, in this case, like the podcast or or just reaching out to old friends like what happened to work out here on this episode.

 

With that though, I'm gonna have to round this out a little bit, and I'm sure you wanna get back into your afternoonly.

 

But again, I I really appreciate you coming out, man. And we'll we'll look to have you again on another episode in the future.

 

Maybe 5 or 6 from now. You know? We'll see how it goes. Yeah, man. Sounds amazing. Alright. Yeah. I really appreciate it. And then to everybody listening, thanks again for tuning in.

 

Again, episode 8, SDYT podcast where we just talked about coping strategies and mental resiliency revolving around common sense as a virtue, We talked about introspection and this 666 ideology, which I think is huge in its own right.

 

So I'll bring that up and we'll rebrand that. But otherwise, yeah, it's everybody else listen. We'll see you again next time on Porter. I'm your host, and that was SDYT the podcast.