S3E10

Lynda: [00:00:00] I'm not like anybody else. I don't wanna be like anybody else. It's okay. To be different and do things differently. It doesn't make it wrong or right. It just makes it different. And now that is how I stand out and that's okay. 

Porter: All right, folks, welcome back to transacting value, where we are encouraging dialogue from different perspectives to unite overs, shared values.

Now our theme for 2022 is the character of your character. So who you see when you look your values in the mirror today, we're talking our September core values of forgiveness, humility, and sacrifice with the founder of FIT by Ms Lynda and author of please put my legs in the car. And also Mom, I Can't Lose You.

My mom, Ms. Lynda Fleming. So if you're new to the podcast, welcome, and if you're a continuing listener, welcome back without further ado folks on Porter, I'm your host and this is Transacting Valyou. All right. So, Hey, can you hear me? How you doing? 

Lynda: I'm doing great. How about you?

Porter: I'm [00:01:00] good. I'm good. I think this has been a long time coming, but I'm glad you had an opportunity, especially on what are we now?

Sunday afternoon, where you're relaxing at home to sit down and talk for a little bit. 

Lynda: I'm glad too, this is how I need to catch up with you at work. 

Porter: Yeah. basically it's kinda like take your mom to Workday

Lynda: at this point, but I bet you, I bet you wish you had the mute button growing up.

Porter: Oh, you have no idea. Yeah.

yeah, it would've been it would've been a lot more peaceful that's for sure. Guys. I told you three times, get out of bed, get dressed, get your clothes on. Do this, pick this up. Stop doing that. Stop. Putting your brother. Stop doing, getting the buckle. Yeah, mute. Would've been nice.

Lynda: That's pretty accurate. 

Porter: Yeah.

Lynda: That is, that is definitely accurate. 

Porter: Yeah.

Lynda: I'm glad you were actually listening now. I know for 

sure. 

Porter: Uh, there's a difference between hearing and listening. 

Lynda: Uh, but it was active listening. 

Porter: Okay. 

Lynda: Cause you did move 

Porter: but no. Anyway. All right. No, I, I do appreciate it. Uh, so let's dive into this real quick, right?

Nobody else can see you. Let's jump into you a little bit, build some relatability. Obviously you wrote these [00:02:00] books, you've been having a presence on social media. You work with all sorts of people for the people that don't know you. Who are you? What makes you, you 

Lynda: good question. Um, on, I can answer that in twofold on the personal side and on the professional side.

Porter: Sure. 

Lynda: Um, on the personal side, only child born and raised in Pittsburgh ghost dealers. I came from a family where my dad initially was military then was a long distance truck driver. And then was just diagnosed as terminally ill when I was seven years old. My mom conversely raised me. She was a spit fire Italian who did her very best while my dad was on the road and while my dad was in the hospital. So I grew up knowing and hearing excessively from my dad. We're not always gonna be here. You need to learn to do things for yourself. That was kind of my foundation all through life, learning how to do things on my own.

I didn't have brothers and sisters to ask. I had cousins or friends and they weren't always right on the [00:03:00] professional side. I initially graduated with my undergrad from, at that time, a small college now university in Pittsburgh. When I graduated, the steel mills were closing down and I realized I was not gonna be able to find a job in my chosen career path, which at that time was human resources for personnel management back then.

So I up and moved to Florida and being an only child. My parents were right behind me. When I got here, my very first interview, the gentleman asked, where do you see yourself in five years? And I said, I want your job. And he laughed and thought, wow, nobody's ever said that before. I said, I do. I wanna be the director of human resources.

I wanna be able to do the hiring, the firing, know what jobs are there, what aren't and help people on their career path. And that was kind of the springboard for my entire career. After several years there, and two children of which you are one, I left that field and went into enrollment counseling for a university in Tampa.

And a third [00:04:00] child was born and realized at that point that the hours, the demand, the quotas were very excessive in trying to raise three children at that time. And also a relocation in the middle of that. Once the relocation happened, I ended up putting my children. You included in a private Christian school.

And my role as a guidance counselor took on because I had the university experience. It was easier for me to teach students what they needed to know to embark on their career path. However, my first accident happened and I'm sure we'll go into that later. That changed my path, my forward, my life physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, all of the above, as well as my vision for what I thought my future held for myself and for my children.

But I've always had a love of dance through high school, through college, through life dance, with my outlet, as a result of that, you and your brothers were instrumental in getting me back into the gym and showing me can do despite obstacles I [00:05:00] trying overcome. And I found I can still dance just a short time later.

I got my certifications in Zumba pound and, and they were springboards into the next path of my career, which was giving back and showing others that even though you have obstacles you can still do things. As a result of that, and a second accident, I realized I'm not the only one that has to learn to do things differently.

But that music set me free, and dance. And I designed a program under my FIT by Ms Lynda called Belly FIT, which works on the whole body in a small space. And now that's the path that I'm on in teaching others, either online or in the gym to overcome whatever obstacles and hindrances they may have. And hopefully I'll stay on this path for quite some time.

It's rewarding to see others come to life when they thought they couldn't. And it's physical therapy for me to keep me moving and keep me outta the wheelchair.

Porter: I imagine it is on a lot of different fronts, right? Everything's clearly [00:06:00] more physical. Now, when you're talking about, like in your case Belly FIT, you said, or pound or any of these programs, does that mean it's all physical because in most cases, anyways, when it comes to rehab or, any sort of recovery really? That it's almost gotta start with some sort of mental recovery or fitness or rehab before your body can really even start to legitimately make consistent progress. Have you found that to be the case?

Lynda: That's a great point. The mental aspect is the foundation of everything.

When I laid in the hospital twice 21 years ago, and again, four years ago or months at a time, I thought the only thing I could do was stare at ceiling tiles and count them. And I thought that was gonna be my life. It was very frustrating, but once I beat the mental battle and realize it's gonna take time, it's gonna take healing.

It's gonna take a lot of discipline to get up, to do the things I used to do or to try to. That's kind of what I teach in my class. When we walk in, I say up front of course, to thank everybody for being there. But I also [00:07:00] tell 'em, it's a judgment free zone. You do what you can, there's no right or wrong.

It's just important that you keep moving something. We all come together mentally as well, because for one hour in the classes are 30 minutes. In my classes, we can't think of anything else other than, Hey, I can move my arms or Hey, I can move my legs. I'm laughing. This is fun. Thank you for bringing this back to me.

It's an escape. It's a therapy. It's a group effort for my students and for me. 

Porter: Yeah. I bet. I bet. And I mean, some things don't get me wrong when they're in your head, you sort of have to process on your own to make any headway, but in a group, there's a lot of things that are easier, cuz you've got more distractions, even if it's not an easier process overall, it seems simpler in the moment.

But when you say it's a judgment free zone, you can't account for where people are in their head. Right? So ultimately it sounds like what you're advocating is the atmosphere, the climate is judgment free, but how do you recommend or how do you [00:08:00] actually help people? I don't know, forgive themselves or accept their own deficiencies. So they're not judging themselves as harshly to better be able to move past whatever their own self-imposed verdict. 

Lynda: Well first I think humor helps when they walk into my class, they see me on a stage with a Walker and think, well, what is she doing? And if they haven't done my classes before, I'm sure the speculations are high on their part until I tell them my story and what has happened, what I've overcome, and that they too, if they want, can move forward with whatever they have, mm-hmm whatever limitations.

Um, the humor helps. I would, I would say it eases the discomfort of walking into the classroom. I was in their shoes and it took me from the accident in 2001 to, 2005 to walk into a gym with you and your brothers. And I was petrified. I envisioned the gym as perfect people. These were people that were fit in shape. They looked good. I wasn't in that category anymore.

I had a Walker. I was [00:09:00] terrified. I didn't want the stares. I didn't know how I would overcome the staring let alone, what could I physically do in a gym? With my body, but I knew I had the desire to make a change. I knew I wanted to somehow find the old me that enjoyed fitness, enjoyed working out. And I wanted to spend time with you guys.

That was huge for me. And, but I would sit on a bench outside of the Zumba classes and feel completely defeated. Like how would I ever get back in there again? And I cried, it was difficult, but I realized if I could get to the gym, get out the car, get into the gym, there was less chance me running out the door, getting back in my car.

Once I through the doors, I would see people that I knew that encouraged me, motivated me and helped me get to my next level. And I found myself in the back of a classroom one day in a Zumba class because of a phenomenal instructor that said, just give it a try, just stand in the back and listen to the music.

Even if you're tapping a toe, you're moving something, just come in and give it a try. [00:10:00] Nobody's watching you. They're watching. Instructors. And once I thought about that, I realized that was my place of change for other people. So I started in the back row and before I knew it, things were moving, even though I was holding onto my Walker, I could still move my hips or whatever part of me, I could tune into the music.

And before I knew it, people could look past my Walker and I was in the front row one because I'm short and I couldn't see over people. 

Porter: Mm-hmm . 

Lynda: And two, because I found my comfort level of I can do this. And I knew from that point someday, I needed to give that back segue quite a ways further. After the second accident, I was in a gym on base and taking a Zumba class, actually. And co-teaching it. And a gentleman came up to me after class. And I guess he had been watching through the windows at the classes and looking what they were doing. And he said, I wanna be in your class someday. And I thought to him, why couldn't you be in my class now? And he showed me [00:11:00] that he had a metal leg.

He said, because I'm afraid. And I said, are you afraid you're gonna fall or you afraid you're gonna fail. And he just stared at me and nobody ever said that. And he said, if you teach a class I'll be in, it was turning point for me. I guess I have used my entire life since I was little, as all obstacles were catapult for me into something bigger and better. Even at that time, they were boulders that I didn't know how I was gonna get over.

Porter: And then now?

Lynda: And now I through faith have built on that rock and passion for dance and passion for making difference. All of my roles have come together from being a mother, to being a guidance counselor, to being an instructor on a different level of helping other people. Humor helps. I can laugh at myself and I would rather point out my flaws and laugh at me before somebody else does. 

Porter: Well... 

Lynda: It puts people at ease. 

Porter: Okay. Let me, let me stop you real quick, cuz it doesn't always have to be self-deprecating right. Usually that puts people [00:12:00] at ease. Obviously, unless that individual makes it awkward. Right? And then everybody feels awkward, but it's important in a gym setting.

For example, humor does help, but if walking into a gym because you think everybody's perfect and this doesn't have to be you, this could be whoever you is listening. You're overweight. You're broken somehow, emotionally, physically, mentally, whatever, and feel like you don't stack up because you think everybody's perfect.

You don't want to go into a gym. Two things are true. One. You're comparing yourself to the other people, not to yourself. And two you've forgotten that every single person in the gym is afraid to fart out loud when they're squatting. 

Are you ready to have fun while shaping and toning? If you're not comfortable or don't have time to get to the gym FIT by Ms. Lynda classes, focus on cardio or stretching and toning for all levels. While concentrating on key areas of the body to help firm and tone all you need is space. The size of a yoga mat look FIT by Ms. Lynda includes 30 minute classes for Belly FIT, [00:13:00] Belly FIT Stretch, and Belly FIT Belly Dance all on Zoom Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, or Friday morning and evening class times are available. For more information, email fitbymslynda@gmail.com. And remember, it's not what you lost. It's what you do with what you have left that counts. 

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Humor does help, but if walking into a gym because you think everybody's perfect and this doesn't have to be you, this could be whoever you is listening. You're overweight, you're broken [00:14:00] somehow, emotionally, physically, mentally, whatever, and feel like you don't stack up because you think everybody's perfect. You don't want to go into a gym. Two things are true. One you're comparing yourself to the other people, not to yourself. And two you've forgotten that every single person in the gym is afraid to fart out loud when they're squatting. 

Lynda: So, so true. It is right. So true.

Porter: And so really everybody in there is afraid of something.

So all things considered everybody's gonna look differently, but you're in good company. Unless of course you don't care about farting out loud, but in a gym environment, that is what it, what it is. And so to try to remember that any environment you voluntarily put yourself into you are already steps ahead of anybody else who hasn't gone in, but you're already at least on the same level as everybody who is in.

So you can't really shortchange yourself because you did walk in, but remembering those two things helps and humor obviously helps convey some of that. But you mentioned something earlier that I [00:15:00] latched onto pretty tightly as well. You said no, one's watching you. You said stand in the back. Tap your toes, do whatever you're gonna do in the back of the room.

Nobody's watching you, they're watching the instructor, but it's so easy to get sucked into. This is broken. This looks different from whatever I see as the normal average in my social circle of normal and of average that I'm gonna stand out. And because I stand out, everybody's gonna see me. Well, I mean, we're humans, we're egocentric by nature, you know, so it's not that that's odd or uncommon, but it's not necessary either.

See, here's the thing you think about this semblance of fear mongering we hear about with people, posting things online over the last call it decade, 15 years, whatever you put on, you're gonna get vilified and metaphorically crucified for whatever it is you're putting out online. If people don't like it, and everybody's gonna jump against you and these increased rates of whatever teen suicide or violent acts or whatever.

Well, okay. There may be some traction with those comments to increase [00:16:00] violent acts as a result of people talking violently online, but. All things considered that's because more people have found out about it sooner and more people can put their opinions into it, which makes you feel like you're more substantiated or justified in taking some sort of actions.

Okay. Well, I've played grand theft auto as a kid. I haven't stolen one vehicle. I haven't taken one hooker and stolen her money. I haven't repainted a vehicle to get away from a flying helicopter. You know, like it's, it's just as circumstantial in that regard. But over the last year, taking active role consistently trying to create a social media presence to get seen is way more uphill than it might actually come across.

Because if I'm doing something online, like a podcast, for example, or posting to support it and publicize it and build notoriety or whatever I'm trying to accomplish and people don't see it. It's totally counterintuitive. To whatever you might normally think social [00:17:00] media is, but real life isn't that different.

You may think that people are going to see you as soon as you step out your front door and they will. But that doesn't mean they notice you. That just means they're not blind and no offense to blind people, but that is what it is. Right. And so if your fear is, people will see your flaws, chances are, they don't even see what's good about you let alone your flaws. They just notice your flaws first because it stands out from the baseline, but they're not necessarily judging you for it. And to our earlier point, chances are higher. You're judging yourself more than they're judging you. 

Lynda: Absolutely. 

Porter: So in these classes that you've had, or since let's just say over the last 20 years, all of these experiences that you've had, have you found any of that to be relatively more accurate than what you just described?

Lynda: Absolutely. I have been since I was little, most critical on myself, one because of trying up to people that I thought where I wanted to be, but it has taken me some. To realize I'm not like [00:18:00] anybody else. I don't wanna be like anybody else. It's okay. To be different and do things differently. It doesn't make it wrong or right.

It just makes it different. And now that is how I stand out. And that's okay. I've tried to teach that to the three of you have tried to teach that to my students as a guidance counselor. I've tried to teach that still to this day to my students in the classroom. Sure. They're gonna look at you. Sure.

They're gonna form their own opinion. It's how you handle their responses. It's how you handle their questions. But I also try to put them at ease upfront and find something positive to help them overcome whatever obstacles they're trying to persevere through. Well, 

Porter: that's sort of how it works, right?

Like everybody's got setbacks, at least in their own perception of some kind for some reason or another. Everybody's got setbacks to say, for example, after a divorce, my life's over. I have no money. I have no life. I don't know where I'm gonna go. What I'm gonna do, how I'm gonna sustain whatever living or quality of life I'm trying to is one thing, but [00:19:00] really it's just a setback because actually your life is not over. You woke up again. The problems really aren't that big of a deal, because if you can't get food, nobody's gonna let you starve. If nothing else, there's WIC, there's federal subsistence, there's soup kitchens, there's garbage cans, all things considered.

There's also friends and neighbors, right? Like you're not going to starve. You'll be hungry for a couple days, but you're not going to starve once you realize it's okay to ask for help. Once you realize you can swallow some pride and find food, like people do it every day and not to trivialize that as a struggle, but it's effect all of these issues, not necessarily specific to you, but in general, once you start to conceptualize them as setbacks, well, then really it's more like, uh, like a deload week in the gym, you know, maybe you're programming that particular month is each week you progress or increase the load on your movements.

Right? You increase the weight. You're moving. Then maybe the last week of that month, you drop it down by [00:20:00] 25%. You refine technique, use it for active recovery, whatever. And then week five. Now you've got a new starting point higher, further up your progression than where you initially started. And so you sort of ratchet up, set back one ratchet up, set back one ratchet up, set back one.

And so on till eventually your new starting point is exponentially further than where you were when you started. You know what I mean? It's purposeful recovery. 

Lynda: Absolutely. And as an instructor and counselor and parent, you have to constantly what you're teaching, what you're doing so that the majority can accomplish it or give them alternatives or modifications or ideas on what they can do differently to make it work for them.

So, yes, I can, you know, I wanna go back to a point that you mentioned sure. For me, when I'm pushed outta my comfort zone, that's when I am the most successful at the next step. Because I'm forced to make a change of things that didn't work or stopped working in the past. You know, we had an experience, you, you mentioned the [00:21:00] WIC and the food system.

And I think I wrote it in my first book. I was always raised that when things got really difficult, you turned to the church, that's what they're there for. They're there to help you. And we didn't go into detail on my accidents, but in the first one I had a, an old antique piano fall over and crush my leg to a bag of sand, uh, 21 years ago that resulted in seven surgeries back to back to back.

I didn't know, from time to time, if I would wake up with a leg or not, you all would know before I did. So I would have to count on looking at you guys if it was still there. If it wasn't, there were so many things happening, but during that time, our income of the two family income or two earner income family went to one and food was tough.

We didn't know where things were gonna come from or what we were gonna do or how we were gonna live. It was an immediate change that we weren't prepared for. So I contacted my church at the time I asked for help because I knew they had a food pantry. I explained to [00:22:00] them what had happened. Can they help us?

So we could get on our feet. And they basically laughed at me and told me I was trying to milk the system. I was at my most vulnerable point and thought, how in the world, why would they treat me like that? I couldn't believe it. I was shocked. I was, I was disillusioned. I thought, oh my gosh, this was sacred to me.

And I just got slammed. I was devastated, but it also taught me to speak up for myself. So I contacted the police. I told them what had happened. And he had things sent over to the house. Now that wasn't the outcome I was looking for. It was more for him to make people aware of sensitivity training, which is a foundation for my books to sensitivity training to people that are different.

Again, that catapulted me into, Hey, I need to start speaking up. I need to start doing things differently. And I need to start thinking differently because now I'm in a different category. Am I sometimes, can I help others through it? Absolutely. I didn't look at it as I think you and I discussed as a victim.

It was being victimized. My circumstances [00:23:00] had changed, but so did everything around me. That was, it was a tough lesson to learn. And I hope over the last 21 years that I have made a difference to other people in sensitivity and showing and teaching and overcoming.

Porter: I mean, i, I can't speak for them, obviously. I'm not them, but I, I remember, you know, splitting a box of macaroni and cheese for the three of us to eat dinner. I also, for the record distinctly, remember, don't eat the rest of that box of cereal, cuz that's all your little brother's going to eat. Yeah. Not say I'm resentful, but I buy my own cereal now and , you know, so I've, I've made peace with it, but points still the same, right?

Like you said, victimized and victim. I've got a, a fundamental dislike of those terms in either case, but I've, it's because I've got a healthy respect for the two of them.

Lynda: Mm-hmm 

Porter: I understand in varying circumstances what it's like to be victimized, right. To be treated like this happened to you, and it must be so [00:24:00] difficult. And I don't know, you know how you're gonna get through it and you must be so strong to be able to pull through that. And if you need anything, let me know. I don't know what that means even to this day, if I need anything. So I've gotta take extra time outta my day to figure out how you can help me based on your skill sets, and then tell you how you can help. Like, that's one extra thing I've gotta do now.

Lynda: Mm-hmm. 

Porter: All because of this victimized perspective. So we did an interview back in August with a guy named Ernie out of Canada, and he was a drummer with the Hamilton Phil harmonic orchestra. He said, when he was learning how to play drums, he just. Continued practicing.

And eventually when he got good enough, he talked to his teacher as an adult and his teacher said, well, I mean, you had no choice, but to get better because I never told you that it was difficult. See, and it was right. Whether he came to that realization or not in any sort of eventual circumstance, that is also an aspect of being victimized.

I [00:25:00] understand, I understand what you're doing is difficult. And I understand that this might be hard for you as you understand that this might be, but you don't know that it is. So don't treat me like a victim. You know what I mean? But the flip side of that coin is what are you telling yourself? What's in your head as many people as can say, oh, that's so bad.

Oh, no, I feel so bad for you. Whatever. I appreciate the sentiment, me or metaphorically as anybody else generically here, but I don't view it. It's just a setback and it's active recovery and I needed a little humility in my life. Well, hubris goes a long way and now I understand I've gotta recover on my own because clearly I had a shortfall that I wasn't aware of before.

Not that that's your case, but as a perspective shift. So have you found that to be relevant for you or am I totally missing the mark in your case? 

Lynda: Not at all. You're you're spot on. I say the greater, the setback, the greater, the comeback. That's a [00:26:00] motto personal one for me, for myself. The first accident. I remember walking into a Starbucks at that time, your little brother, who was like six years at the time had my, and the lady turned around me.

She said, I'm glad to see you take care of yourself and I thought, now what in the world does that mean? I, I looked at her, yeah, kinda baffled. She said, well, most crippled people don't take the time to dress up and to look nice. And I thought, how rude, how, how awful. Yeah. But that to me was an awakening of the visions that people see first.

And that changed how I do things. I had to go back to my basic values and my basic thoughts of, wow, this is the new image, not victim, but reality character. Yeah. Yes. Reality check. That was just one. But now it's just a way of life. I look at things very differently. The, the second accident, which we haven't discussed was a motorcycle accident.[00:27:00] 

I was a passenger at that time and thrown, wrote multiple bones, spent quite a few months in a body brace and on my back in a very rough road, which I wrote in the second book, but I was put into a facility where there were people that were so much worse than me. And I think that that all the way through my life, just when I thought I couldn't get any lower mentally or physically, I always had somebody put in my path that was worse off.

And that, that taught me my lesson. I needed to see that I'm not so bad. Stop feeling bad for myself. You can do this. It's gonna be different. It's gonna be tough. It's gonna be a fight. It's gonna be a battle again, but you can do it. Yeah. And so my pep talks to myself helps my own self confidence. 

Porter: Oh, it definitely will for sure. 100% before we get into humility and different angles of reality check. So let's take a break for a couple minutes and we'll be back on Transacting Valyou. 

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Will MacClellan: Right folks, Will MacClellan Survival Dad YT host of Scots Scotch Stories on TikTok. I wanted to stop in and let you know, it's the people with the imagination that will succeed in the future. How do you encourage it? You read, you communicate. That's the importance of it. See being literate means you have to learn, be willing to unlearn and relearn again. Reading books can take you through space, land time and reality, to become whomever and accomplish whatever your heart desires. So pick up a good [00:29:00] book or when the opportunity strikes, join me on Scots Scotch Stories on TikTok or tune in to the Transacting Valyou Podcast. And we'll learn together .Group actions may take villages, but self teaching works better in groups too. 

Porter: Alrighty folks. Welcome back to Transacting Valyou, I'm talking with Ms Lynda, my mom, about life. There's a lot of topics that we've discussed growing up over the last. What, 30 years of my life, 28 years of hers. That

Lynda: Exactly.

Porter: Yeah. That we've been, you know, at odds about like most kids and their parents. But I think in this conversation, we're starting to find well publicly that we're really not that far off the mark, our circumstances have been different. Our perspectives couldn't be farther apart in my opinion. Uh, but what we can come together on at the very least is these values that we're using in this case for September of forgiveness [00:30:00] of humility and of sacrifice.

So we're gonna dive a little bit more into that. All right. Um, but first mom, what's up? How you doing?

Lynda: Good morning. Okay. Good afternoon. 

Porter: yeah. And good night now. Um, I'm Walter Cronkite. Uh, so what we were talking about though in the first half, we obviously is a little bit heavier, right? It's a little bit more serious, but all things considered humility and reality checks and they get.

Delivered and received from two different angles, right? Like it's a two-way street. Reality checks can be public. I E from somebody else, not in a public setting all the time or private IE in your own head, generally speaking, the more positive, the reality check internal to you, introspectively of the more negative, the reality check when it's coming from somebody else usually, right.

Here's an example. Uh, mom, I don't know if I told you this. I got told this the other day we were working on a project at work [00:31:00] and I thought everybody was a little bit further ahead than turned out where they were. So when I walked over and said, Hey, I need you to close that file so I can open it up on his computer and, you know, finished my piece.

And he said, no, I'm not done with this piece yet. And I said, oh man, I thought you were already done. And he said, dude, relax. That was rude type comment. I said, I don't understand exactly what we're talking about, but what are you talking about? He said that you're just really condescending. I don't. Know where that's coming from.

I was just surprised that, oh, you're still working on it. I didn't need to come over here and ask it. I should have figured that out. Right. But it turns out how he interpreted. That was, yeah. So what if I'm not as far along as you like, get off my back and let me just work, you know, it didn't even occur to me as a perspective, but in its own, right.

It was a check that reality showed up to let me know. Hey man. Think about how you say things. Think about how you're interpreting, how you come across and he took it to be a little bit more abrasive, but the same thing happens, like in your [00:32:00] case, what did you say Starbucks earlier did? Yeah. Yes. Right. And chances are pretty high.

That person didn't mean anything by it, but to their baseline. That was a comment that made sense to, to just say to your baseline, that was a comment that just made sense to be hurtful. You know what I mean? So perspective goes a long way too, but I wanna ask you about that in moving away from people's baselines.

You can't anticipate what they're thinking. You can't anticipate where their heads at or how they're gonna view you. So how did you make a conscious effort, an active effort to start positively manipulating your own image and making it work for you?

Lynda: I feel very strongly and I say this in all of my classes as well.

It's not what you lost. It's what you do with what you have left. And I have to keep myself in check with that. Maybe even several times a day, being on my own, being by [00:33:00] myself. There are lots of things that are more challenging for me to do. I'm not gonna say I can't do them. Some of them I shouldn't do, but it's tough to put yourself in a situation where you have to get creative and think outside the box and make it work.

And then when you do it, you're proud of your efforts.

Porter: Mm-hmm.

Lynda: And I've had several situations. And I know that I wrote about them. It was a checking a checkpoint for me, I guess you could say, I think you used that word. I was in my guidance counselor role and I was cutting through our gym at the time with two seniors, two of my students who were carrying things for me, because again, I had my Walker through the far corner of the doors.

One of the administrators made a comment to his wife, hurry up, or we're gonna have call you Fleming. Now he did not know that I was in the other end. Couldn't see where we were. And he didn't know that I was with two [00:34:00] students, but I couldn't let destroy me with these two students who were appalled, shocked, mortified, and ready to attack in my behalf.

I said, no, let it go because you need to understand that's the kinda person I don't want you to become. And I said, this is not outta the ordinary for me to hear things like that. It's difficult to process. It's difficult to digest, but it's what I learned from it that you can't change other people's opinions.

You can only change how you handle them and those students this day have recalled it and thanked me because it's changed. How do and how view things. And through both of my accident, I see things on a whole different perspective. That sounds funny. And I don't wanna say because he touched I'm different, but I, my awareness is different.

My sensitivity is different. My views of things are different onto a second situation that [00:35:00] happened not long after the first accident. At that time, I was driving your youngest brother to a second high school across town. And I had pulled into a parking spot and I had a bright pink Corvette. I pulled into the handicap spot, which is what I've always done.

I do have a handicap light and my windows were cracked. He was assembling his backpack. Getting ready to head over to the office where I had to go with him to check him in. Well, alongside my door again, with my window cracked, two teachers walked past and one, I guess, did not realize with tinted windows that I was sitting in, the car said, handicap people shouldn't drive four buts.

I guess she caught me on an off day. Cause it took me about two seconds to sling my door open, grab my Walker and get behind her. I decided it was time to stand up. I don't know what I had in my caffeine that day, but it was time. I couldn't handle it anymore. And now she is embarrassed me in front of my son and I say [00:36:00] embarrassed, but I think it hurt him more than embarrassed him.

So I kept on her tail to the office with my Walker. And when the door was opened, I said, excuse me, you have no idea how difficult my life has become. And I had my Corvette long before I got crushed by the piano. How dare you embarrass me in front of my son. Well, students started cheering and clapping. My son gave me a hug and said, I'm so sorry, mom.

And I turned around and left now about my one, because I'm confrontational. That's not how I was raised to handle things, but because it felt good to finally stand up for myself and other people like me. And I don't know why it was her. I don't know why it had to be that teacher that got the repercussions of my thoughts that day.

But she did. That was the next to the last week of school. So come, it was, and now we're [00:37:00] gathered in the auditorium at that high school, she made a point to find me, which wasn't hard with my Walker. Come and say, I so sorry. I have waited all summer in hopes that I would find you and see you and talk to you and apologize for the way I treated you.

She said, you know, my husband's very callous and very smart about things. And I didn't realize I was becoming that kind of a person as well. It broke my heart that I spoke to you that way, but you also changed the way I do things and I'm not gonna say we hugged it out because I still thought, well, you know what?

I really appreciate you doing that. It means a lot to me now. And I may not have handled it right. Embarrassing her in front of all those people, but it felt right. So there have been all kinds of circumstances over the years and almost on a daily basis that I feel anxious or vulnerable, but I'm learning to handle them better.

Porter: I think that's the point. You know, I, I wanna get into some of the [00:38:00] details as much as you're comfortable with, about what actually happened for a little bit more context, but. We're talking about your character and how it's developed and what you've done consciously, or how it's inadvertently grown and changed.

There's a point that you made that I think not to quote any sort of religious texts here, cuz I can't, but you know, the, the meek shall inherit the earth I think is very misquotable regularly misinterpreted. And for whatever ground I have to speak to it, I think that point you just made exemplifies it probably the best in not so many words where, you know, meek isn't about getting stepped on meek.

Isn't about bending over. So somebody can step on your back. Either meek isn't allowing things to happen. You know, even I think it was Dante said the darkest pits of hell are reserved for those who maintain neutrality in times of moral crisis. Now that's obviously an extreme here. We're not talking about hell but hell in a relative sense for [00:39:00] somebody, uh, disabled for some, you know, physically for somebody with a.

Different mental perspective for somebody who's a kid on a playground with other kids, for somebody who's an outcast in their social surroundings and sphere of influence or for an adult in a workplace that just isn't adjusting what, whatever, right. There's their own relative turmoil and stress and sort of metaphorical hell around that moment.

And so to watch that, or to allow that to happen, isn't meek. I don't wanna speak up. I don't wanna stir the pot. I'm nonconfrontational. I think meek is understanding that if I wanted to, I could rip this page in half. You know what I mean? Like I could turn the situation around for whatever reason you don't, you have some sort of grace or, or reservation or self-control or forethought risk versus gain something mm-hmm you're using to, to sort of manage the situation.

But the flip side of that point is [00:40:00] it can't always be that way. You have to take a stand, otherwise you will get walked over and then,

Lynda: Correct.

Porter: Are you really doing anything? Just because mentally you realize there's something happening that doesn't make you any more effective in the moment, just because you say something about it, doesn't make you any more effective in the moment, right?

It's once you do something about it, that in the short term fixes the problem or in the long term addresses the problem, like in your case was more of a longer term over a few months for that lady, but it's taking the action that exemplifies this qualification of meek in a better light, that the people that are able to take action and see problems and address them for the betterment of a society or of the human condition.

Well, those are the people that come out with some sort of mental peace. 

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And we'll get that order started for you. Again, you can find me at The Bee and The Bear Creations on Facebook. I look forward to helping you create your custom item. 

Porter: It's taking the action that exemplifies this qualification of meek in a better light, that the people that are able to take action and see problems and address them for the betterment of a society or of the human condition.

Well, those are the people that come out with some sort of mental peace, better spiritual quality of life, right? Physical things, change, materialistic things change. None of that really matters. You'll be cold. You'll be hungry. You'll be wet, but okay. They change too. But the people that have peace of mind are never really that far off the mark from a baseline of peace within their lives.

And I think that's [00:42:00] more to the moral of what you were just bringing up. For the sake of time, though. I'm curious about some of the details that led to this whole push to begin with. Cause you may or may not have made these mental shifts perspective, changes, whatever in your character, but what did happen that caused these shifts?

Lynda: I think I grew up. And I think having children made me realize my foundation and did I want history to repeat itself? And then having accidents that changed the course of my life, how would that affect your lives? I always lived by and I, I don't like to get on the religion side, but it's important for me to, to share.

At one point I will quote this proverb 31, 25 She is closed in strength and dignity, she can laugh at the days to come. That's my verse. And I feel like I can overcome anything with my inner strength and with dignity and add a little humor to it. And I'll be okay. And being an example to others, put you in a situation that [00:43:00] you gotta keep yourself in check.

So as a mother, as a guidance counselor, to students, as a mentor, as even a fitness instructor, you've got be the person that you want set the example. 

Porter: Yeah. But what started all that? Like what, what, and you talk about 'em in your books, but for anybody that hasn't read 'em yet, or isn't familiar what happened? 

Lynda: Initially and I'm gonna go way back when I was seven, my dad was diagnosed as terminally ill. And so again, as an only child hearing him constantly tell me, I even learned how to write out a check at seven years old values and things that I would need to know from that point forward. He knew he wasn't gonna be there.

and wanted to teach me as much as he could before he left. That was one foundation. Um, then I ended up having three premature babies you included and people were thinking, how do you do those? Well, I didn't know it any other way. I never brought my children home from the hospital. They were always on lay away, which meant the Nick unit mm-hmm

[00:44:00] So to me, I didn't know it any other way. Well, then 2001 comes along and I have an old antique piano that I had refinished in the garage. I thought would just easily roll to the house. But when I bent down, I leaned against it and the wheels moved. It caught the lip of the garage, tipped over backwards and took me with it.

It crushed my leg that changed my whole world. I had to learn how to do everything from getting a shower by myself, to standing up by myself, to Ree because things were messed up internally, as far as. Medications. It was a relearning of who I was and it was a reset. I didn't look at it as something bad. I realized we were all going in so many different directions that had actually slowed us down and taught me what was really important.

And that was spending time with my family that was really looking at things and not just getting through the day and chop, [00:45:00] chop, chop, hustle, hustle, hustle. Let's go, let's go. Let's go. We gotta be here. We gotta do this because I couldn't physically anymore. I had to readjust my thinking, even though my mind was still saying, oh my gosh, it's just a leg.

Let's go. It wasn't just a leg. It was affecting all parts of me from anxiety and depression to pain, to how I did basic things. And now I have a fourth child, which was my Walker, which I affectionately call my legs. Thus, please put my legs in the car. And just as I thought I had rebuilt my life. I had lost my dad, which was a key figure in my life and my mentor.

And I thought, well, how do I live life without my dad? How do I do this? Who's gonna tell me who's gonna teach me what I learned. And then come the second I lose my mom. And that teaches me again that, oh my gosh, I am all alone. I've got to figure this out. Pass that comes the motorcycle accident. And I'm flat on my back for four months [00:46:00] in a body brace.

And I can't turn over. I can't sit up. I can't do anything without hands and help. And I thought, oh my gosh, how do I do this? But then I realized I did it before. When the piano fell on me, I know I can do it again. Gonna be hard, gonna hurt. I'm gonna scream and cry and yell and private because I didn't want people to think I was weak, but I'm gonna do it.

And again, I would see people that were far worse off than me. A quick example. I had been stuck on my back in the. Hospital in the trauma center. And all I could do was look out the window with my eyes. I couldn't turn my neck. I couldn't turn my back. I couldn't sit up. I couldn't do anything but lay there, but I could see out the window into the therapy garden.

And there were two Marines that didn't have their legs. I felt guilty for watching them and trying to figure out how, how are they, what are they gonna do? But I realized they were my lesson because they were so much worse [00:47:00] off than me. But the fact was you were deployed. It was my connection to you. It was my connection to reality.

And I thought, oh, I still have my leg. I may not be able to walk. Right. My back is broken. My arm's broken. My collar bones broken my scapula. I cracked my head, lots of broken bones, but I will get up. Bones will heal. I will get up. How are they gonna do it? Well, a few short weeks later, I ended up in the same therapy group with these two Marines.

And we challenged each other humor helped. Um, I would go out and say, okay guys, your girlfriend's here impress her. And they would laugh. You know, they'd be like, okay, you're our drill Sergeant. We can do this. And together, the three of us would try to stand. I know that sounds minor, but it was huge and would cry, would laugh, but it was motivation and it was healing.

And then in came another lady that, um, she was also in a motorcycle [00:48:00] accident and she was impaled on a barbed wire fence internally. So she had no broken bones, but she had so many things internally wrong and she couldn't speak, she had a trach and a little speaker saying that she used and she had facing many more surgeries.

So again, I could see that, wow, that could have been me too. So just as I felt sorry for myself, I realized I can do this. And that's kind of how I live my life. I look things now, look at things now of. What can I do to make the lives better of other people around me? How can I be there for others? So many people were there for me.

Porter: Yeah. That's exactly what it sounds like. I guess that's sort of the irony, right? No matter how much you tried over the last couple decades, you know, when you were seven, like you started learning that you're gonna have to learn to do things on your own. All things considered sounds like you've achieved that.

It's the little things that don't really matter in my opinion, where you've gotta learn to write and fill [00:49:00] out balance a checkbook, especially now, but that's besides the point, you know, you've gotta learn how to put gas in your own car. You know, you've gotta learn how to do your own laundry and shop for groceries.

Yeah, sure. But I think in comparison, what matters more to that is you've gotta learn how to rely on yourself. You've gotta learn that self confidence counts for more than it might seem. And I think ultimately it sounds like at least that's the lesson that you've learned. So congratulations. Check that box.

Lynda: Thank you. 

Porter: Yeah, but while we're talking about checking boxes, what happens, and this is in your second book, but, uh, I think it was chapter three, maybe four, but, but speaking about checking boxes, what happens when you're stranded? You know what I mean? Like

Lynda: Uhhuh,

Porter: You're done pooping, but you're done with toilet paper. What are your options? How do you do it when you can't stand up?

Lynda: Oh my goodness. Um, this is a great chapter and it's so raw and real. When I was moved to the rehab portion of the trauma [00:50:00] center and they issued bed of which pink is my color. So I requested pink and they gave me this mushy thing. They gave us slipper socks and they gave us grabbers, which for me, and being a Florida girl now grabbers are things to pull oranges off the trees.

And I thought, well, okay, I guess this is what I'm gonna learn to use to pick things up now, granite. I could not sit up, get up move or anything without my back brace on. And without help that bed pan was my nemesis because being silicone with a broken back and ribs and arm and shoulder, I could not get off and on that bed pan, without it being so excruciatingly painful, no matter what you step to it, no matter what it was gonna spill, which resolve it in bed changes, et cetera, it was horrible, but it was life.

And we did find humor in it. It was like, well, if you wouldn't wait so long, I wouldn't be stuck to it. However, I knew [00:51:00] I wanted to graduate to the bathroom. So they said, okay, this is what you're gonna need to do. And they showed me once I would get to my Walker with my back brace on how to get in there.

Well, the whole right side of my body was broken, but the pull chains on the right side, which is what you pulled to get the nurse's attention. If I did not put that pull chain over my Walker, I was stuck there until somebody came to rescue me because I couldn't reach with that side of my body and that to be quite amount of time, however, they handed me the grabbers.

I got tired of everybody trying to wipe me. It's very humiliating. It was necessary. And I was grateful, but it was humiliating. And I thought, I have to figure out how to do this. Well, I'm righthand the right side's broken. So with my left hand, I kept thinking, I cannot reach around my back brace. I'm four, 10 and a half.

My arms are not long enough. I can't reach the front. I can't reach the [00:52:00] back. I'm still stuck the grabbers. They said, that's what these are for. I'm like, what are you talking about? They would wrap to the paper around the edge of the grabber and say, this is what you're supposed to use to wipe with. I thought you've got kidding me.

OK. That means I can do it myself. I figure out how to do this. Well, of course I could not do the backside. But the front side, I figured if I leaned forward to grab my hook, I was bent over just enough that I could wipe. Yeah. Then what am I doing with toilet paper? I couldn't get it. Couldn't the right hand.

and I'm holding the grabber with my left hand. Stranded, until I realized the garbage can was across the room in the bathroom and because the pull chain was at that time was not on my Walker along the wall. And I knew I was gonna be sitting there for a while. I figured I'd fling it. Why not? What else do I have to do? Well, I made a basket and then I realized there you it's actually. 

Porter: Yeah. 

Lynda: So trash was born, [00:53:00] flinging used toilet paper across the bathroom, into the garbage can.

Now granted several times it ended up on the bathroom sink, on the floor on the floor, out into my room. Didn't matter. That was my humor. That was my fun, but I made the best of it. 

Porter: Yeah. A whole new meaning to cast away. 

Lynda: Whole new meaning. And for the records, even with my grandson, I taught him to play trashketball in a different way. And that was just sitting on a bed and throwing old paper into a box. 

Porter: Yeah. I like that one better. 

Lynda: Never knowing the actual meaning. 

Porter: Yeah. I like that one better, but I mean 

Lynda: You never need that skill I have it though. 

Porter: Yeah. You know, some are just irreplaceable. Yeah. 

Lynda: That's right. Lefthanded use toilet paper across the room into a basket.

Porter: Your own,

Lynda: My own yeah. Oh my own.

Porter: That's an important distinction. Yeah. It's not a team sport. 

Not intentionally, right 

Alrighty folks. This is Porter with the Transacting Valyou Podcast. If you haven't heard of anchor by [00:54:00] Spotify, it's the easiest way to make a podcast with everything you need all in one place. Let me tell you about it. Anchor has tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or computer. That means from an app. A desktop, both. When hosting on anchor, you can distribute your podcast on listening platforms like Spotify, Apple Podcast, Google Podcast, or even Stitcher. And there's plenty more where you can choose from. It's basically all you need to make a podcast all in one place and anchor's totally free. So if you're interested and you wanna find some value for your values, download the Anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started.

Well. So that actually brings me to our last segment of the show. It's called Developing Character, 

Ready to play.

Lynda: I'm ready. Let's go. 

Porter: All right. So here's how it works. We've got three questions basically past, present and future. All right. But what we're talking about are your values and what we're applying it to as your character. So here we go. Question one. You now, how do [00:55:00] you view your values or your value system from 20 years ago?

Lynda: Boy, I didn't know a thing back then. I'm a whole different person than who you grew up with. 

Porter: Yeah. 

Lynda: As opposed to who I am now, my values have stayed the same in that respect, discipline, courtesy manners appreciation are still there. My foundation is still very strong and hopefully that was instilled in all of you. But now I am so much more grateful. I see the value in the little things I see value in people that people don't often see in themselves. I have more self confidence through my obstacles and challenges that I didn't see back then. And the first accident was 21 years ago. 

Porter: Well, so as far as all, that's concerned that basically rounds out question two. What are some of your values now? So I'm gonna jump to question three next. How do you view your values changing or shifting 20 years from now?

Lynda: Well, I think I've learned that I [00:56:00] am eternally forgiving that's who I am now I've had to forgive myself for not being there. When my father passed, I'm still working on that one.

I have had to forgive a lot of people that have hurt me and that I've had to forgive myself for those that I have hurt. Interesting enough. I live in an environment now where I see people that are 10, 20, 30 years older than me walking past on a daily basis. This is their final resting. And I think I don't wanna be this

Porter: mm-hmm

Lynda: In 20 years from now, but what am I gonna do to change that? I hope I do. I've always had my dreams and I grew up fortunately traveling in a motor home with my parents when I was little. And I love that. The sense of adventure I have never lost. I hope I never lose that. I hope I get to experience it more. I love the beach. I hope I get to experience it more, but more than anything, I hope to inspire others to persevere over obstacles until my last day whether it's in 20 [00:57:00] years, 30 years or two years. 

Porter: Well, you say until your last day, but that's, what's cool about digitizing everything and say a format like this. It can be past that too. That's true. You know, you never really know the extent, but you gotta think in 1992 and then 1970, some odd when you were seven years old and you were initially told, Hey, you gotta learn how to do this stuff on your own in 92, when you realized uhoh, I may need to learn how to do this on my own.

And then 20 years later, 30 years later, when you realized, oh man, I am alone. I didn't need to do this on my own. It wasn't even until now that, you know, we are putting these piece, you and I we're putting these pieces together that, oh, well you have been able to do it on your own. You know what I mean? You did accomplish that or continually are improving on accomplishing that.

You know what I mean? So there's something to be said for the wisdom of the seventies still being effective today. And it's not all about computers, so you never know it. It may very well outlast. You. That's the reality [00:58:00] of the world we live in now, that's frightening, kind of, kind of, but there's a, there's a strange amount of freedom in that, you know, where you can be grateful that you've had 70, 80, a hundred years, 50 years, whatever applies to be alive living, but all things considered there's way more potential and way more opportunity to accomplish that sort of a positive impact or that sort of a progressive change or that sort of level of inspiration today now in 2022 than there has ever been, because

Lynda: True

Porter: the things that you are saying, the things that you are writing now stays for, you know, 21, 22, 22, 22, who knows. So it's, 

Lynda: That's true. 

Porter: It's pretty neat. Okay. Well, this was great. Look, I appreciate the opportunity to talk to you obviously, and I'll just call you back later tonight anyways, but for anybody else listening, Who can't do that or who usually doesn't do that? How can they reach out to you about your books, maybe FIT by Ms Lynda, join a class, maybe just [00:59:00] talk. Uh, I don't know. What, what do you got? How do they reach out to you? 

Lynda: Perfect. Thank you. And thank you for taking your mom to work today. Yeah, it's been fun. It's been quite an experience if like to get ahold of me. The best way to reach me is on my Gmail, which is fitbymslynda@gmail.com and that's F I T B Y M S L Y N D a@gmail.com.

They can reach out to me for either of the books. That's Please Put My Legs in the Car book one, or Mom, I Can't Lose You. book two. They can also use that Gmail. If they'd like to consider doing my classes on Zoom for the Belly FIT. Jump in, 

Porter: Wait a minute. These aren't in person classes.?

Lynda: I do teach online on zoom. And one day a week, I'm in Mount do at CS fitness at the gym. So come and see me then Wednesdays at 1130 and I'm also available. I travel around to different locations and do teach my class to group. So if anybody is interested in coming in or having a group or hosting [01:00:00] a group, please let me know.

Porter: So you'll fly to Seattle if somebody's down?

Lynda: Yeah. If they're down, fly me up. I'll be there. 

Porter: All right. All right. Cool. Well, yeah, no, I, I appreciate it. And obviously I'll tag your social media profiles in the post for your interview as well. Your books I'll add the links and we'll be able to pull those up from any of the posts on social media as well.

And if there's anything else, or if those links don't work, the backup then is to send you an email, right? 

Lynda: Uh, send me an email. Preferably first I will save you shipping and ship. 'em directly from me. I do have my supply here and I would. rather they come through me directly 

Porter: Personalized handwritten messages. It's easier. Yeah, 

Lynda: Absolutely

Porter: Spray em with perfume. I get it. I've seen Titanic. Um, but okay. Uh, I appreciate you again, making some time to, to jump in and, and talk and share your story a little bit more in a different format albeit than maybe what you're used to, but appreciate it. So thank you. 

Lynda: Thank you. Thank you for having me.

Porter: No problem. I'll catch up with you again here in a little while though mom , but folks, thank you for listening [01:01:00] into our core values for September where we're talking about forgiveness, humility, and sacrifice. Thank you to obviously FIT by Ms Lynda and your publishers for putting these books out.

And. Everybody at the hospital is everybody who's been helping you, uh, for your inspiration into this conversation, but also to our show partners, Keystone Farmers Market, The Bee and The Bear Creations and of course Anchor for your distribution. So folks, if you're interested in joining our conversation or want to discover our other interviews, check out Transacting Valyou, podcast.com.

And remember you can follow along on social media too. While we continue to stream new interviews every Monday at 9:00 AM. Eastern standard time on all your favorite podcasting platforms until next time that was Transacting Valyou. 

Lynda: Have a great day. 

Porter: All right, you too.

Lynda: Love you.