Alrighty, folks. Welcome back to our next episode of SDYT that a cast. Where values still hold value. We're talking about a few different topics with a few different guests and even some personalities about realistic perspectives.

 

In building resiliency, finance, fitness, mental, and spiritual health. As always, if you want to contribute material or join us on an episode, email survival dad y t at gmail dot com or message on Facebook, Instagram, or YouTube.

 

Now if you're new to the podcast, Welcome. Thanks for stopping in. And if you're returning, welcome back. Thank you for hanging out with us for a little bit.

 

To everyone watching, hit the podcast. Subscribe, ring the bell. That way you get notifications every time a new episode comes out. I'm really glad you guys stopped by. So let's cover our next episode.

 

Alrighty folks. Welcome back to SDYT the podcast. I'm Porter. I'm your host, and this is special Valentine's Day episode in 20 22. So our core values for the month, we're talking about love, kindness, and patience.

 

Now, this particular episode, we're also gonna discuss hope, and we're gonna discuss some of this stuff. For all of our new listeners, welcome to the show. We're talking the value of values.

 

And in 20 22, specifically the character of your character. We've got a lot to discuss, and for all of our continuing listeners, welcome back. And with that, Guys, I'm Porter. I'm your host, and this is SDYT the podcast.

 

There's a lot of different topics we're gonna discuss and a lot of viewpoints and perspectives, we're gonna address with a good friend coming in from Mont Jerome France. 44 year old entertainment journalist.

 

Now, Family of 4, and we're gonna discuss all that. All sorts of things, parenthood, growing up, careers, work life balance, and everything in between. So with that, Sebastian Barkei. Sebastian, how you doing, man?

 

Hi, Porter. I'm doing really well. Thanks for having me. Oh, of course, man. This is such a cool opportunity. So for everybody listening, Sebastian and I basically informally have best, I guess, just met last year.

 

But there's a lot of things that we have in common despite some different perspectives. So we'll jump into that a little bit. Sebastian, let's just sort of get a rough idea of who you are, man. How about take a couple minutes.

 

Tell us about your life, your perspective, who is Sebastian Barkei? Oh, who is he? That's a good question. I'm not even sure that I have the answer about that. I'm still searching about myself like maybe everyone.

 

Well, I live near Paris. I'm 44 years old and so if you didn't notice my accent, I'm French. Sorry. And I am the father of 2 daughters. I'm married with my husband from 9 years almost.

 

We've been together for 17 years, and I'm an entertainment journalist. For some TV guides in in France. Entertainment journalist. So like you you cover whatever channel shows events are in the area? That's correct.

 

At some point, I was a journalist for American TV shows. But now, I'm only working on entertainment, French TV shows. So I'm doing some interviews with the host of producers doing articles on the print magazine and articles on the web.

 

And that's pretty neat. And I'm doing some mini shows for our websites. I love to be in front of a camera. I saw what was it December last year, junior EuroVision, Was it?

 

Yeah. Well, your revision, I don't know if everyone knows about it. It's a very huge and popular song contest in Europe, you you will have a team in the US this year. It will be called American, some compressed, I think so.

 

And for the first time, there was a junior eurovision organized in France, and I had the opportunity to host suppress conferences because I'm kind of a specialist of this contest since many years now.

 

So I had opportunity to to travel around Europe for this contest. Because every year, it's in another country and for the first time, so January, your revision was in France?

 

Yeah. Paris last year and I think I saw Armenia 20 22. Right? Armenia 1. Yes. This year. And next year, it will be in Armenia. We don't know the city for for now, but yes, it will be there.

 

I see. Okay. And Just while we're discussing it, if anybody is interested or wants to check it out, I assume they can go to obviously a search engine for EuroVision and full at the website.

 

Yeah. And they'll post all of the updates, or is there a specific website they can go to to to find out information? Sarita, an official website. It's called eurovision dot tv.

 

You have everything on it. It's pretty crazy. Imagine it can be pretty chaotic as well. Well, yeah, because there are some political influence inferences in this contest because there are so many countries participating.

 

You have countries that doesn't like really. It wasn't like Azerbaijan and Armenia. You have Ukraine and Russia.

 

So well, it's kind some time of difficulty in this contest, but 1 thing very nice is that for 1, how can I say that you have the opportunity to to make people get together 1 time in a year that don't really like to go well together?

 

Sure. Sure. Actually, it's kinda funny you bring that up. The 1 of the values we're we're bringing into this conversation, again, for our listeners, is is love, and it's difficult to qualify that I think in English.

 

And and obviously also in French, being that there's really only 1 word for all sorts of applications of love.

 

But this you know, despite your differences still learning or attempting, I guess, to have empathy and care for somebody else, just as a human, as a person, in I don't know about currently the Greek translation to this, but at least as far as ancient Greece, concerned.

 

There there is a form of love.

 

I understand it called Agape, which essentially is empathy and charity, and caring for other people. And that's some of the power and the benefit to having, at the very least, recognition that there are shared values.

 

Right? Like, we don't have the same perspectives on life, politics, growing up, raising kids, whatever, because we well, we don't.

 

We're different people. But it doesn't mean that we're so different, we can't have a conversation. And I think that's 1 of the empowering aspects of EuroVision as well. That's correct. Yes. Bring people together with all of differences.

 

Yes. Sure. Sure. And I think I remember seeing you were a comedian at 1 point as well? I was. Yeah. I I did 20 years ago. A very popular drama school in Paris, and I never did I never had a career, but I played in some amateur.

 

I don't I don't know if that's a good word in English, a mature place, and I had the opportunity to to be a teacher as well. Dramatic sure, and that was 1 of the best experience of my of my life.

 

It was very nice to have the opportunity to give the the children and the teenagers I was working with to to give and pass my passion and values of being together because that's theatres, as well.

 

You have to to appreciate or at least tolerate the other people to play with them and find something common to to develop?

 

Develop. Sure. And so when you were, I guess, acting or just teaching or both, This was on stage. Right? As a as a theater type play? Yes. Absolutely. It was on stage.

 

Yes. I think I think to a certain degree, there's a difference between drama and theater. Right? Like I've had some drama in my life with with people, I think, and their emotional baggage but I also have some theater experience.

 

And I think the difference is that when you're dealing with drama, I guess, for the sake of play here. When you're dealing with drama from other people, you have to process what they're putting into your life.

 

But when it comes to theater, I think what's important or the important distinction, a good actor can embody emotions, on theater, movies, whichever, but can embody emotions, and memorize a script, but I think a great actor can communicate and gain the audience or give the audiences an ability to empathize with their character who they are playing that is not them.

 

You know, and see you sort of fabricated, but you're still able to elicit emotion from other people and remain empathetic as well, not just with other actors, but however big the auditorium is, hundreds of people per show per week, you know.

 

I think that's a special unique skill set too. Yeah. I think you you cannot really work for for being a good actor.

 

It's something that you need you have in yourself. It's like someone who can sing is of course, he can work to improve his voice, but he has a gift from the nature or whatever. And I think it's the same for theater and drama.

 

You need to have this kind of spark that makes you feel that you are correct playing other words It's Yeah. It's something that you have or you don't have. It's not something that you can really work to have it. You can improve it.

 

Yeah. Sure. Sure. That But, okay, so would you say that sort of empathy and passion and ability to convey or communicate emotions, but like in an atmosphere like a theater, for example, where it's a lot more intimate.

 

Would you say that ability is only natural or something that you can nurture and sort of build and develop? That's a good question porter. I think you have to work for empathy. It's It's not a natural natural gift for anybody.

 

You have to to learn to accept the other to love like other people that It's really important to learn that because you are not alone in the society and you have to to be with the others so.

 

That I guess can be a struggle for anyone to to learn to accept other people. I'm sure it's like for anyone, you have good friends and people you really don't like.

 

But because there is something that you don't feel about, may be the people you you doesn't like, but you can try to accept them Sure. At least make an attempt.

 

Yeah. Yeah. You you cannot change other person you you the only person you you can change is yourself. You have to work on yourself to accept the other, but it's I'm I think it could be a waste of time trying to change other people.

 

They have to embody their own paths to learn who they are, and you cannot interfere in that. Sure. Sure. It is it is difficult. I think, to get people other people to a point where everybody's speaking the same language. Right?

 

I don't mean, like for example, English or French or German or or mandarin or whatever, but like, emotionally, to understand despite what sounds are coming out of our mouths, that you can still look at somebody without saying words and understand somebody needs help help or somebody is disappointed or, you know, you can still convey these emotions sort of, I don't know, maybe telepathically or pheromones, or I don't know how it works.

 

Bite? It's on it's on the vibes. You can feel it.

 

Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And and so that's that's, I think, what's so unique about being able to sort of put this aura out into the universe of, say, kindness for example, then usually, it's given back to you. It's it's reciprocated.

 

But in those moments when it's not, I've been nice to people my whole life, and then this 1 person cuts me off at an intersection or slams on their brakes as I'm driving, or you know, whatever little intricacies and nuances apply to, say, your perspective that you appreciate people giving to you, they don't.

 

You know, and then it's really easy, or even sometimes you have arguments with your husband, I'm sure, where it's the same thing where you're like, man, there is no way we're gonna talk through this.

 

Let's agree to disagree. Talk about it again tomorrow when we cool off. You know? But it's easy to have negative thoughts too. Man, this person is 1 of the hardest people, most difficult people I've ever talked to.

 

I don't know why they even showed up to work today or whatever other things, thoughts come into your head. How do you you yourself? How do you recommend I guess managing or maintaining this value of kindness.

 

When you have these types of negative thoughts about people, sometimes it manifests as bullying sometimes it manifests as even even in children and adults, but digitally in person whatever.

 

How do you work through these negative thoughts and still try to be kind to everybody? How do you do this?

 

I won't lie to your partner. It's struggle of every day to to try to stay calm and and kind with the other because you have people you don't like and you have to accept them, and that's 1 of my main challenge in life.

 

Again, to accept how people are and and that they could be different that I would like them to be.

 

And, well, you have to to breathe. I guess. It's it's something that you need to to get an automatism in you you have to take some distance when when people say or act like there are mean with you, it's really it's really not easy.

 

I don't have any good recipe for it, but I I try not to say bad things about people for sure. If it's bad in my mind about them, I want verbalize it. I won't say anything about it.

 

It's for me it's the first step keeping it for yourself, working working from inside of you, nothing or acting like Well, until you can rationalize and think a bit more clearly. Just keep your mouth shut, basically. Right? Yeah. Yeah.

 

I I keep my mouth shut and and think about positive things. When I have 1 technique when I feel bad things about people or bad or when I have bad feelings, about a situation, try to relax, and I try to be grateful for other things.

 

Like, if I have something I doesn't like, at my work, I will take a breath and concentrate of On the good things I have in my life, I I will thank the universe for my daughters for for having friends, having my husband, for good things and it can help me to change my mind and feel again positive results.

 

If it makes sense. Of course, it does, actually.

 

And and I hate to put this out there to you and be so blunt and forward about this, but you're not the first person to think of that. So not to take away the credit. And here's what I said. Are you familiar with a movie called Hook?

 

No. It doesn't ring a bell. Oh, Peter Ben and Hook? Yeah. Yeah. Of course. Okay. Yeah. So here's why I say this. And and it wasn't until you started describing it that that's what was playing in my head, and here's why.

 

So yesterday, actually, I think it was Netflix or Amazon. I can't remember. But we're watching Hook movie in the nineties, Dustin Hoffman is Captain James Hook.

 

Robin Williams plays Peter Banning or Peter Pan. K. And Here's the thing. I think at least to psychoanalytically pull apart Hook and Peter Penn's story here.

 

But If Captain Hook represents negative thoughts as you grow up and get older and you sort of mature into your own emotions and thought process. He's he's impulsive, conflicting, you know, and and enjoys seems to enjoy.

 

Having things his way, and having control, and power, and negative emotions, so to speak, where as Peter Pan, on the other hand, is everything positive and kind and genuine and innocent and naive, but in hook, He's grown up.

 

He's an adult.

 

So he's seeing everything with time and experience and exposure. He's sort of been corrupted. Right? He starts to understand why people don't like each other and how easy it is to get wrapped up in work and not be grateful.

 

But if you remember the movie or even the story, the 1 thing that Tinkerbell says to Peter, to change the tide in his perspective and make things better, is think happy thoughts, and that's what gets you off the ground and you're able to actually move upward in a better direction.

 

I think is a pretty distinct metaphor for this conversation as well, what you're bringing up.

 

If you wanna fly and be a better you, then gratitude plays a pretty big happy thoughts, positive thoughts play a pretty big role. And it's even at least metaphorically, I guess, in children's movies and books and things too.

 

So Yeah, I I definitely agree with you. It makes a big difference. I love this comparison because it's been years I haven't see this movie and now you're speaking about it and it's so clear that, yes, yes, it's a good comparison.

 

Yeah. I'm not sure. I'm not sure yet. I'm not as well read, I guess. Well versed on like modern day Disney and Pixar movies. Right?

 

Like, I'm not entirely sure how in Kanto or frozen translates into these. But but yeah, when you started talking about it, Peter Pan is what was playing in my head. And I'm I'm kind of Peter Penner. You don't want to grow up. Yeah.

 

It's it's interesting, you know, like, frankly, if we're gonna just discuss it from that perspective for a second, it's interesting because Captain Hook, the adult sort of imposing everything about responsibility and whatever, is is afraid of time, you know?

 

Peter's I don't want that, but all he sees is negative aspects of growing up.

 

He's not exposed to until he meets Wendy and grows up in the movie. He's not exposed to the positive aspects of of being an adult and as you mature and in different aspects.

 

And I think that's 1 thing that at least in social media and now with the amount of exposure and inputs that, say, even kids have, we both have a 7 year old, and the amount of things that are in front of them, that we don't have any control over because it's an advertisement on YouTube or whatever, friends on random video games or any number of things.

 

That it's difficult, I think, for us to balance positive exposure for kids.

 

How do you What do you do? I mean, does do your daughters have any access to social media or YouTube or hulu any streaming services? There's ads there as well? You know, what do you How do you guys do this?

 

How do you manage that? And instill kindness? First, I I'm really okay because my oldest daughter is really kind she's she's a sweetheart and I don't have many problems with her on this side, but she doesn't really access social media.

 

She has YouTube kits on my iPad and she she watches sometimes Netflix. But she's not in France for now. With all the negativity of the social media. I I think so. I try to preserve her about all of this.

 

Having said that it's important to protect them, but they still have 2 experience. Some some things in life to make their own opinion about things. But as she's just 7, I will try for now to protect her on all of those things.

 

Yeah, it's difficult, I think, in trying to preserve that innocence and letting kids grow up and just be kids without sort of distraction of, I guess, negative distractions of whatever else is happening in the world.

 

You know, it's not to say that 1 day, she won't be, I don't know, political scientist or a journalist or covering wars and conflicts, you know, but not at 7.

 

She didn't even need that. There's there's an aspect of love here called Lutus, which is basically like what you might say about 2 childhood friends on a playground.

 

Or even even the element of relationship, maybe between you and your husband close to what'd you say almost 20 years ago, basically.

 

But you know, constantly in any other relationship where you sort of enjoy the company of your friends as as people.

 

You know, you laugh together, you have a good time together, or maybe it's playful and you flirt and you tease or that aspect of a relationship, but that kind of loving somebody.

 

Like I said, even even between kids who hug each other on the playground because they're happy to see each other. That's exemplified in this concept called Lutus, as far as love goes.

 

And I think that is similar to what we're discussing now, where it's okay to to understand that in a relationship, you don't always like somebody or being around somebody in that moment, or like what they had to say, you can still have an underlying theme of love.

 

That's not erotic or sexual, but an underlying theme of love where you at least have a common ground and stability to work from.

 

And I and I think that also helps breed kindness. Whether it's like I say kids belts, coworkers, total strangers that are hearing you on a podcast, are seeing you on a video, you know.

 

And it's That's 1 of the things that Probably more recently, in my life, that I've started to realize and tried to exemplify a bit better.

 

Because whether I know it or people listening, people pay attention. I may never even have met them.

 

You know? How many people watched your press conference back in December? Oh. But all of them in their own way could have judged you for how you came across, or how you treated contest and interviews and journalists or whatever.

 

So I think it's just as important metaphorically on stage compared to in a crowd. And that that's an important thing that you you've just said that people are are changing us every time.

 

Not necessarily consciously, but when you cross someone in the street or like when they are listening your podcast on when they're watching my videos.

 

And when I was saying sooner that it's important to accept people, I think it's really important not to judge people because you don't know who they really are, what what they experienced earlier in their their life.

 

It's really important to, yeah, not judge and not judge and accept them, because you never you never know, you never know.

 

No. And there's there's really no way. I think some people tend to put up especially since we brought up social media, but even in person, some people bring up a facade of what they want their public image to be.

 

Emotionally masked issues and trauma or physically with makeup or any number of things like you would on a stage, that you want the odd it's to believe you to be a different person.

 

But but once you begin to relax and be more honorable with people, I think that kindness is definitely more important, but it's a lot more difficult because now you identify a person as a person, not person as a character.

 

But but before we get into more of that, let's take a quick break for a couple minutes, and then we'll we'll come back with Sebastian talking about hope and patience and our core values for February.

 

So with that folks, I'm Porter. I'm your host. And we'll be back in a few minutes on SDYT the podcast. If you're looking for high quality locally sourced groceries, the Keystone and Farmers market is the place to be.

 

Alongside our signature homemade boiled peanuts, we strive to offer only the best locally sourced pasta, baked goods, jams, and jellies, farm eggs and dairy products, meats, and even seafood.

 

As well as a great selection of fresh produce. That's the Keystone Farmers Market, and 12615 TARPEN Springs Road IN Odessa, Florida. THE PLACE WITH ABOIL Panuts. Alrighty, folks. Welcome back to SDYT of Podcast.

 

I'm Porter. I'm your host, and again, if you're just joining us, I'm here with Sabastian Barche, out of Montreal and France. And we're discussing our core values in February for love, kindness, patience, and additionally hope.

 

We covered a lot in our first segment, so if you're just tuning in, first off welcome, but feel free to rewind this segment and check it out. And if you're continuing and you're still with us in the episode welcome back.

 

What we talked about before we took that break in our first segment was revolving around kindness and why that's an important virtue and and value to have to strengthen and build your character.

 

And the last piece that we touched on was essentially thing people as they are, that you really can't change them necessarily as a person, but you can positively influence them so that maybe 1 day they change and grow themselves.

 

But that requires hope that they will.

 

Or at the very least hope that what you put into the universe will change them in a positive direction. So let's talk about hope for a little bit. First off, Sebastian, welcome back, man. Thanks for having me again, Porto. No problem.

 

So nice so nice to work my English. Yeah. I'm really glad I could be here to help you. With that. Yeah. Yeah. I I wish we could do some of this in French. I think that'd be either a really comedic social or an interesting episode.

 

1 of the 2. If you want to try 1 day. Yeah. 1 day, yeah, we'll we'll have to get back on to another so down the road, and then maybe we can try that. But, unfortunately, for now, as they say, Janaepu.

 

Okay. Let's get into hope a little bit. 1 of the things that you and I had discussed was, obviously, in the first segment optimism and positive activity that you put out into the universe.

 

But 1 of the interesting things I think that you brought up to me was your dreams. And how hope is directly related to positive aspects of your dreams and what you're capable of.

 

Let's talk about that for a little bit. What can you tell me about that relationship? How does that what does that mean to you? I'm not sure I did understand you about this question. Let me say this then.

 

How does hope play a role in your perspective? For me, hope it's something you have when you're a kid because you hope for being something in your life, being a good man, being a father, being anything you want to be.

 

And but you have to work on hope with optimism. But optimism is, I guess, something that you have to learn with time when you're grown up because life's not easy.

 

I say it sounds pretty naive, but well, optimism is a struggle of every day for me too. You have to to think that the best is still to come and and hope is what makes you get up on the morning.

 

You have to have goals in your life huge calls or small calls like being kind for example. I I had a lot of dreams when I was key professional dreams when I was just a kid.

 

I dreamed of being 1 day a TV host But I grew up very far from Paris and this kind of thing was kind of unrealistic for me, but This dream drive my whole life even when I think it wasn't possible anymore.

 

And, well, today, I'm not a TV host, but I I'm hosting some web shows or press conference and things that's kinda my dream came true pretty pretty fulfilling today, but still I would like to to be 1 day, real TVs, and I don't know if I will be able to do it, but it will still drive me and there was 1 other dream when I was a kid, but this 1 I thought was totally impossible.

 

I really wanted to be a father 1 day, but I was gay. And I I realized realized it very late in my life. And it's not something it was easy for me to to accept. So having kids was impossible for me.

 

But growing up and other mentality start to change here in France. Well, I still had this dream inside of me. And 1 day, I said, why not? And I am the father of 2 daughters and couldn't be happier today with with them.

 

So it for me, it's important to still have dreams, even if they are small, just to to have something to to do in your life and you. Even if you don't have dreams that came from nowhere, you you can still have goals.

 

In your life. Sure. Sure. I think, first off, congratulations. From what I understand, the 2 of you were, what? Like like 1 of the first couples these laws were passed to to be able to have kids.

 

Right? Well, so we had our kids with surrogacy in the US because illegal in France to to to have a solar gate. So but you you can do this overseas, and we we choose the United States to do it in a process that sounded ethical for us.

 

Because we really wanted to to to be able to know our donor, to know our surrogates. We didn't knew if it could be possible to be friends, but at least know each other and see how life goes and it's going pretty well.

 

We are so lucky about about this. And the we we became faster, but there is an important thing is that we didn't knew that we will win families in the US during this process.

 

It was so Well, the server gates will carry our our daughters. We are pretty close still late after the birth and Well, we consider them as family for for us.

 

I hope it's the same for our donor because it's important for us to to have her in our life even if we are not speaking every day, we couldn't be further with all of these people.

 

It wasn't possible just without all these amazing people.

 

Again, congratulations. It's it's such a huge accomplishment. I mean, not just for, say, overall progression in the gay community in France, which obviously there is some validity there.

 

But not just for that reason, but just as people, there are plenty of people in relationships around the world who for whatever reason, none even similar to yours, also can't have kids.

 

And luckily now, there are more solutions than in the past to where you you are able to, but but I'm sure through the as many struggles and conflicts internal yourself, or even just external in your relationship, or with doctors, or in legal systems, or any number of other stressors.

 

That it can be depressing and difficult, and maybe even hurtful at times, depending on who you have to talk to and discuss these things with.

 

But I I think you're right. There's A very positive impact when we're talking about hope that can affect very real things tangibly, very real things. As a matter of fact, I had a conversation with a lady last night.

 

We were talking about how your thoughts, your mental your mentality, your perspective can be so toxic to you and your body internally, that you can manifest and make you sick.

 

Physically, And then obviously, there's repercussions for that in your relationships with other people, because you don't feel good.

 

Even if you did it to yourself, or you're holding a grudge or whatever, that these stressors can make you sick.

 

So I think for that reason too, having hope and optimism and identifying dreams and daily working through it is important for those reasons as well.

 

And as you know, my second daughter is named Hope. It wasn't easy to find a name. But once we found it, it was an obvious force to and it's not a common name in France. You don't have it. So people doesn't know how to pronounce it.

 

In France that's pretty funny, but well. We don't care about that. Yeah. No. That's fine. They'll learn for sure. That's cool though, because in it's unique, that in itself is a powerful statement then.

 

But in a positive direction, for the society and French culture as a whole because then she'll grow up and imagine the kind of impact she could have just by people knowing her name.

 

I hope so. And I hope that she will be proud of this name. I'm sure she will. It's Avi say like you said, going to take work and guidance as she grows up, but from the sounds of it, you guys are perfectly qualified to foster that.

 

It'll be exciting to hear plays out as we stay in touch over the years. But but but while we're talking about hope and this self love maintaining hope and positive impact, for your own mental health and well-being as well.

 

There's a notion, I guess, and as best as I understand how to pronounce it called faladia, which is a form of love as well, but self love.

 

There's a threshold that says, it can go 1 direction to an extreme or the other, where you either obsess over yourself, and it's narcissistic, and you're not really empathetic at all, whether it's fame for and just you.

 

Or to the point where you take care of your but so that you're able to relate to other people. See, because all of these aspects of love from this this ancient Greek perspective.

 

All of these aspects of love are for community as a society. And so how do you make that better? Well, to take care of yourself and love yourself, mental well-being, mental health, physical health, you know, whatever.

 

But to take care of yourself, so that you're able to help other people and exhibit a love for other people in varying capacity. But to help make a better society, and and I think that's what you guys are doing.

 

And designing this optimism and this hope and and building this positive bubble as you move through in society to influence other people. I don't wanna pry too much now, but I'm curious as far as public support was concerned.

 

Obviously, I'm more familiar with here in the States, but what what was it like in France? As you guys were creating this this positive character of a relationship.

 

How how did that go for you? We were very lucky because when we came out, said that we're gonna be married and that we will have children. Everybody supports us and we for now, we didn't had any negative reaction about our family.

 

Just 1 time because as things are still evolving in France when we became faster for the first time almost 8 8 years ago. We were 1 of the first families trying to to to claim that we want to be FME.

 

So we had to go to justice to court to make to to claim our rights and we had to wait 7 years for being considered both of us as parents because the first judge that we met When we were in court, basically she said that our first daughter on app didn't need 2 Pfizer that she already had 1 and didn't need 2.

 

And so we had to to fight for 7 years because of this on the perspective. But that's the only negative aspect we we cross when. When we get married, there was a lot of discussion in our society and and hate from religious people.

 

They didn't want gay people to get married and The funny thing is that our oldest daughter is today in a catholic school and everything is doing really great and I was I had some doubt at first, but I'm glad because being there, she can prove that she's like the other kids and that we are family like every other family.

 

I'm sure there's going to be perspectives that she's going to have to process as she gets older as well from people all over the place.

 

But that, like you said, is part of growing up. You can't keep that separate from perspective and upbringing forever.

 

But and that takes it, I think, a certain amount of emotional maturity a support group, a support network, as a family, to help each other through, because she may be going through it, but so are you?

 

Just from your perspective for her, you know, I'm sure you guys get worried and and or disappointed or or whatever.

 

If anything were to come up just like she would. Of course, I cannot say that we are prepared for it because we are not, but that's life. You you have to to have challenges, difficulties in your life, to to to be a better person.

 

Every difficulties makes you stronger. That's very naive to say, but so so real. I I don't actually think it's that naive at all. I think it's more realistic and mature than you're giving it credit.

 

Because to be able to understand that there are challenges in life, I think there's plenty of people actual victims or just victims in their own heads, or just people that are prepared or realistic or whatever, that understand there are challenges, but but the necessity for them and then surety to let your kids fail or struggle or build coping strategies in order to succeed, I think the only way you build resilience is with resistance.

 

And that's difficult, but you're right. Yeah. That's that's definitely a part of life. There's what is called Fhelia in this ancient Greek connotation of love where it's more of a deeper friendship.

 

Not like a romantic relationship, but what you might see between service members on a battlefield, that type of loyalty or sacrifice or sharing of emotions.

 

Maybe even from in some descriptions parents to children, where it's sort of a different type of love, but it is still a deeper level, you know, where you you you feel for your children.

 

You you empathize or sympathize in some cases what they're going through. Like, I don't know and this isn't to get into parenting necessarily.

 

Really, but I don't know if you've ever been spanked as a child or if you spank your daughters or whatever, however you discipline, but But for whatever reason, the first time you felt like you made your children cry.

 

That's tough. That's tough. On you, emotionally, you're like, oh man. I totally regret that.

 

I feel so bad. But you have to make some distance and breathe for a second, realize, okay, hopefully, I did that for their benefit, yelled at them, spank, disciplined of some kind, put them in their room you know, time out, whatever.

 

Like, I'm not a bad person, but they need to learn through resistance as well.

 

And maybe it's because of that loyalty, because of that depth of love, like for your children, for example, that it's a necessary part of life too and that helps you grow as a parent.

 

And it's really difficult. This kind of of part when you're a parent. I was never spanked by my parents when I was a a kid, and and I won't do it with my my daughter's but, yeah, sometimes you have to be tough.

 

We with them because it's the only way for them to to learn what they can do, what they can do in life or don't do, it's when they are kids, they are learning the balance between good and and evil and So well, it's not because you are angry about your kids because they did something you they didn't they shouldn't have done.

 

That you are a bad parents or a bad person, but it's really important to to be honest with your children. And it's kind of you have to trust your guts when you are doing those kind of reaction with with your kids' bits.

 

It's for their own good and that's why it's all about love. It's all about love. When you love your kids you have to be honest with them and sharing. Yeah. And that's that's 1 of the reasons for for our listeners out there.

 

That's 1 of the reasons we're structuring love as sort of an overarching theme to this episode because If in whatever form or however you define love, you don't apply it, you're not going to be kind.

 

You're not going to have hope. You're not going to have patience or empathy or any other number of emotion if you don't learn to love yourself or other people or trust people enough to be honest and be vulnerable.

 

Or even just with yourself, maybe that's where it needs to start.

 

But And I and I think that's sort of how it works, at least in my perspective, as a parent, where it's not just raising kids anymore, but once you have kids, obviously that's your primary responsibility, but you're also raising other people how to deal with your kids.

 

Because you just brought a new perspective into the world that is now influencing other people directly or indirectly as well.

 

So you've gotta educate other people. You know, like the first time you and your husband went out on the weekend and got a babysitter that night. You know? The first thing you tell him, okay, well, these are what she likes to eat.

 

This is when she goes to bed. This is how shows she likes to watch, you know, and it's a different level of responsibility, I think, when you also are needing to educate society on on how to accept what you're putting into the universe.

 

Whether it's through gratitude or education, but, you know, and once once you make that shift to being that I guess mature or that type of person in your life, where you're raising your kids but also raising your parents in this weird middle ground.

 

I think honesty sort of has to be age appropriate. Because there's only so many things you can put out before you start to sacrifice that naivete or that innocence or and then they can grow and do it as they get older.

 

Mature on their own as well. And I think it's a difficult balance, but it does take time.

 

And you know what? Speaking of time, but before we get into patients. Let's take a break for a minute, and then we'll come back with Sebastian Barche talking about love, kindness, hope and patience on SDYT the podcast.

 

Hey everybody. This is Porter with SD YT the podcast. When we're talking about spending time with your family and even remembering loved ones, maybe when you can't be there.

 

I'd like to pass to Mike for a second over to my buddy Dax, and he's gonna talk about the B and The Bear creations. That's BEE and the BEA.

 

Be in the bear creations. Text? Hey, everyone. It's Stack's here. I just wanted to take a moment and give a out to my wife, Julie. She is a artist of sorts, but she has a Facebook page called the bee and the Bear Creations.

 

And what that page is for is basically if you wanted to do a specialized item like a tumbler or a hat or a vinyl or a decal or a shirt, you can go there, you can ask some questions, look through the wares, but then give a DM and try to sort it out, and then work at adjust pricing.

 

But If you're interested something like that, go ahead like her page.

 

It's the b and the bear creations on Facebook. So Go enjoy. The Patriot Department is a veteran operated nonprofit. It seeks to help active duty military members transition into different spheres of the civilian sector.

 

Patriot empowerment Institute focuses on bringing the best out of transitioning service member through mentorship and detailed planning, regarding that member's goals, of course. By using a long term approach 2 years prior to EAS.

 

The Patreon empowerment Institute is able to leverage both time and resources. To increase the chances of a successful transition. Please visit Patreon empowerment Institute dot com for more information.

 

Alrighty folks. Welcome back to SDYT the podcast. Again, I'm Porter. I'm your host, and we're talking about the value of your values in developing the character of your character.

 

And in February, our core values. We're talking love, kindness, and patience. This particular episode, we're also discussing hope with sebastian barking.

 

So if you're just joining podcast, welcome. And if you are staying with us, welcome back. Sebastian as well, welcome back to the podcast, man. Sing's important. No problem. So 1 of the things we talked about in our last segment.

 

Really, the last thing we talked about in our last segment was how building hope and honesty and working with people, either your children, other people's children, your parents, other people's parents, whoever, but in a public world, now obviously more digitally globalized than than not.

 

But it takes time. You just you have to be willing to accommodate for other people's development, because they don't move at the same sort of maturation and fermenting as a human as you do.

 

So let's talk about patience for a second. Sebastian, what does patience mean to you?

 

Again, struggle. It's not easy to to accept that you cannot have everything right now when you want it. When you want, you have to to learn to learn it. And sometimes you you you think that you cannot control things.

 

I think it's more tricky if you can control what the other can do for you or for what they are doing in their life, but you spoke earlier about negativity when you had negativity in inside of you and that you can be a negative person.

 

But I think that you can control destiny in controlling your thoughts if you start to think positive, I think you can influence on the other and even people you don't like, Well, maybe they can have a positive reaction about the thing you will say you want to do.

 

So at least even if you can control anything of their reaction, you have to control your thoughts and trust that it will have an inference in in your life and that's that's patience.

 

You have to trust that every effort every positive thoughts you are giving to the world, to the universe will 1 day become a reality, and it's easier to have negative thoughts than positive thoughts.

 

And, well, you have to work on it to have patience too far working on it. And, well, patience is very strong in my life.

 

It's not the value. I like the most, but I have to deal with it. Of all of the values that you can work on as you grow, I guess ironically, patience takes the most time, because it's the hardest.

 

I I think I think it's the hardest because there's so many very Right? First of all, you've got, well, billions of people with billions of different perspectives.

 

Let alone languages, that's a barrier as well. But but as people, cultural differences, societal differences, your own maturity and thought process.

 

And I think the irony is in developing patients because it takes time it's sort of the irony of being human, I guess, where you think you know everything when you look forward, but it's not till you look backwards, you realize you knew nothing.

 

That in trying to develop patience, it's okay. Well, I'll just wait. Then I'll wait a few days till this pair of shoes goes on sale and I'll get it.

 

Or, you know, I'll wait a few years because maybe this significant other person in my life in this relationship, they'll change, they'll grow, they'll be different.

 

But you have no way to know for sure. Yeah, I think trust is very important, but there's still not anything concrete to say it'll work.

 

And I think that's where faith comes into and hope again. That's the thing you For me, you can be patient but you must be active during these patients.

 

Not giving up. Still working on positive sets on your dreams or trying to be a better person. Yes, you you have to wait but I think this patience, this wait is therefore a reason.

 

Just becoming something better, and you have to to work on it. Yeah. You you have to be active on it. Yeah. You know, it's it's funny you bring that up.

 

I had a conversation earlier this morning actually, because I've I've had the last few days. I've been visiting with family, and so we haven't been as active as I prefer physically active as I as I prefer to be.

 

You know, we'll eat dinner, sit around on the couch, tell jokes, hang out, whatever. As opposed to getting some food, go to the gym, or go for a run, or whatever.

 

I think the same thing applies where If you don't use your brain, just as a human, if you don't use your brain to critically think about what you're doing and what you want to accomplish, of any particular situation, eventually, it's gonna be more difficult for you to do that.

 

If you don't actively think or actively move your body in the same sense that if you leave a car in your front yard for 4 months, it's not actively running, there's going to be problems.

 

And yeah, you're right. I hadn't actually thought about that in terms of patients before until you brought it up.

 

But but yeah, I think you are responsible for taking an active role. While you wait, you may as well be productive, try to be better in some aspect or another, but I like that a lot.

 

So what sort of things do you recommend to take an active role, you know, while you have time or in being patient, to take an active role to become a better version of yourself.

 

You have to work on yourself, you have to love yourself. It's really important to have self esteem.

 

It's it's tricky because you you The the line is as a narcissist. You don't really need to be narcissistic, but you still have some self esteem because for being a better person, you have to be available for others.

 

As soon as you start, loving yourself, you can pay attention to the other and try to help them.

 

If you are negative about yourself, it's difficult because you are not free in your mind to help other people. That's why it's really important for me to to try to love yourself.

 

Accept who you are, and we know it's not always easy. It's funny because picking up all of this with you and it seems easy to say, but really, it's a struggle of every day.

 

You see, because it's so easy to have negative things in your life and getting involved with it and trying to get out of it. The first thing, yes, learning how to to keep your eyes on positivity even if it's not easy for you.

 

I think acceptance of anything, but especially if it's acceptance of something that's been approached from a negative direction, whether it's your It could be anything.

 

Your self identity, your comparison, of who you are as a person to say who somebody else is on Instagram or or their own wealth and well-being, or you as a student in primary school or elementary school or whatever to another student in your class.

 

And I think I think parents are inadvertently guilty of this, where you know, we get progress supports for our kids as students to say, well, this is how well your child is performing to the rest of the class.

 

Right? And everything's this this comparison or or where your student should be to pass standardized testing or whatever this is this is how they are how well they are doing or not.

 

But then to talk to your child as a person, You know, you've got to be able, I think, to teach them about it's okay to not be the best.

 

But that doesn't make you bad, or any of these other negative things that they might think or hear on their own.

 

And and so teaching acceptance, I think, is a little bit more important when you're talking about self esteem, when you compare it to accepting other people.

 

I think you have to accept you first for those reasons. But it's not complacency. I think it's -- No. -- it's different. If you accept This is just how things are.

 

I'm just never going to get better, whatever. So I'll be comfortable here. I think that's like you said, you have to take an active role in getting better. Otherwise, you know, you'll stagnate and and things won't get better generally.

 

Human are human the US or in France. And well, I had the chance to have a a great mom who taught me everything about life and it wasn't easy for her to to trust me on everything, but she always let me do what I wanted to try achieve.

 

And that was very important for myself, esteem, things that she can trust me.

 

I I gained trust in me because of this. That to me sounds like it's from her perspective. Like things that she had to allow you to fail through, may not have been situations where you actually felt you failed.

 

She just may not have agreed with your decisions. So were there, you know, situations as you grew up, that you actually felt like you failed yourself, that you had to help yourself through?

 

Oh, wait. I'm sick. Growing up? Yeah. So for example, math for me as a kid was was fun, and I preferred, you know, math problems instead of going out with other kids. It just I don't know.

 

It was just what it was. 1 time, we were in class. I think we were doing multiplication. And it was timed. So the teacher said you have a couple minutes to go through all these different problems and solve, find the products.

 

And And so in my head, I said, okay, well, I'm just gonna I'm gonna go fast. Like, I know my times tables, this, you know, whatever. And I went through very fast, and but I wasn't the first 1 done.

 

And as as small as that seems, for me, because I took pride in it, And I guess to a degree, I was just overly proud more than I needed to be. It was an experience for me that I failed myself and had to realize that it's okay.

 

I don't have to be the best. I I can be proud of what I'm able to accomplish but still have humility. And and for me, that failure taught some lessons too.

 

So anything like that maybe? That's not not during my childhood, but when I started working, I had the feeling that I felt myself and that everything was falling apart because of of 1 mistake.

 

Yes. But not not during my childhood. I don't think so. 1 of my first job in Paris, I dream job.

 

I I worked on a TV show. It was a dream come true and but I was so young and not mature at all. And I I failed myself because I put so too much trust in other people and I made some mistakes because of it.

 

But that's when I failed for me. But having said that, I'm glad to have left this difficulties. It was really tough for me, but I wouldn't be the same today if I didn't have those difficulties in my life.

 

So I totally understand. And I think it's important to to fail in your life. Maybe it's even important to to fend at 1 time during your childhood so you can learn faster of yourself.

 

I think critically and understand, okay, well, what about this situation actually was my fault? Why did I respond that way, how could I have handled it differently, better or not, and then learn from it.

 

And yeah, I think you're right. Having failure in your life is sort of a necessary evil, but you're able to learn from them. Sometimes you don't realize you learned anything or don't actually anything, but but either way, it takes time.

 

Having patience with yourself, understanding it takes time for you to grow and mature and that it's okay for you to grow and and be different in the future. From who you are now and give yourself permission to grow.

 

I think that is difficult but necessary. I think where patience and tolerance definitely come into play is, well, like in your case, for example, you said, within the next few years, basically 20 years in a relationship.

 

And that's quite the accomplishment in itself. Let alone all of the other struggles and hurdles you guys had to deal with within that time. But that that type of love where you're in basically a long standing relationship with somebody.

 

You know, whether it's sexual or not is irrelevant, but a long standing relationship as a couple where you're relying on somebody and you have to focus on patience and tolerance, compromising to make things work sacrificing for the other person.

 

That sort of long term friend you've had for 30 years, 20 year relationship with a significant other, It's called pragma in this ancient Greek context, where it's not a matter of staying love romantically as much as it is standing in love with somebody else, and that sort of unity and compromise for for the sake of strength, I think, is pretty accurate we're talking about patients because I'm sure you can attest to it.

 

The the secret, I guess, to a 20 year relationship, in my opinion, is the same as it is for a 2 year relationship or a 50 year relationship where where you have to be tolerant compromise, communicate, it's it's all the same values.

 

It just takes time. You have to trust the the other and make him trust you that the importance in no matter the values you are sharing, I think it's important in a relationship to in a relationship to move step by step.

 

It's it's not necessary to try to imagine where you will be in 10 or 20 years you have to enjoy the moment.

 

And, yeah, it's it's like this. You can build something in. It's not always easy for a couple. As you said, you have to make compromise.

 

Nobody's perfect, but As long as you trust the other and that you can share this trust, I think you're good. It's that person assistance I think every day to to work on it and make it better and take an active role.

 

But when you have the feeling that you are with a good person, you don't ask yourself all of those things. If you are asking all of this, it's maybe that you are not with a good person.

 

For you, and there is there that there is someone else for you in life. I think otherwise, the the opposing aspect is you start to take somebody for granted and you lose sight of their value as an individual.

 

I don't want to round out this segment without giving you the opportunity to talk about your work a little bit or any family, anybody you wanna talk to, maybe that even doesn't speak English and didn't get anything we just talked about.

 

So here in the next couple minutes, feel free.

 

If you wanna talk to anybody back home or your girls, feel free. I'll take a back seat and the floor is yours. In French, I would say that I just said that it's important to learn how to stay that you love people.

 

It's not always easy to say, I love you. It's not something I had. In my family, you feel love for your family, but you didn't express it, and I think it's important.

 

So you have to say I love you to the people you love. I'm it's every night I say, to my daughters when they go to bed. Even when we had an argument, with with them because she wasn't good at school.

 

It's important to say that no matter what, you love them. That's yes. That was important for me to say and said it in French. Because I think that Chaudem is a French world that everybody can relate to in in the US maybe.

 

Well, and if you ever want to get in touch with me, you have my Twitter account at mister 12 points. 12 points is the highest note at the eurovision.

 

We talked about your revision at first. So, do not hesitate, I love meeting and speaking with other people. Perfect. I I really appreciate it. Thank you for 1, giving me the time to to talk and open up and be vulnerable.

 

But I'm I'm glad that that you were able to to talk about them and and willing to talk about them because there's so many other people around the world in the US or wherever, that like you just said, don't always have either the ability or just the conscious thought, that it's okay to communicate about love and talk about these things, and and I think it makes all the difference despite different perspectives in backgrounds or even physical locations.

 

We can still have shared values, so I appreciate that a lot. So thank you for for coming on the episode, Mercy.

 

In Merciatua. Thank you. It was very intense. I it's awkward for me because it's usually me who ask the question during the interviews and being the the people who get 2 hands rights, really nice accesses.

 

It was very, very intense. Thanks for this this invitation portal. Really? It means a lot. Of course, man.

 

Of course. Thredien. And so with that, and to all of our listeners. Thank you for tuning in to this episode. I appreciate your time. And with that, I am Porter. I am your host, and that was this episode of SDYT the podcast.