Alrighty, folks. Welcome back to SDYT, the podcast.

 

I'm Porter. I'm your host, and now in the month of April, recovering humor, community, and creativity is our core values for the month. Right? We're talking to a lady. She owns her own company. She's a single mom.

 

Basically moved 1 end of the country to the other and did it sort of buy her own bootstraps. And so we're also gonna talk about empathy, honesty, respect and why all of these values are important to her and how she puts it all together.

 

Before I get to any of that though, if you're a new listener to the podcast, welcome. And if you're a continuing listener, welcome back.

 

Without further ado, folks, I'm Porter. I'm your host, and this is SD YT the podcast. Alrighty, folks. Welcome back to SDYT to podcast again on Porter. I'm your host, And today, perhaps you've seen her on some of these ads.

 

Perhaps you've seen some of her artwork at Amp spray art, which you can find on Instagram. You can find on Etsy as well. But we'll get more into that. Ladies and gentlemen, ASHLEY PENnington.

 

ASHLEY WHAT'S GOING ON? HOW YOU DOING? Doing good. It's my pleasure today. I Yeah. It's about time too. I'm glad it's coming back. First of all, I haven't even talked to you in years So I feel like we've got a lot to catch up on.

 

But for for everybody listening, Ashley and I went to college together a decade ago, actually. Yeah. Okay. Wow. Yeah. And now here we are. 2 birds with 1 stone here.

 

Let's play catch up a little bit and and introduce everybody to who you are and what's your background, what have you done in your life? Who who is Ashley? That's a tough question. I feel like I'm in a job interview now.

 

So I go from spot to spot. I grew up that way, though. I was an army grad, So I traveled around the United States my whole life. Once I hit college, I thought I wanna speak psychologist, hence my major with psychology with trauma.

 

Ended up not completing my bachelor's yet. So I went into nursing instead and did the P and A for a few years. I worked for the state of Montana for a few years.

 

I'm still trying to figure out what I wanted, and then I finally found it when I started paging. So first off, I guess, let me get to the the beginning point, you made you said you were a psych major with drama?

 

With theater. The theater minor. Yeah. I was gonna say that's a lot of baggage to be pulling it at 20 years old. Well, they do say most that psych majors feel like they have a mental problem.

 

That's why they go into psychology. I suppose it helps with relatability sometimes. Okay. I shouldn't say that. I'm kidding. There's there's nothing wrong with therapy.

 

And if you obviously feel a need for it, please go seek it out. It it obviously has tremendous benefits. But In this particular case, so you said you were an army brat, though, and what places have you been to?

 

So I've scored in Montana, which is my home state. We'll always see my home state. We moved from Montana to Mississippi, then we moved to Texas, and then Kentucky, and then Minnesota, and then down to Florida.

 

And then after that, I moved to Georgia, back to Florida, and then back to Montana, back to Florida, and then Ohio, and now I'm in Louisiana.

 

I feel like with all of that moving, you should be at the earliest in your sixties by now. That's that's way more moving around, I think, than anybody needs to be doing in the first 3 decades of their lives.

 

That's insane. I sure know how to pack in you all, though. Yeah. I bet. I bet. Tetris champ 19 97. That's the thing. Yeah. So no.

 

I'm I'm glad it went well for you though, but I'm assuming and I'm just guessing here, correct me if I'm wrong, that with all of that moving around, that's sort of what started building a perspective on how people think how to relate with people, maybe even empath empathizing with people that play any role at all times?

 

For, like because I was young when I first started moving. I was in first grade. The first time I moved to a new school, cross country from Montana down to Mississippi to complete different cultures, everything.

 

And what I've learned through those moving experiences that place, each person has a different background they come from, and you can't go in with perspectives or expectations.

 

And it just gotta relate, people, and understand them and that's where the empathy comes in with, you know, it's easier if you to be with honey idea.

 

You know, you get more beads with honey. If you go in with the kind kind ideas and willing to listen and understand, you're more back to make a communication friendship, relationship, whatever you're whatever you need.

 

Especially things with substance though. Right? Because I'm sure there's a lot of superficial people that you met and a lot of superficial topics you had to sort through before you got to that point.

 

Right? Oh, definitely. Yes. Yeah. I mean, that's the thing about honey. It's the dirt that sticks first, you know.

 

So that's sort of sorta makes it complicated sometimes. But but yeah. So you did all of those things using Montana, Mississippi Sippi, Texas, Kentucky, Montana, Florida, Georgia, and then basically back through all of those again.

 

So let's just say out of those states, where are some of your favorites that you've been to based on whatever factors you want. Well, Montana's gonna be my favorite. I love mountain. It's where he's born.

 

It's in my blood. After that, I'd have to say, right now it's been Louisiana. I like the environment down here. I like the pace of life down here. More relaxed. It's not so but hustle and bustle and running from 1 place to the next.

 

Yeah. I imagine not. I've been to some I guess, smaller towns. Right? So so we we initially met at Saint Leo University down in what was initially cow pastures just north of Tampa in Florida.

 

That's not the case anymore. It's in fact anything but the majority of the farmers seem to have sold out to developers, and most of that land is becoming yeah.

 

Most of that land is becoming neighborhoods. And or or just empty plots waiting for people to buy them up. But that's the pace, I guess, of the last 10 years despite everything happening in the world.

 

Right? Like, some things just don't change when it comes to sort of a small town feel. Right? Like, people try to move to those areas for a little bit of peace, maybe prosperity, maybe both.

 

But in the end, I think society always sort of has its own agenda, you have to acclimate to a little bit and adjust to a little bit regardless of what you're looking for out of life.

 

And so I'm curious, in your case, specifically, what about the change of pace? Aside from the fact it's a bit slower and a bit more relaxing.

 

Do you think appeals to you now given where you're at in your life, your lifestyle, you know, would would you go back to something busier? Do you prefer this sort of laid back atmosphere more now?

 

Or what what appeals to you? I think it's more of it's the laid back atmosphere helps, but, like, I've noticed, like, in the city, there's so many people there, but nobody connects with each other.

 

Like, you're just running by each other. There's no sense of community. There's no sense of involvement. You know what I mean?

 

And with move into the smaller towns, and it's all about community. Like, you know everyone who go to church pick on Sunday or go to the grocery store and you can stop have having conversations with people, you know.

 

You know what I mean? Yeah. He in in the city, you don't get that. They're all strangers, you know. I like the fact that I can let Emmett go run out in the yard all day, and I'm not scared.

 

It's something who's gonna come by and take them or anything because the community tier. Everybody knows who belongs to who and who's supposed to doing what?

 

That does help. You know, there's I think a few different perspectives when you think about it where they say it takes a village to raise kids. Right? There's there's something favorite thing.

 

There's what's the name of that village and how to train your dragon? That's what I'm picturing right now just in Louisiana. Oh, yeah. I can't remember now. With hiccup. With hiccup. Yeah. And toothless.

 

I can't remember, but that's what I'm picturing. Right? Where everybody just sort of builds on each other's strengths and helps to sort of supplement each other's deficiencies. Right? But not everybody gets along all the time.

 

It's like a family though. I have 4 sisters. I don't get along with them all the time, but I love them all. Sure. Yeah. And and I think a lot of that helps too, but only if you recognize it, you know.

 

Like, you could be in a big town but have a small circle or a small town and have a big circle, but in either case, it's still gonna be on your ability to make relationships with people and to a certain degree or another add value to each other's lives.

 

Right? The village piece that I think is interesting though, is that in raising kids, I think there's an obvious need to have a support network.

 

Right? Like, can you pick him from school because I gotta work late all the way up to I don't have any money for groceries because I had to pay the electric bill, no problem.

 

Here's a casserole, you know, like or anything in between. But I think what's interesting is it's not just about the kids.

 

When you're talking about raising kids, it's about the parents too. You know? So you can sit around and ask for advice in some cases or have no choice but to take it in others, you know.

 

Right. You just work with each other. Right? Like, for the sake of becoming better humans, adults have to help adults in the process of raising kids, which obviously help the adults become better adults as well.

 

How long have you been down there in Louisiana? I moved down here. I got here December 20 ninth, yeah, December 20 ninth, I got sent to Louisiana.

 

That's the only thing, like, what, 3 months? Oh, yeah. So you rang in the New Year there. Okay. So in the last couple months alone, what types of things have stood out to you as far as people.

 

Right? Because this is as I as I wrote down the list of all these states you just listed, I think this is the first time you've been to Louisiana.

 

Right? Yes. This is the first time in Louisiana. Well, compared to all of these other states that you've been to and all of these other places you've lived, In the last 3 months in Louisiana, what commonalities have you found?

 

With people, I mean. Well, I feel like common thing that I've noticed moving state and everywhere that you find is you're drawn I've always I am. I'm drawn to a certain type of person or or you know what I mean.

 

It's always How do I do this? It's more like a people that were on the outside of society. That's not like that, but, like, they're more to themselves but not, like, you're looking for a small group, but a close group.

 

Yeah. And I feel like you can find that in every community, you just kinda need to know where to look Yeah. It's funny you mentioned that well, I haven't lived in as many states as you said, but I've been to quite a few.

 

And then a few different countries and and some others just by the virtue of, I guess, work. But it's sort of the same circumstance.

 

Right? Like, you can identify characteristics. I I think I think what it comes back to is just as humans, you're and this is my working theory here, but as humans, you're sort of innately developing pattern recognition as you grow.

 

And so you start to find things that make you feel safe, and then you identify those characteristics wherever you are in order to feel safe or productive or fill in the blank with whatever adjective applies.

 

It almost doesn't even matter what people look like or what their jobs are or their surroundings. You just sort of gravitate to it, and then start a conversation and then realize you have things in common.

 

Right. I think that's the neat thing about being able to travel in any sense. Especially if you gotta live somewhere because you have more time to acclimate.

 

There's a few different values also that we had discussed you had mentioned empathy, honesty, and respect, sort of as your your top 3, I guess, focal values, if you wanna call them that.

 

Is that a new thing? Is that over 30 years alive? No. Is that Respect has been something that it's I mean, I was I was raised with it.

 

It's something that we were taught. We were respect each other with respect other people's opinion, the golden rule, you know, 3 others how you wanna be treated. And that's how I raised my son.

 

And it's something that I think everybody deserves his respect no matter what, you know, off the bat. It's just it's human dignity. And then With honesty, honesty is a big thing for me because it's the foundation of everything.

 

If you can't trust someone or if they can't trust you, you can't go any further. Like, I mean, that's a foundation. And then with empathy, I feel like sometimes we get too busy in our own lives and we're so self centered.

 

It's not self centered, but self focused that we forget that it's not all revolving around you just because someone canceled plans with you doesn't mean it was or false or you get something or you're off or something, you have to realize just put yourself in their shoes and they might have a lot going on in their life or they snap at you at work, and it's not because you said something or doesn't matter to you, but they're just frustrated with something else.

 

And when you understand people come from those directions, it changes your view on the world and you're a little bit more you can help more than hurt, I guess. You think you can help yourself more or help other people more?

 

Yeah. We can help other people more. And then, sir, when you help others, I feel like it helps yourself. You become a better person. And I don't know. When I do nice things, I feel I feel better as a person.

 

You know, it makes me more positive and optimistic with that life. It's nice too though when it's reciprocated. Like, it's not that people have to do things for you all the time, but it's nice when they do.

 

And I sort of encourage But I find that, like, if you if you approach someone with empathy and respect and honesty, 9 times out of 10, you're gonna get that back.

 

They're gonna mirror that back to you because they feel comfortable with it. Yeah. Mirroring is tricky though.

 

Right? At least in in my experience -- Right. -- because what says saying no good deed goes unpunished. Right? And I feel like that's more applicable when you're younger in in terms of realizing the repercussions of that.

 

I think you just get more blind to that concept as you get older. Here's what I mean. As a kid, you try to do something nice for somebody, but you don't really think about the impact or how somebody else might interpret that impact.

 

Right? Because you don't know. You're still building emotional intelligence and and empathy.

 

As you get older, I feel like you start understanding the repercussions more like I shouldn't do this because it might make somebody feel a certain way, good bad or indifferent.

 

And so you start to understand the repercussions of your decisions, but then I think what stops happening is the initiative in spite of that judgment.

 

Right? So then doing nice things for people without the expectation of anything in return sort of dissipates as you get older.

 

Why do you think that is? Why do you think it might be? Well, I think it also comes down to the understanding, like, I've heard this thing so many times worrying that if you scratch my back scratch your back.

 

Like, it's give and take and I mean, it is every relationship no matter what kind of relationship is.

 

It's a give and take relationship. But I think we get so focused on that even, like, it has to be an even compromise. Like, I gave you this much you have to give me this much back and that's our mindset that's where our society went.

 

You know? 5 dollars for this, 10 dollars for this. It's always gonna be that way. And so sometimes you have take that step back and acknowledge that that that's what you're doing.

 

Like, I catch myself sometimes. Well, I did the dishes, and I did the laundry, and I did this. And so why can't you just do this? You know what I mean? Back and be like, you know, he didn't ask me to do those things.

 

So I can just I did them because I wanted to, and I shouldn't be expecting him to do anything that I want him to do. You know what I mean? Yeah. That was just the point behind me doing those.

 

Yeah. Or at least maybe it shouldn't be if it was. Right. Yeah. Right. Because then it also serves as a metric to show you I don't wanna say how much value that you have, but how much how appreciated maybe you actually are.

 

Right? Like if it gets neglected all the time, and you continually say, well, you didn't ask me to do this. I didn't have to do it. Okay. Well, that's true, but I thank you on occasion.

 

It's still nice, you know. Right. Yeah. So that comes back to that other person having to be. And you have to remember though, you you can't control other people's actions or thought patterns or anything.

 

You can You can leave by example and show them the right way to do it or what you believe is the right way. But my grandpa always said you can take a horse to water, but you can't force the horse to drink.

 

Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. 100 percent. You have to remember you can only control your own actions and your own reactions to things. That's an interesting point too.

 

Right? Like, you can you can control what you put out into the world. And obviously, you only have a semblance of control over how it gets interpreted, but only in the amount of time it takes to leave your mouth.

 

Right. Once it ripples out there, it that's it. Right? Now I think there's 2 important lessons in that, at least as has been my experience, and I'm curious to hear yours as well. But as these let's just say it's something you said.

 

And so as these words get out into the universe and the cosmos take over, you can try to phrase things a certain way so that people understand them in a way that you intend for them to understand it.

 

But it doesn't always work out that way, and sometimes people still get offended no matter how hard you try to be nice.

 

Right? It just gets misinterpreted sometimes. But I think the other impact, maybe sometimes potential impact, is you don't intend to be nice at all.

 

You're just trying to be honest and people think you're mean or people think you're nice or why do you have RBF? And you're like, it's my face, man. I don't know. But in traveling basically all over most of the US, I guess.

 

And then throughout your life, what's your thoughts on any of this balance between SAYing what you say and what you mean to say, but then empathizing with the way somebody else might interpret it.

 

I mean, it is just a hard line, even if your intentions are bad and hear people feeling. So I mean, I've done it. I've done it more than once.

 

Worting, the words you use in the tone that you use, but you have to always be honest with yourself and when you go to that that situation and they're hard situations when you come head to head with them, but you have to have that thought.

 

Like, you know, that wasn't my intention, that wasn't my thought process behind that.

 

It really comes down to, again, your reaction. If they get mad at you and they get angry, you can't get mad and angry back because you know you didn't intended that word late.

 

They don't know that. You know what I mean? That's where the empathy comes in. They don't understand that. So put yourself in their shoes and try to think about how you would feel someone had said that to you.

 

You know what I mean? And just try to say your reaction to the if you stay calm with your reactions, it changes how your conversation will go with them.

 

And you can always repair it. I mean, People have conflicts every day, and you can always come back to it, and you can work it out mostly. I'll say most of the time all the time.

 

Yeah. It's a fact. Yeah. Okay. So in putting yourself in someone else's shoes, the majority and this is not in my experience This is my assessment, but the majority of elementary schools around the United States reach this golden rule.

 

Right? Which isn't necessarily walking a mile, but it's still treating others how you think or how you feel you should be treated.

 

So if that's how we're qualifying empathy for the sake of this conversation then, do you feel like that introduces some unfair bias because you only have your experiences to base that assessment off of.

 

How do you learn to gauge other people's emotions? How do you learn to gauge other people's perspectives?

 

Is it just based on time? Is it based on conversation? What's your opinion? Also, like, my my son's in my son's in kindergarten right now, and he's an only child. So the first 5 and a half, 6 years of his life.

 

Like, he went to daycare a couple years in there, but most of the time he's been home with me here for a while, my parents, when I was working in Ohio. He has no social skills. There are no social skills.

 

Okay? Okay. And so kindergarten starts, and he did have that problem. You know what I mean? Because He sees his way. It's always his way. He does not have to compromise with another kid. That's his voice. He's gonna play with it.

 

He wants that now. It is. Sure. And so I feel like it's a learning curve and it's it's hard life. You're not fully gonna understand what someone else is, and you're always not gonna be at the same page as someone else.

 

But you have you gotta go with it sometimes. You know? It's just gotta stay true to who you are and what you believe is correct. I'll what if what it comes down to. Alright. Well, you know what? Let's take a break for a second.

 

Being true to yourself and balancing that with empathy and and sort of aligning with other people that may not feel the same way you do. ASHLEY SIT TIGHT FOR MINUTE WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK ON S DYT THE POCCast.

 

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Again, I'm Porter. I'm your host. And here on this episode, talking with the lovely Ashley Pennington about all things, empathy, respect honesty, and obviously, in the month of April, humor, creativity, and community.

 

Where we left off, we're talking about how do you balance being true to yourself and also trying to manage expectations of other people.

 

Right? Through empathy. And being respectful and being courteous within any particular community that you build for yourself. And now, Ashley, I got a question for you. Alright?

 

We were talking about, Emmett, your son, and now he's an only child. So learning to socialize is sort of an uphill climb for him because he hasn't needed to. He's an only child. Right? However, you don't have that excuse anymore.

 

You're an adult now, so you have to focus on working with other people. Right? When you feel like your expectations or your thought process or your output in whatever capacity are supposed to go a certain way.

 

If you get anxious when they don't, maybe you get frustrated when they don't. But how do you manage your own expectations? What works for you? I've been working on this.

 

This is a work in progress to me, but with my anxiety and stuff, I was after talking to people, I realized that I had so many expectations going into something for you and started, you know, and I expected it to go this way.

 

It needed to go this way. And as a kid, it usually did. Like, somehow, I divorced everything to go my way as you become a doll. Obviously, that's that doesn't always happen.

 

And I realized going into it is not to have expectations. Like, just saying it is what it is, go with slow, like, obviously, I still have standards and I still have goals that I wanna reach and I'm still striving for those.

 

But as it comes to expectations, you just go in and let it go and see what happens and I realized when I do that, my anxiety comes down, my frustration level comes down, and I enjoy life better because I'm not as disappointed when my expectations aren't met.

 

I can still enjoy the moment and what's happening. Have you found focusing on whatever that moment is to help?

 

Like being present in the moment? Yeah. You need to be present. And I I realized I did this a lot growing up. I was never present. I was always looking 3 steps ahead. You're like, oh, well, I got the sense for what it you know?

 

And they never took that moment to relaxed and be like, you know, look what I did to accomplish or, you know, just enjoy it while I'm there. That's at the park. Let's smell some flowers.

 

Let's go for a swim. It's always what's next? What's next. When you get to that point, when you learn to be present in what you're doing now, it's just feeling my anxiety goes away, I had more calm, and I enjoy life a lot better.

 

It's more about positive outlook. I I definitely get that. There was I can't remember who said it now, which I guess a little ironic, but whatever there's a memorable saying I remember hearing at 1 point by somebody.

 

I can't remember It went something to the effect of as long as you can plan 3 steps in advance, act 1 step at a time.

 

And and And I I think that sort of encapsulates what you're saying here. Right? Like, your plan may always change, but if at least you built in some leeway over those 3 steps should be alright.

 

But I think for me, that's what I found to be more effective in managing whatever however anxious I get. Right? There was a maybe it was the art of war Maybe I'm not that philosophical and it was like a Disney book or something.

 

I don't remember. But it said that anxiety or being anxious or any form of that emotion only applies to things in the future. You don't get anxious about things that have already happened because you know how that panned out.

 

You don't get anxious about things you're doing in the moment because you've already started You might be frustrated or nervous or another emotion, but you're not gonna be anxious anymore.

 

And so if the only things that you get anxious about happen in the future, you have total control over what you put into those future moments.

 

Maybe not what happens circulating around that, but what you put into what you do, what you bring to the table you do.

 

And so then if you have control over it, what are you worried about? Because then at that point, it's confidence not anxiety.

 

Have you found that to be applicable? I still get anxiety about things that happened in the past, but that's part of having anxiety when you have a social you always replay what happened and replay what happened and replay what happen.

 

But that goes back to you having to let it go and living in the present and confidence and anxiety usually when you have anxiety, your confidence level is rollers.

 

If you're more critical to yourself than you are to anybody else, you should set your spell harder when you're anxious? Because you feel like that's how other people are judging you anyways.

 

Sure. As you learn to be more confident in who you are and believe in who you are, your anxiety level will start come down because your self confidence starts to grow.

 

Okay. So sort of the, what is that, inverse proportion. You know, you said something though, just now how you judge yourself, you're you're harshest critic because you might feel like that's how others judge you.

 

Right. So this is the dark side of walking in other people's shoes. Right. Right. Is there a sort of balance between the 2 where I'm thinking too much like somebody else or not?

 

Well, I think it comes down to you don't know what they're thinking. You have to remind yourself that. Like, you might feel like you do, but you really don't know what they're thinking.

 

I was watching a video on YouTube the other day, 1 of those you know, doctor once and whatever. And they had a psychologist on there, and she made a point to say, you have to take in situations as an external thing.

 

It's not who you are. It's not you, but it's something that's happening to you. And when you look at it that way, you have a confrontation with someone or if someone looks at you.

 

And in your head, you're thinking, oh, they said that because this this and this and they feel this this way about me, but that's not the case. Because that's how you feel that you would feel, but that's not how they feel.

 

You can't put your thoughts to someone else's head and direct them back at you. But isn't that how we define empathy earlier? Like, you've gotta try to forecast what other people are thinking?

 

Yeah. But at the same time, you can't you can't judge yourself because that's what you think they're thinking. Like, you can't put judgment back on yourself because they didn't say that.

 

You get what I'm saying? I see. Yeah. I you can use it when the way you talk to someone or do so you can't judge yourself using your thoughts in their head on the way you see things. Yep. Yep. I got you. Okay. So here's an example.

 

So I I work with active duty marines and active duty sailors and we talk about a lot of psychological considerations and constructs and how to work with people because I I don't know if it's a shock to a lot of people, but There's a lot of military service members in in every branch who have trouble communicating.

 

Right? Their feelings, their emotions, or with people.

 

It just is what it is. But your bread when you come into the military to be a service member. So you almost have to unlearn that relearn how to be a human to be able to socialize, empathize whatever other eyes apply here.

 

So in in trying to think about planning 3 steps ahead for how to accomplish an activity or how to accomplish a a thought, really.

 

You have to account for the fact that there's a hypothetical level, right, like the variables that you just don't know yet.

 

And then -- Right. -- the considerations that you have, the constants that you can put into that conceptual equation. Right? Like, this is what I have control over in the moment in the situation.

 

This is what I don't. But just go 1 layer deep. Right? So if it doesn't go the way I want or the way I think it should, then I'm gonna do this. Because once you take 2 steps past that, you have no longer a solid foundation to plan from.

 

It's it's a hypothetical based on a hypothetical. Right? And then you what if the rest of your years? Cloud if you never know what your next step is. Yeah. Exactly. Right?

 

So it's funny you're bringing up some of these points because a lot of what you're saying parallel's at least, a lot of what we discuss at work too where, well, similar to your point, you can't base how you feel off of how you think other people want you to feel.

 

Or say or do or whatever verb. Right? You can say, well, I think they're going to feel this way.

 

And if they do, I'll handle it this way. But beyond that, out of my control. The ripples are in the cosmos, you know. Yeah. It's like you you can only take control of your action and your reaction. So it's I mean, that's that's it.

 

Yeah. Yeah. I imagine, though, with this level of insight and and all the drama that you experience, majoring in psychology, so to speak, and through life that you've been able to find all sorts of different outlets for yourself.

 

Right? That's gotta contribute to a fair amount of creativity.

 

Like, you you can't honestly sit there and say that everything you've experienced is an objective black and white. When you're able to read into people or try to at least at the level you're describing.

 

Right? So, like, what works for you? What are some outlets? Have ADHD. So I have a hard time speaking with 1 subject or 1 1 thing at 1 time, but I've always needed a creative outlet or outlet and some sense I've done everything.

 

I've done choir. I've done theater. I did photography in college. I actually paid for some of my college by selling some of my pictures.

 

Mhmm. I've tried epoxy, I've always wanted to sing. I'm no good at it, but I still try to just sing. And then painting, I tried sketching and drawing, and I felt I was I couldn't I just couldn't get the hang.

 

I had never turned out the way I wanted it to spray painting is something that I have wanted to try for probably about 12 to 15 years now somewhere in that time frame, and I was just never brave enough to take it out.

 

I finally did, and I was actually the only 1 that stuck for me, and it helped me release everything.

 

Like, some of my paintings don't get released to the public because they're just kind of an emotional bent in paper and color. Yeah. I I get that, and it's important to have outlets like that. But then how do you decide?

 

Let's talk spray painting exclusively for a second. How do you decide what it's gonna become? So a lot of the times when I go down when I because I only take that night after I get my son down for bed, because he wants to paint.

 

It causes issues. So when I come out in the garage plane at night, I usually have an idea Sometimes I I sketch it out, you know, I've been working on it throughout the day with sketches and stuff.

 

And I have an idea of where I wanted to go, and I just start. And usually, I'd say about 65 percent of the time, it ends up how I wanted it. Other times, it doesn't. But it usually all turns out that it's the same general concept.

 

And I'm I'm learning as I go, it's easier instead of having a picture in my head of what I wanted to look like if I have a concept. Instead. So it's, like, taking my expectations and bringing them back a layer.

 

Like, instead of saying, oh, it's gonna be like a yellow dragon with red eyes and dark green scales. It's, like, I think I wanna drag and maybe flying in the sky or something like that. Sure. I like that.

 

We've got a a similar saying, I guess, in in application. Where you've got to account for your own ignorance. Right? But basically, how it translates is you've just gotta give yourself some leeway to account for just variation.

 

Right? Maybe you change your mind halfway through and you're like, well, that dragon's a palm tree. That's fantastic. I did that 1 time, actually.

 

1 of the paintings on Etsy right now, it's It was supposed to be an eyeball with a waterfall in it, with some trees, and it turned out to be a work of expression art, I guess, to do the, like, abstract maybe abstract art.

 

You can still see the I in it though, but definitely more of an abstract piece of anything.

 

I imagine that happens quite a bit when it comes to artwork in general. Right? Draw sketching, painting, but in just self expression as a whole. Like, for example, I don't sing. Okay?

 

Even in the shower, red lights, it doesn't matter. It's it's never how I hear it, like, in my soul is never what anybody hears. And so I don't know if you remember when we did I think it was guys and dolls. Oh, yeah. I remember. Yeah.

 

And so that was that was the first time I ever thought, no, I'll sing in front of people. And I'll tell you though, it was the last as well. So it's a defining moment. But anyway, I got up there, and the song was luck with your lady.

 

And I figured not too bad because I can talk my way through Sunak. Like, he's he's a crooner. Right? But, like, I don't need to work any sort of acrobatics or variation or whatever.

 

I can just sorta HEB IT. So, here's the thing, if you're unfamiliar with that song, if you're unfamiliar with Sonatra, if you're unfamiliar with GISE and DOLLS, you can't do that.

 

That's not true, actually. You can't talk your way through that. Yeah. But that's how it sounded. You just stayed that way. I'll put that out there. You did see great, dear, man, when I do remember that 1.

 

Yeah. Well, it it was a learning experience for a lot of people. Right? For me, it was I'm probably not gonna pursue that for a career choice and other people, they upgraded their headphone choice.

 

So really, all things considered it it benefited a lot of people, but concerning self expression, I think creativity only goes so far if you can't balance it with humor because you're gonna mess up, you know.

 

So with as many things as you've tried, how have you learned to handle criticism? Whether it's yours, to yourself, or other people's to you, What are tips and tricks?

 

Chris isn't always hard, I think. I never was good at taking criticism whether it be constructive or not. I'm getting better at it. I don't get hurt. I don't take it as personal, I guess I could say.

 

Because it's not meant to be hurtful. It's meant to be helpful. With criticism, though, like, I think you also have to have the ideas Like, you have to be her courageous, I would say, with the criticism.

 

Because you have to realize, you have to be able to stand up and say what I wanna do, like, even if you don't sound good, I wanna sing, I love to sing, and I'm gonna say, you know, or I have this idea.

 

So this is what it is. Even if it's outside the box, you never think possible.

 

And then if you have that self confidence, not to self confidence again, you know, and you can say that, you can take criticism a little easier, and you can understand with a little bit of empathy where that person's coming from with their criticism, and then you can understand yourself to see if you really need to fix that or if they just you have criticism that's good and racism that's bad and you have to be able to distinguish with you and then be able to recheck them yourself and see do I really need to change that?

 

Or am I okay with who I am? Well, yeah. I mean, that's important to learn as you grow. Right? I don't know if it's sooner, the better consideration, but it's definitely important to learn.

 

And also that ties back into honesty because it's not at at least in my interpretation, just honesty as people being truthful with you or the the sort of veracity of their information that you're hearing, but you with yourself and then being willing to accept that.

 

Right? Like, I love your spirit and sort of the the the person that you're growing into, I don't know how else to word that, but, like, you now, over the last I don't even know what it's been, 12:13, some odd years.

 

Compared to that you? Yeah, Eric. You're you're totally different. Like, you're the same in the face, but that's it.

 

Like, everything else you're a totally more mature you. So keep keep doing what you're doing. Right? Like whatever it is it's working. So so good on you for that. But you mentioned something.

 

I've never actually thought of before, and and so I wanna hear your take on it. When we're talking about humor, you said that It's 1 of the most powerful connections between people because it disarms the intellectual shield.

 

What does that mean? Like, when I don't I or at least me personally, like, when I go out into public or I'm going out into, like, business field, you know.

 

You can put a mask on. You put a shield on. You put something else to know. You have I know people thought, like, I have my customer service voice or I have my work space.

 

You know, you have that that persona that you put over yourself. That you present to the public of who you are and who who you want them to see.

 

And you're all geared for that. And when someone hits you with a joke or, you know, somebody you share a laugh with someone or a smile, the brain just stops for a minute because you've made a connection and that shield comes down.

 

And you're able that person is able to see and speak to you on a different level.

 

You don't even have to really necessarily know them. It could be a stranger in the line. Like, you know, us moms do it all the time when we have those toddlers that are hanging off of us and screaming down there.

 

The aisles and, you know, 1 mom looks at the other mom and you just connect with that smile because, you know, you've been there and you understand.

 

And -- Yeah. -- you know, it it's a connection that the brain can relax under because the brain doesn't feel like it's in trauma.

 

It doesn't feel like it's living up to where it needs it needs that expectation of not on the bus or on this or on that. It's just it's just a basic level of of human personality, I think, because everyone's born with it.

 

Everyone has humor. Whether you keep it like creativity, we're all born with those traits, whether you cultivate it or you don't. But it's always gonna be there.

 

Well, I don't know that it necessarily always takes an active effort in in cultivation, but whether you want it to or not, at least it's been my experience that humor helps like you said, to sort of derail societal pretenses?

 

Maybe not at first. Maybe everybody thinks you're an idiot for trying to be funny. As long as you're not trying too hard.

 

Right? But maybe people just think you're you're just reaching. I'm like, this is not the place to be making jokes like that. But maybe it becomes the place where you can make jokes like that and everybody else gets on board, you know.

 

And, well, for example, there's a lot of really long arduous days, and this goes for anybody, but I'm just using the militaries in comparison because that's all I have experience in.

 

But most of the cold wet early mornings where you know you're not gonna eat for a while, and you've got a pretty far distance to go.

 

Like, I don't wanna do this anymore. Like, I nope. Nope. After we're done with this, whatever it is you're doing, you're like, I'm gonna get out. That's it. Guaranteed done when this contract's up, I'm getting out.

 

You know? And it's the most miserable morning. You sleep on the ground, for well, let's say you lay on the ground for 6, 7 hours if you're lucky, maybe you sleep for 30 minutes of that.

 

And then you get up and it's 30 degrees, and the only thing warm you had was in the sleeping bag, which now all the warmth is gone because you're out of it.

 

Right? But it's not until somebody makes a joke or somebody add some levity to the situation.

 

It brings people back. Right? Like, it gets you out of dark places. And then once you have commonality, even in misery, you start developing camaraderie, and I think a lot of that stems from humor as a trait or as a skill set.

 

Get where you're coming from. Obviously, I wasn't in the military, but through Halloween, I have been with them on and off for 2 years now.

 

I've worked my way up to a district sales manager anyone who doesn't know their acute Halloween story that comes around, you know, once a year.

 

So what we have to do during that is because we're only seasonal, we have to unpack all of our pictures, we have build a store, we have some merchandise store, and we have 10 days to do this.

 

Okay? 10 days. Jeez. The whole brand new staff.

 

Yeah. And so And and it's it's the same every year, and I don't we and we always come back. Don't ask me why we always come back, but we always come back to do this. And it's miserable. At first 10 days, you take dirt, your arms hurt.

 

They got through the first day because you just unloaded all the walls and the shelves, like, your feet, and you still have to go back. 9 more days till the store opens. So the store opens.

 

And I've noticed it, you know, like, we're all like, oh, I hate this job. I'm never coming back. This is so pieces blah blah blah, you know, and -- Yeah. -- complaining and then the jokes are, and everyone picks it back up, you know.

 

And I think humor brings out the positive side of people it's relatable, it's funny, it makes you laugh. And once you start laughing, you're releasing endorphins, and makes you happier, and then the whole atmosphere changes.

 

Is that 1 of those things that you found you you tend to gravitate towards before you even meet somebody and and make a relationship like you identify a senses of humor first?

 

Oh, yeah. Like, I've noticed that, especially looking back. Like, when you brought up these topics, my you know, I was trying to make my ideas on a month.

 

You know, we have community and humor together. That is 1 thing that I found that all of my close friends are anyone that's really involved in my circle.

 

They all have teamwork. We're all able to sit down and laugh with each other or laugh at each other for that purpose and not get offended by here.

 

So, I mean, humor is something that's very important to me and because I've had it my whole life. My mom used the humor.

 

I used the humor to help with situations when you get you know, when you walk into an argument or to defuse an argument even. You you have to be careful with that 1 though because sometimes the jokes aren't appreciated.

 

But you say it in the right way. Yeah. You work on some it helps with a lot of things. Yeah. That's that's true. You there is a time and a place. Right? But what about as a parent?

 

Do you find that humor is an effective way to curtail or emphasize or address disciplinary situations or no? It depends on the situation. I love my son, but he is definitely my son, and he will push that line.

 

And so if you look as I give him an inch, he's gonna take a mile and I get it. So sometimes I do have to be the stern mom, but a lot of the times the team will work.

 

With him, though, I find he has anxiety like I do, and he probably gives it because use that I have it when I go out and it can be a learned behavior.

 

Sure. That's what you'd need to see. Like, the first day of school or, like, orientation over there somewhere with a lot of strangers.

 

I start, you know, with the jokes with each other and I get him laughing, that anxiety level comes down in him, and he's been more relaxed and he can socialize with other people better. Would you consider that then as empathy also?

 

Because you understand where he might be coming from? I guess I again, I never really looked at it that way, but I guess it could be And that's obviously only based on your experiences or your perceptions of his experiences.

 

Right? Right. So has it ever backfired, humor? I can't say it has. Why? Congratulations.

 

And that 1 instance that has not backfired. That's can't say that about many things, but Yeah. Well, I mean, that's a huge success in its own right then. Like 1 thing that's guaranteed to have worked for 72 months consistently.

 

Like, that deserves a vacation on a wall somewhere, you know. But No. I'm I'm I'm glad it's working well, and I I really appreciate you sharing some of these ideas.

 

I've got a long distance relationship with my son, so I don't really see him that often. And when I do, I think I know what I'm doing. And before I do see him, I think I know what I will be doing.

 

And after I see him, I realized I had no idea what I was doing. Not for the sake of second guessing, I suppose, but it's always nice to hear other ways of addressing and doing things.

 

Right? As a parent, but really just as a person. Well, even as a parent, though, I think creativity is a big 1 too per parent. Because you have to get creative nowadays to relate with your kids.

 

I know my son loves YouTube and piggy and all these other things that have no idea about, you have to stay creative beyond their level because their creativity is so much stronger than ours.

 

You know? They their connections are so much stronger with their imaginations and the way that they do life.

 

You want them to be able to experience different things. As a parent, you becomes creative on how to do that, and each child learns differently. Obviously, we've learned that throughout the year. Not every child learns the same way.

 

Sure. So the more creative you are with things I think it gives them a more rounded idea of what of who they can be and who they wanna be. And like I know, for me, I'm a single mom of a boy with no I I wasn't raised a boy.

 

I raised well girl. So trying to keep Emmett waiting. I definitely had to get creative on, like, potty training was a hard 1 for us because, you know, I don't stand.

 

Bobby. Sure. And so how do you explain that? It looks like you know, it was very creative recession and activities to get him to learn to stand and go to the bathroom instead of fit.

 

You know, I never thought about that at all. That's a solid point. I guess it's easy for me standing to say, here's why you could sit. Right? But you can't go backwards.

 

Yeah. Yeah. That's that's a 1 way example. I guess I never thought about that. Let's know what? Let's let's take a break on that note real quick. We're we're talking about humor and potty training and standing versus nomkating.

 

We're talking about these values, though. We'll be back in just a second here on SDYT the podcast. Hey, everyone. And Stack's here. I just wanted to take a moment and give a shout my wife, Julie.

 

She is a artist of sorts, but she has a Facebook page called the b and the bear creations and what that page is for is basically if you wanted to do a specialized item like a tumbler or a hat or a vinyl or a decal or shirt.

 

You can go there. You can ask some questions, look through the wares, but then give a DM and try to sort it out.

 

Then work it adjust pricing. But if you're interested something like that, go ahead, like her page. It's the b and the bear creations on Facebook.

 

So Go enjoy. Alrighty, folks. This is Porter with SDYT the podcast. If you're enjoying this interview, and you've listened to some of our others, then you already know we're playing on Spotify.

 

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However, For the time being, for different perspectives with shared values. Guys, I'm Porter. I'm your host, and this is SD YT the podcast where values still hold value.

 

Alrighty, folks. Welcome back to SD YT the podcast again. I'm Porter. I'm your host. We're hanging out with Ashley, and we're talking about empathy, and honesty, and respect, and creativity, and and on our April core values as a whole.

 

But as it applies, obviously, to her perspective, right, as a single mom as just sort of a a creative soul.

 

Right? Like, Ashley, you are like I said earlier, you are nowhere near in my opinion. The person you were when I first met you now. Like, you are super saying level 2 at this point.

 

Right? Like, total total game changer. I'm I'm I'm proud of the progress you're making, and I genuinely mean that. So take it for what it's worth, please. But we were talking about creativity.

 

We've been applying it to mostly art, right, and self expression, but because as you grow to whatever age, whatever stage in your life or maturity applies here, you start to more self assess your boundaries, whether it's at work, as hobbies, as a person, different settings, whatever, it's not all what you're taught to do, you make more your own decisions.

 

Right? So there's gotta be some leeway here in in creativity. So let's just try to more clearly define this. How do you define creativity? And then based on that, do you view it as only applicable to art?

 

Creativity to me is being able to look past society's norms or look past what you know, think outside box maybe or seeing things from multiple perspectives instead of 1. Basically, everyone's creative everyone can be creative.

 

It's finding a solution to a problem that maybe you would never thought of before because it's it that goes against what we've known or things like that. Like, I would say scientists are creative.

 

I mean, how did they learn about gravity or how did they make, like, electricity, or how do we have a radio? Because someone had a creative enough mind to think outside of the box, okay, well, we could actually do this.

 

You know, I think it was a radio wave started with water. He's recovering water and saw how the ripple effects went through the water and And he decided, well, what why can't we do that with sound if you can do it in the water?

 

And so that's where that came from. And that mindset of seeking past what we know and thinking of possibilities of what could be, I think that's where the creativity comes in.

 

And I think when you tap into that that creativity no matter what your job is, you enhance your idea, your perspective of life, you become more To me, it's saying you become more solution based than problem based.

 

And a problem is not a problem anymore.

 

It's just another opportunity to come up with something new. It's the innovative or anything. And that's what creativity is. It's letting it's seeing outside the box and coming up with things that are not necessarily society's norm.

 

Okay. Well, if you do it to the extent that these problems, then or perceived problems become opportunities, finding solutions to problems, essentially.

 

Let me ask you this, are you saying then that hard sciences are also art forms? Yeah. That's exactly what I'm saying.

 

Because unless I'm totally misinterpreting 12 plus years of schooling, If you're learning facts and you're learning science and you're learning the exact this is this, this is this, this is this, it's not up for interpretation.

 

You know, this is the process of how things work. And you're like, well, then that must be how they work.

 

Right? You're forced into that. They get the right conclusion. It's not it's not the conclusion. It's how did they get to that conclusion. Someone had to have that mind step outside and say, you know, they say, this equals this.

 

So what about if we throw this factor in here? What about if this happens? You know, it's just creativity, think about, and when he thinks about kids, if they make up these stories.

 

So this happened, and then the dragon came in and then did so when you when you when you find that to everyday life as an adult, you can say, yeah. So when the rain cloud come, it it's gonna rain because they have water in them.

 

And so what happens if the wind starts blowing? This factor comes into it. And it's it's always thinking about it's, I guess, it's more of the what if. That's what the stated side brings in. It's not black and white anymore.

 

You have the variables that are coming in and you're able to work around those variables, the few steps, like instead of a covered wagon, let's let's have an airplane. How does someone think of an airplane? Oh, yeah. That's a jump.

 

Okay. Sure. Yeah. So what I mean? Yeah. And that's where we went from. Yeah. Okay. It's too hard to think about to think about creating a motor, that rents a vehicle on wheels when they were still using horses. That was a creative idea.

 

That was an innovative idea. It was outside the box. It was something, you know, that If that person went inside beta, we wouldn't have cars today. We'd still be riding horses. You know, there's there's a book called Rich Dad Poor Dad.

 

A buddy of mine, he's been telling me about this. Actually, we have him on our video series sometimes as well and survival with that y t. But anyways, he's he's been talking about Rich Dad poor dad.

 

And 1 of the things that he brought up is that a lot of financial decisions based on what the book says tied to the middle class or lower income is because money and money management decisions are rooted in either fear or ignorance or a combination of the 2.

 

And so you start making money decisions based on emotion. Right? So that's sort of the the premise of the first portion of the book.

 

From what my buddy will says, but the difference I think in the application here is if you're learning what you need to in school to graduate and do well and get good grades, I think that's only half the equation.

 

Right? Because you're learning what is not necessarily learning how to interpret what can be depending on the curriculum, obviously. But how much more have you learned since that ended? Oh, so much.

 

Yeah. Right. But I think I learned more in the past 10 years than I did the first 08:15 years almost. Crazy. Crazy. Right? But then so imagine if we could swap that or maybe not swap it, but make the first 18 more effective.

 

We kinda need that first 18 years so of the basics. Like, when you go into NA course, you have your 01:01, you know, your intro. You have to have that basic, that foundation to start with.

 

Because it's like if you don't know who you're out, who you are yourself, how can you create anything? Like, you have to be you have to have a foundation to go off on to your creativity to come out for You know what I mean?

 

Well, yes. To be who you are. You also have, like, your core values are your foundation. And I think in those first 18 years, we learned different ways to look at our core values.

 

You know, we learn our basic math words to take all that too. And then once you get that foundation solid, then you can expand. You need to have a solid foundation before you can build off of anything.

 

Right? So if we're talking about creativity is the sky's the limit type expression and metaphor. Right? And then the foundation being your feet firmly rooted, so to speak, in terms of expressions here.

 

I've had personal training clients who are now either working towards power lifting or just strength training or overall functional fitness.

 

And I think the same parallel here applies, but with a barbell. Right? Like, if you want to or a sled even if you wanna push off of something to generate more power, you have to have a stable base Right?

 

You're never gonna be able to squat a lot if your lower body is unstable, or if your core is not braced.

 

And so if you wanna be able to get and increase load, a higher PR on your squat, for example, you have to focus on the foundation first, period.

 

It doesn't matter how much you want it, It doesn't matter how many different pieces of equipment you try to contrive and manufacture to make you lift more or supplement usage or whatever. You still have to have a solid foundation.

 

And I think the parallels here too, in your first 18 years, all of that beginning stuff is area to know where the lines are, where the boundaries are, and what to do about it, and then help you identify what values are important to you and then why.

 

And the impacts of those things to build that well, to build the value of those values. You brought up a point earlier that creativity takes courage because you've got to express yourself and be willing to be vulnerable.

 

But as we were talking off the air, you mentioned that it not only takes courage, but also curiosity and passion and dedication. And so what's your opinion on and knowledge.

 

Sure. And so what's your opinion on well, I've expressed myself this way, and I'm content with that. So I'm done. Right? Instead of pushing through and trying something new and continuing to grow, like, where's the limit or is there 1?

 

I don't think there is a limit. I think And this is just paper phone. This is how I live my life. I'm not saying this towards anyone else, but they're never done.

 

I'm never done. I'm never done learning. I'm never done expanding. I'm never done. I think when I you know, I've I've come in contact with people who you know, this is me taking her leave it.

 

I'm not gonna change or something I need to change about my life. And, you know, if they're happy with that, that's their life, and that's great.

 

But, see, personally, I feel like, no one's perfect. No one's ever going to be perfect. We're not made to be perfect, but that always gives us room to grow and room to expand and remove and room to just become something else.

 

Like, We live in a world nowadays where you can be anything you wanted to be if you put your mind to it. Like, why not take advantage of that? You don't have to have the same professions for 50 years.

 

You can go from 1 to the next to the other. And, I mean, you only have so many years to live. Why not take all of it in as you can? Why does it only have to be 1 1 aspect of it or 1 part?

 

Why do I have to be an accountant for 60 years when retired and do nothing? Have you ever met someone though who Like, their bucket list is only 1 thing, or they only wanted they were only excited about 1 thing. No. I guess I haven't.

 

No. Because it's just not how we work. But so in order to take that life and enjoy it, you can you have the opportunity to learn, you know. Dedicate yourself, take that curiosity that you have, like, I did backpacking for 2 years.

 

I I packed the backpack and every weekend, every other weekend, I sat with my mom. Last new year, she spent on top McAfee Nob in Virginia and the ice in the rain.

 

Yeah. Right? But it was a blast. It's just every couple weekends you would go out? Yeah. So my mom actually just completed the appalachian trail. So that's always from Georgia to Macy Heights.

 

Which is pretty awesome. And I did her training with her. I was also helped her with her YouTube channel. So, basically, for her the year before she left, I had just moved to Ohio with her anyways.

 

We would go and I believe Emmett with my dad, and we'd go hide for 2 or 3 days at a time, you know, pack her backpack with her hammocks or just go out there and hike as far as we did, and most of the time it was a loop, so that was 9 some.

 

As you experienced, but I loved it and I enjoyed it. I'm sure that teaches you a lot about you also.

 

Oh, yeah. It definitely taught me a lot of what I can handle, what I can't handle, and what I know where my what my limit is now. Like, I know when my frustration is done and I just need it back.

 

Well, that's just as important too. Right? Like, there's a lot you can learn about being around people to figure out a bunch about people. Right? But I think there's a lot you can learn about being by yourself.

 

That you can attribute to being around people. Right? Like, how you respond to certain triggers, how you deal with certain issues, or people or personalities, or whatever, I think all of it's equally as therapeutic.

 

Right? Like if you just spend time by yourself, I think at that point, you're planning hypotheticals off of hypotheticals in terms of applying that social circles because you can't.

 

But if you never spend time by yourself, I don't think you ever really start to understand you as a person.

 

Like, you have to have that it's just a it's a hard balance. But for me, like, I know the way that I work, I need to have personal time, like, me time.

 

At least an hour every day. I need to sit down. I need to rest reflect on what I did say, how I reacted to things, how I took things in. And I do that while I'm painting. That's a lot where my painting comes in for me.

 

And because I don't have to focus so much on what I'm doing where my brain can just start to wonder, you know, and just review the day, but you have to have that because you can't grow without knowing who you are.

 

You have to understand who you are. But you also need the community, like, work. As people were social creatures, like, we crave that. You have they've done experiments on it where they've taken it was in monkeys.

 

Not not humans. Let me put that out here first. They get our monkeys, and they can't do it anymore because it's immoral. But they did they took baby monkeys away from their mothers right after they report, and they minimize contact.

 

Like, even seating was done by a machine and everything like that -- Oh. -- on some of the monkeys and then on the other dated monkeys, you know, they got to hug the mom and see, you know, with the community and everything.

 

And most of the monkeys that were taken away from society died before they were free. To as the creatures that we are, we we need to have that contact, and we need to have that community around them.

 

But you also need to take that time to ground yourself on back on who you are and what you believe in and your core value. Based on that example, it sounds kind of like that's just self respect.

 

Right? It's not always a matter of how you want other people to treat you. You know, I deserve respect. Because if you deserved it that you'd go take care of yourself more.

 

Right. And that's that's what a lot of people, like so they forget about the self care aspect of that. Treating others is how you wanna be treated. You have to treat yourself how you expect to be brief treated too.

 

Like, you can't expect people to like you or be nice to everything if you can't be nice to yourself. Like, your inner voice has a lot to say about yourself, and you have to you have to it comes back to self love.

 

You have to love yourself for free to love anyone else. Like, everyone says it, you hear it all the time, but it's the truth. Like, if you can't love and respect yourself, no 1 else is gonna love and respect you back.

 

You're not giving that out the world. You're not gonna receive it. It is sort of funny how that works, and I don't know why it is. I'm not I don't even know what that would be astrophysicist or or that's that's totally wrong.

 

Astro psychologists or something. I don't know. But it is funny how that works out. Right? Like, it's not to say necessarily that you're gonna be rude to a bunch of people, so nobody's gonna be nice to you.

 

Right? But if you don't take ownership over 1, how you want people to treat you, but 2, how you actually take care of yourself.

 

Honestly, take care of yourself. Like, mommy time, if especially as a single mom, I'm sure you don't get much. So or at least didn't over the last couple years. So how do you structure that? How do you build that into your day?

 

How do you even stay awake long enough to enjoy it? Like, what do you do? So, like, it it was definitely a struggle at first. I became a single mom when I was just free. She wasn't in school yet, you know, and I was working full time.

 

So I I mean, during the day, I used to network to at day care, and then I'd take them up, we'd come home and by the time he was bed, I was exhausted. I was so looking forward to bath time and bed time. You know, it -- Yeah.

 

-- it just takes an hour to get him to go to bed, so that was a whole extra. And, you know, sometimes I could. It'll, like, stay up. And it's a mom thing, I think. Sometimes we're exhausted, and we just wanna go to sleep.

 

But we know we have that hour to 2 hours system. Like, sometimes, I just stare at law. Like, honestly, I just stare at law just decompress the whole day out because I was a CNA at the time.

 

So, I mean, I was taking care of people at work and then a come home and I take care of people. It got to that point where I had to reach out to my community.

 

I had to reach out to my parents and be like, you know, I can't. I'm not taking care of myself anymore. I don't have time for myself. I you know what? I didn't have any friends. I didn't go anywhere. It was just work. Take care to home.

 

And so When I reached out to my community, you know, that's why you have to be so important. I was able to my parents were now there. So if I needed an hour, spoke for a walk or I needed to just take a shower by myself for fun.

 

I had that opportunity to do that. And I think you have to it is a balance, but you have to, as a person, be able to have that community around you, and you have to be able to reach out and say, hey, I need this.

 

That'S PART OF SELF Plus YOU BEING ABLE TO SAY WHAT YOU NEED AND ASK FOR IT. Reporter: Yeah, BUT YOU GOT TO BE WILLING TO ASK FOR IT. SOMETIMS YOUR PRIDMIGHT EVEN TAKE A HIT.

 

And they have mine did. I'm I didn't realize I had a price problem until then, like and I you know, because III didn't ask for help with so many like, 2 years and I was like, why am I doing this to myself?

 

Why? What's the purpose of it? What's the outcome? So I can say that I did it. We'll we'll be able. What is that achieved? You know?

 

I'm I'm drained. I don't have anything left to give. And so, you know, I never thought I had a pride problem until that point, and I realized that's the only thing that was stopping me was my ego and my pride from asking for the help.

 

Crazy. Right? Because there's a balance, I think, between having enough pride in yourself to develop confidence and then having too much to where you've gotta give up a little bit.

 

I don't know what the threshold is, and I think it's different for everybody, but it's it's interesting nonetheless that it applies to everybody.

 

It comes back in. It does. It applies to everyone in It's different for everyone like you said. It comes back to being honest with yourself, so you have to be able to look at your fault objectively and say, yeah.

 

You know? I have a problem with that, and I need to work on it. I guess then in in being honest with yourself, I assume a lot of that comes out into your artwork.

 

Like you said, not everything gets posted. I assume there's a lot of, like, realities in in what you're painting or what you're doing or how you're expressing it.

 

Like, 1 day, it might be a good day, and it's sort of brighter colors or Exactly. I used to say mine comes out more in colors than actual design because I never picked the colors until I'm painting.

 

I mean, all my colors are back in my cabinet. And I get everything set up, and then I take my colors on how I feel. So depending on my skills, just depending on what colors are coming out.

 

And then what cones, I guess, what shape? Well, that makes sense. And you know what? While we're while we're talking about Amt spray art, let's talk about Amt spray art. Let me let me just give you the floor for a couple minutes.

 

If people wanna find out more either about you and your experiences, relate, talk, share messages, whatever, about amp spray art, buy products, look at your gallery, your website, what whatever platforms you're involved with, where do they go?

 

How do they do it? What do they do? So Instagram is gonna be weird because I think I wish to go first.

 

Everything that I I paid that that goes up to the public is on Instagram. First thing, I usually post it right away. You can contact me through there, my Etsy links off Instagram. And so purchasing wise, I do use the Etsy right now.

 

With the Etsy thing, I only have because they charge you for ads to put up there and, you know, So each picture would have to be its own ad because each description's different for each picture.

 

It's not a general. Sure. Like a general 1. And so if you go to Etsy, you can always just reach out to me saying, hey, you know, I was looking for a planet or a solar system or mountains in a river or what whatever.

 

Know, we can work out what you're looking for, and I can definitely come up with some ideas and see what we can work with. But if you're just curious about what it looks like and what I have, it's definitely an Instagram is Amp's Bray.

 

Okay. So do you mean you do you take requests for paintings and designs as well? Yeah. So the way request works you can tell me what you're looking for. It's not gonna be like a portrait, obviously.

 

I don't do that for work. But I you can look at what I have, and we can discuss on what your expectations are, what you're looking for in in a in a broader perspective and, like, color wise and stuff.

 

And I can definitely work around that. But so then you mostly focus on how do you qualify on landscapes? Yeah.

 

So I I do a lot of landscaping. I like I love to do mountains. So, I mean, if anyone wants mountains and it's like, I love those different tables. I do different planets, solar some galaxies. I just sold 1 of my Lion ones that I did.

 

I made a lot -- There's always. -- that was kind of interesting to get fun. I made 3 of them actually. Yep. And then I have a couple of abstract pieces. I have some lightning. I'm still learning different techniques.

 

Like I said, it's it's never stopped. Like, it's not like, I know everything now and now I can do it. It's a work in progress. So every every week, I try to find a new technique or a new idea try and go with it.

 

Had them sunrises, sunset. Oh, I guess the journey's half the fun, though. That's sort of the point. Yeah. And I also did helm see the castle from Lord of the Ring.

 

Do you have it up on Instagram now? I don't know if I have that 1 up. I should put it up. I did that 1 for a friend, but yeah. I have that. I did do home seats. That's That was that took me 5 hours.

 

I I assume with a respirator? Yes. Yeah. So you that's the 1 reason why I'm I always wait for Mexco to bed because they don't make a respirator small enough for him. But you definitely because I do it in the garage.

 

I'm not outside in open air. I see. Oh, okay. And then you just have a fan that blows all the fumes outside, I assume? I have 3 fans. I have 1 that sits on the table that I spray on that goes towards the garage door.

 

I have another 1 that comes from behind me, but where it doesn't hit the paint. Because then the paint doesn't go where I wanted to. Sure. And I have 1 at the garage door that kind of just sucks it all out the garage door.

 

And this is a regular garage at your house. Nothing not like a fancy studio type garage setup. Yeah. It's just the vista garage. At night, I have nothing to write for my card at night, but during the day, and my card doesn't come in.

 

Obviously, I'm just thinking. Well, yeah. Sure. That's that's awesome. I I appreciate you taking some time to come in and talk for a bit.

 

I know you've got a lot of things going on, and taking care of him in in in your own life. And for all I know this conversation took up all the mommy time you're gonna get today, so I appreciate your sacrifice as well.

 

But on behalf of all of our listeners and and particularly for me, I appreciate you giving me the opportunity to sit down and talk to you.

 

So thank you very much. Thank you for having me. You've got some cool stuff, which, by the way, to all of our listeners, you can go on Facebook as well.

 

We have some ads on survival dad y t featuring some of Ashley's paintings as well with links to Instagram for amp spray art and to Etsy featured in those ads as well.

 

And also see some of our work. And her face is there, so you can see what she looks like too. And then there'll be a coupon for Etsy guys. It's SCYT 18. It will get you 5 dollars off painting if you defect coupon code. Fantastic.

 

To all of our listeners, again, SDYT18, on m spray arts page on Etsy. So, Ashley, thank you for that. I appreciate that. And I'm sure all of our listeners who were in did appreciate it as well. I'll speak for them if I can do that.

 

But otherwise, to everybody out there listening, thank you very much for stopping in. And joining us in this conversation as we talk through our April core values of humor, community, and creativity.

 

We also threw an empathy, honesty, respect, after all, the only way to sort of survive is through communication. So together, we can combine and conquer whatever the ops happens to be.

 

So, Ashley, again, thank you for joining in, and to all of our listeners, I'm Porter. I'm your host, and that was SDYT the podcast. Right. You haven't even told us the name yet.

 

What are we supposed to tell our families? Older metadata, have you considered a blockchain? And then when are we supposed to tell all our friends anyway? Already going to ensure that all of the listeners know where to find anything.

 

Harry am I supposed to tune in to a podcast that I've saved to my library? And now is a different name. How are people going to find what parody episodes changing the name to begin with.

 

What about the listeners? Well, that won't Guys, guys. I got it. Alright. It's gonna be a phased approach. We're gonna ensure between April and what's going to be our July fourth interview.

 

It musty y t the podcast to transacting value. It fits better. It fits our market in fits our niche, it fits our intentions better. It's still real people with different perspectives talking over shared values.

 

I'll take care of it, survival dad y t at g mail dot com, is still the active email address, Facebook profile, the Instagram profiles, the TikTok profiles, everywhere you've been accessing this media, stays the same.

 

I'm still your host for now. This is still SDYT the podcast.