Alrighty, folks. Welcome back to SDYT the podcast. I'm Porter. I'm your host. And here in the month of June now, we're talking about balance, learning, and loyalty. As our primary core values for the month.

 

Just remember though, it's real people with different perspectives talking over shared values. So there may be some topics that we disagree on, there may be some facts that we have differing opinions on.

 

But that's the whole point of being able to encourage a conversation and dialogue with people, maybe that you see things differently from.

 

Communication to survive is a vital skill set that requires introspection, that requires honesty with your And like you'll hear in this upcoming interview, that also requires a certain amount of authenticity in how you value and view your own self identity and what confidence you build for yourself.

 

For all of our new listeners to the podcast, first of all, welcome. And for all of our continuing listeners, welcome back.

 

Folks, I'm Porter, I'm your host and this is SD y t the podcast. Alrighty folks. Welcome back to SD y t the podcast. Again, I'm Poor I'm your host. We're covering balance, learning and loyalty here in the month of June.

 

A special guest, this particular interview High school buddy of mine actually. So we're talking now almost going on 20 years I think it's been since we've been able to touch base.

 

She's done a lot of super cool things in the field of social work as a teacher, as a guided mentor, and active listener as we're gonna come to find out.

 

But Anna Civil Road Willis, first of all, welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here with you today. Yeah.

 

You're welcome. I appreciate you being able to stop in into all of our listeners. Also, again, welcome. For all of our listeners, you're a voice in a radio, you're somebody in a headphone, you're totally distant from whoever they are.

 

But I'm willing to bet based on your experiences and your perspective, you're probably not that far off, especially from what you've experienced in working with other people as well.

 

So let's just start there before we get into any of this other stuff. Who are you?

 

What what makes you you you know, where are you from? What do you do? What's life like for Anna? Yeah. So I'm a social worker. I'm a clinical medical social worker master level. So a lot of people are not really sure what that means.

 

I currently work in the capacity for hospice care and in play therapy. And what I noticed is that people automatically assume that, oh, social worker, are you going to take me out of my house?

 

And that is always the I mean, at least 70 percent of the time that's what I get. So I always like to kind of clarify what social worker does and especially a master social worker because we get a bad name and we get a bad rap.

 

So a lot of times how that happens is people will work for DCF. And, you know, that that is what their role is when they are removing children from homes.

 

If that needs to happen like that. But my role is that I'm mental health therapy, support slash social work where that comes into play is we can only be as mentally healthy as our environment allows us to be.

 

We can sit there and focus on what we need to do, to change our mind, and that is helpful, and that is effective However, there are often things in our environment that we can change that would make us overall better people and help us along our road of life, if you will.

 

Sure. So then what is your environment? What what is your sphere of influence look like then? Because some of our listeners may be in in a similar situation.

 

Right? Like, you've got kids and you said you graduated, got your master's level certification. Yes. Yeah. So I have a master degree in social work and I also have a graduate certification in working with military families.

 

Mhmm. So and so I was excited to talk to you about that. Too because, you know, I do have a passion for military families. And as we talk about on the side of this, my husband is a firefighter paramedic.

 

So I do see aspects of our what we see, what we hear, and how that really could affect us, and make us into a place where we are trying to understand people and things. More accurately?

 

Yeah. Yeah. I assume there should be a fair amount of self discovery or or your own journey in in trying to understand the how and the why of your own life before you start trying to relate to the how and the why of other peoples.

 

Right. That's true. But what does that what does that journey look like for you? Yeah. That that is totally true. So What I would say that journey looked like for me is that my husband, you know, he went into being a firefighter.

 

And I was dealing with I guess I would say the emotions that he had for his own job and the things he saw and the lack of sleep and how people react and interact and that sort of thing.

 

And a lot of times in social work, we call that secondhand trauma. Mhmm. So I would say that he would unload sometimes certain things to me, he didn't necessarily mean to do that.

 

But I realized that it was adding stress and pressure to myself. But then I also felt like how could I just leave him alone to struggle in that as my husband?

 

So there was that facet of it, but then our son was born. You know, I was a teacher. So I thought that when he was born, it would be no big deal to be a mom because I was a teacher.

 

I knew all the things to be a mom. But then, he came along and really rocked my world. And it turns out that he has ADHD. I used to say, Oh, my gosh. You such an unsettled like he just would cry and cry and get hyper fixated and poof.

 

I got a daughter now and she just you know, she's the typical 3 year old, but she does not compare to the big wild emotions that came with ADHD, which is a very a lot of people think of a little boy with ADHD as not being able to sit still.

 

And that's not really always true, it's sometimes just you get so focused on doing something, so like almost fixated on it. They call it hyper focused.

 

That if somebody breaks it, it's just devastating for you. So I noticed that then he was adding to this. And I was getting to the point where it felt so overwhelming trying to be all these people to all these people.

 

So you know, because at the time I was teaching, so I was gay my all in teaching, giving my all to my child that ended up with ADHD, but I didn't know that at the time.

 

He just was a baby and toddler that seemed very unsettled, which I come to learn that that's very common things.

 

People with ADHD are often unsettled babies even. They just cry a lot. They just because they're they're wanna do 1 thing and you're taking them away from it.

 

Mhmm. That's what they wanna do. That, and then also my aunt, she's a military social worker, kind of drove me down to really want to be there for people and show them that you can pull on your bootstraps and help yourself.

 

There was a lot of years that I felt like, oh my gosh, how can I do this? How can I be the wife to this person? And how can I be the mother to this person?

 

But I would say that gathering a big awareness, I had to go to a therapist myself to figure out how to deal with these things. And what I realized in all of it is that I was not being authentic to myself.

 

I was trying really, really hard to solve issues for other people. And it's kinda like teaching Amanda Fish. Mhmm. Versus handy. You know? So that's kinda social work in a nutshell is that you teach people how to help themselves.

 

And I think that that's the difference between going to like a mental health counselor versus going to a social worker because it's not just about what's in your brain.

 

You're able to effectively get past things. And I've seen it a million times. You just have to reframe and rework it.

 

So would you say then that as as a social worker that it's maybe even more helping people integrate into society's definition and requirements for being social like how to socialize themselves essentially?

 

I would say so Yeah. I do agree with that, but I would also say it's a little deeper than that. It's it's really finding out what makes you tick And what are the things you like and the things that you dislike?

 

Because a lot of times when you find yourself in a place of extreme anxiety or depression, you're not not that it's all about you.

 

You know? Because then the first the the second you make it all about you, you're not gonna find wellness there either. You know?

 

But it's just having an awareness of how people are and what they do and the fact that it's like, I don't have to make that mean something about me. You know, how they act and what they do is them projecting something off of them.

 

And so allowing people to see that is really the first step in seeing them have a better life. Yeah. You feel the need to even people please or walk on egg shells around people. Which is what I felt like I needed to do. You know?

 

I have this son with ADHD. He kinda had moods. Yeah. My husband, you know, he'd have his things from work and he'd have his moods. And I felt like I needed to be like a people pleaser. And it's like there's feelings are not facts.

 

You know, they're just they're just a feeling. And so just because somebody is acting a certain way or doing a certain thing doesn't mean that you have to what that means something about you?

 

Because who are you? What is your identity? Sure. What are the things that you need out of it? And I think that before I was just so wrapped up and helping.

 

And then that was the teacher in me. You know? How can I help people? And to me being a social worker has changed that completely because it's not about me, and it's not because I just know all these great things.

 

Yeah. It's not it's not about that. It's about how can I help you see the best version of your own self, which doesn't include me putting myself on you?

 

It's just Sure. Help you be you. Yeah. And so what would be the first step in that to find out who your identity is and what makes you authentic?

 

Yeah. So I guess that level of awareness is probably the hardest well, no. I'd I'd say it's probably a difficult part. The hardest part is probably accepting that.

 

Right. Whatever it is. But but as you as you identify it right like your emotions still have validity. But they really are just responses to some sort of a catalyst that somebody else responding to their own issues.

 

Right? So -- Right. -- despite the complexity, yeah. I mean, you still have a right to feel a certain way. That's You can now don't get me wrong.

 

Like you said, you felt like at 1 point walking on egg shells was a necessity and maybe it was to pacify the moment and manage the situation until you were able address your own emotions or whatever.

 

Like, somebody has to compromise the first place position.

 

Yep. Right? But Yeah. But the ideal compromise it. And to a point you brought up about ADHD. So getting fixated on a topic and then getting your attention having your attention broken.

 

So I have ADHD, but it's I guess a bit more manageable now. But it took me 30 years. To make it more manageable. Things that worked for me, I started having I guess it still varies. Right?

 

Like, I've got days where I'm just Well like you said, I'm hyper focused on whatever the task is and it it could be the smallest thing. I'm knock on the door anything but if I get interrupted, I'm never gonna get my way back to there.

 

It's it's not gonna happen. And then I'm gonna stare at a wall for 3 or 4 hours because I'm so mentally exhausted from whatever energy I put into those couple hours or minutes or whatever a focus that now I'm good for nothing.

 

I'll stare at a wall and not realize I'm doing it for an hour -- Yep.

 

-- to sort of unwind and rebound. Those, I guess, at at risk of a DSM violation, those those bipolar opposites of of emotional swings make it difficult to manage or multitask anything.

 

And as a kid, man, it would take me 6, 7 hours to do homework every day. Yeah. Thank you. What? Because then I'm not gonna eat, I'm not doing anything. I just gotta focus on this, but I don't want to.

 

I'm thinking about, you know, watching dragon ball z or going to play in the backyard or whatever your thing is. Yeah. And 2 of the things that I found to help me there's well, first off, there's a guy on Instagram.

 

He's got some pretty good content out. I'm pretty sure his handle is doctor Brian FTWI don't know what the FTW is for but either way I'm pretty sure his handle is doctor Brian FTW.

 

You can find him on Instagram and its advice. He he, of course, into the videos he puts out, advice for ADHD by ADHD. And he's a doctor.

 

So he puts this stuff out there. So there there's a lot of good relational advice on there but 1 of the things that I found that worked for me in managing my ability to be distracted or come back to a point is is less.

 

You know, I've got probably 7 different pads of paper and 4 different whiteboards in his office, but it works.

 

Right? So then I I can I can write down where at and say, well, this is where I left off? So this is where I need to pick up. Now the problem that I've run into and more regularly continue to run into is the how of a process.

 

For example, if I get distracted and I'm working on a task where it's got, I don't know, 3 different bullet points I've gotta put together, Well, then something happens that breaks my focus.

 

So I'll make a note of what happens at that point in time or where I left off, But then if I come back to it, I don't know how to pick that back up.

 

I don't know what got me there. I don't know how to get to the end. I don't know what train of thought I had.

 

I don't know the how about process. And so I'll also write down whatever my thought is, whatever I'm at is deliberate and detailed as I can make it. And then when I go back to it, I'll be close enough.

 

So maybe that'll help with your son or other people that are listening for that matter. That's something that I found in work for me that so far is as effective as I need it to be in my life at this point.

 

So you have mentioned something before we started recording that it's important to be good at what you're good at. Well, that that sounds like such a reflexively rhetorical type phrase, it almost is illogical.

 

So what do you mean? Yes. Okay. So I guess bringing it back to you and me, I realized after my son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was sick, the doctor had given me a piece of paper. And he says, well, which 1 do you probably have ADHD?

 

You were his dad. And I said, neither of us. Are you kidding? No. Neither of us have ADHD. And so he gave me this adult checklist. And I went home, and I threw it at his dad, and I said, there you go.

 

You have adult ADHD. And he was, like, looking at the list, looking at the list, And he's like, you know, I think it might be you. And so I'm like, well, that's crazy.

 

So I looked at the list and yeah. Sure enough, I was then diagnosed at the same time with ADHD. So I realized growing up, I didn't really feel that good at anything. I was never really, like, great at something.

 

Mhmm. And that's because my interest was everywhere. Yeah. Like, I wanna know this and this and this and, like, every morning, I'd wake up and I You know what? Today, I gotta know the ins and outs of how salmon Migrate or whatever.

 

Yeah. Migrate fawn. Like, whatever they do, like, you know, not today is the day. And I don't really care that I have other things to do today. I gotta know about those salmon.

 

So I realized that that was something that drove me. And I felt like I didn't have a lot of self confidence because it it always seemed like everybody else was getting something that I wasn't getting. Not mental. And Yeah. Like yeah.

 

Like, it felt like people knew about something I didn't know about. Yeah. You know? And Just feel lost. Yes. Like so lost. Yeah. Obviously, we went to private school together, so I don't know if that had something to do with it.

 

But when I first started going to public school in tenth grade, I had a guidance counselor that told me, oh, maybe you might want to drop out and get your GED because we find that kids that come from private schools just simply cannot especially the private school you came from.

 

No. They never do well.

 

That's what she told me. So she says, you know, as in tenth grade, I was 16, and she felt like, why don't you just go? You could you could get your GED. You could finish, like, you know, going to like a vocational school or something.

 

And I remember just being so devastated by that because it felt like you know, I always felt like there was something a little bit wrong with me and that that was confirmation.

 

That I really was not smart enough. And it and it was kinda like I always knew it, but that was, like, the first time that I'm, like, oh my gosh.

 

I'm really not. Like, to the point that they literally don't even think, I can just make it through high school. Yeah. And the funny thing is is, like, I was never cared about high school that much.

 

I don't wanna say I did, but I really I still graduated with, like, 3. 2. It wasn't like I, you know, had a just a terrible GPA or a terrible reason that somebody would say that to me.

 

You know what I mean? It wasn't like I was just a horrible student or anything, but they really just kinda catapulted me on a path of, like, I'm not really that good at anything.

 

Mhmm. And yeah, I think that's a common trait for people with ADHD because you're just going am I blanking out and missing something in your description of she is like spot on.

 

Because it's exactly right. Like the other day, I was trying to do something and some sales roof guy -- Mhmm.

 

-- was knocking at my door. And I'm just like, who is knocking at the door? Who in the world could be knocking at the door? And so I go and look out there, and I didn't even open the door.

 

I just looked out the window. But, like, sure enough, done. Done. No. I'm done. Like, whatever I was doing. I can't I can't even bring myself to come back to it and and do it.

 

Because it just feels way too overwhelming. Yeah. The potentially, I guess, resulting anxiety or resulting frustration or just stress because you're an adult so there's timelines and deadlines.

 

There just is. Maybe not in your line of work but in your life there has to Right? Like I've gotta get this done before I gotta pick the kids up from school.

 

Yeah. Okay. Or I gotta get this started before they wake up or who knows? Whatever. Yep. So there's just gonna be deadlines by virtue of growing up in adulting and that just is what it is.

 

And I agree that makes it very difficult. I had an opportunity at work where it was exclusively timeline driven. You know, go do these things, finish up these tasks by this time period full stop. That's it.

 

Okay. Well, If everybody else in this office is gonna have conversations for the next 2 hours, I've just lost 2 hours of potentially being it doesn't matter if I've got headphones, it doesn't matter if I've got whatever, it's gone.

 

It's gone. And then it's gonna take me another couple hours to refocus which means really I've got a half hour to get all that stuff done and it's not realistic. Right? So in the military more often than not, that's your problem.

 

Not mine. Okay. And right wrong or indifferent, That's been an uphill battle for me primarily since I enlisted because you're forced to take ownership of those instances and then find ways to work through them or crumble.

 

Those are the only 2 options. The flip side I think of that even outside the military is as I understand diagnoses, their opinions backed by medical fact. That's right. So they're also based on as I understand them.

 

Their impact to your daily life and routine. Yeah. So if there's a minimal impact, you may not receive a diagnosis that doesn't degrade or detract from the fact that there may be an issue you need to resolve or address. Right. Right.

 

And I think that middle ground at least as I'm understanding it now is where social workers can definitely fill a niche because you haven't received a diagnosis but you're feeling how you're describing where there's issues and things you just need to contend with and work through or talk through whatever.

 

Right. Right. But you don't know how, then there there's a definite place to start.

 

But before we get a little bit deeper into some of these principles and concepts and constructs as applicable to social working and Let's take a break for a couple minutes.

 

Okay. And everybody listening, sit tight for a few minutes, we'll be right back on SD YT the podcast.

 

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Alrighty, folks. Welcome back to SDIT the podcast. I'm Porter I'm your host. Sitting here with Anna, we're talking about balance and learning and loyalty, but as it applies to social working, Right?

 

So how you integrate into a society? As a child, as a parent, as an adult, as a teenager, as a student, as whatever capacity applies.

 

First off, and I'm welcome back. Thank you. You're welcome. Glad to be here. Yeah. And and to all of our listeners obviously welcome back as well.

 

Anna, you have mentioned earlier as master social worker. Is that the correct term master social worker? Yeah. I mean, yeah, just a social worker but yeah, there is a difference between a caseworker or a master social worker.

 

So social worker is kind of a broad term. But if you are a master social worker, you focus more on mental health aspects of social work.

 

I see. Where we left off in the last segment, we were talking about basically communicating through different issues, how to reach people that see things differently in a sort of generalized sense.

 

We had attributed that consideration to attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. However, my working theory is that if a lot of people have similar trending or similarly symptomatic disorders?

 

Well, and it can't be a disorder anymore because that's the new order of things. Right? Problem as I understand it, the issue is how do you communicate through those issues? Because that's what continues to make it a problem.

 

To become in your experience more emotionally intelligent or how to communicate through those things, whether it's through therapy or exercises or games or whatever, what considerations are there to help remedy those communication deficits and supplement that.

 

Right. Right. So play therapy is something that not everybody, I guess, understands in its fullest capacity.

 

Play therapists offer up either games or art or any kind of activity that is basically drawing the person away from the fact that we're engaged gene in a therapy session.

 

So we don't really want them to I don't wanna say we don't want them to know that they're not in a therapy session.

 

But how are they reacting? How are they reacting to the game? Because a lot of times, that is how they react to everybody. It's very telling all of the characteristics of a kid or of of a child since you're in your care.

 

It's how angry they get if they are losing the game, if they maybe feel the need to cheat at the game, you know, how they feel, really, my my goal oftentimes is to win.

 

I'm not sitting there letting them win and saying, oh, look at you winning.

 

That's so great that you win. Because, ironically, it's me. Like, I'm trying to win. I need to win this game because I need to see how you're gonna respond to me winning it.

 

I see. So I don't wanna say that I win every time, but it is not my brother-in-law actually asked me 1 time. You know, is it your do you help people feel better about themselves?

 

Is that, like, what you do? And I said, no. I don't help anybody feel better about themselves because I would actually feel like I'm doing somebody a disservice by leaving there with them feeling better about themselves.

 

Because maybe I might feel better about myself as a therapist if they feel more confident about their ability to play a game.

 

But it's not ultimately about the game. Right? Like, it's about all of the life skills that that come with it, you know, the fact that even if you're playing against somebody, you can have certain level of, you know, congratulations.

 

I'm happy that you won. Maybe I'll win next time. Maybe I'll do them better than I thought I'd do next time. If you're doing art, my art is better than your art, great.

 

That's okay. If if you were really bad at this game, that's okay too. You know, that gives us an opportunity to be better and to get better at something. And that's what ultimately makes confident people.

 

You know? When you're when you get to be a little bit, you you feel good about what you do. And the only way you can feel really good about what you do is if inside of you or interestically, you feel motivated.

 

So for a lot of kids, what is the motivation to not act like a savage? Because you're just a kid. Right? Like, what is the motivation to get good grades and to wanna sit still in class and you know, like, what is that motivation?

 

And so you have to you have to find that. You have to identify that in everybody, or you're just simply not gonna want to. I like to say with ADHD. It's like, oh, boring things are just so painful.

 

But boring things are painful to anybody. You know? That's that's just boring. It's just not what you wanna do. A lot of kids don't wanna be in school. A lot of kids are thinking Why do I need good grades?

 

I don't care to have good grades, you know, especially if their needs are not being met at home, which is a lot of the kids that I work with often. They're they're just not getting their needs met at home.

 

So they're they're having a hard time. But, you know, you have to teach them how to communicate. And how to feel good about yourself. You don't even need somebody to say, wow, buddy.

 

That was a good painting. Which is what, again, if a if a child paints with me, I never you'll never hear me say, that's a good painting. Because they need to you know, why you can ask questions?

 

Why did you choose those colors? Why did you choose this scene? What were you thinking whenever you're you know, you did the splash of color onto the side? What was going through your mind at that point?

 

When there's a lot of things that actually make people feel better about something they've created or done when you ask specific questions as opposed to the parents always just going, good job, Betty.

 

That's great. Well, there's something to be said for positive affirmation too though. Oh, definitely. Definitely. But the thing is is then they're not being intrinsically motivated. It's kinda back to that.

 

Not saying there's you're doing anything wrong by saying you're doing a good job. Because that's totally fine to do that, and it's great to have, like, that emotional support from somebody. But what makes you feel individual?

 

What makes you feel valued? What makes you feel like you're good at what you just did? And that would be that somebody is paying attention to details of it or asking more questions about why you chose that, why you went that route.

 

Because, you know, if you sat there and you painted a whole picture and you really took your time painting it, Yeah.

 

You might get it out of boy from 1 of your parents, but, like, you just spent so much time doing this. And this meant a lot to you to do.

 

And so whenever somebody just says, yeah, that's great. You're not getting that okay. I I want a little, like, feedback though. You think it's great, that's great. But what do you think is great about it? Mhmm. Well, even as adults.

 

Right? Like, oh, honey, I made you this whatever meal or whatever for dinner. Yeah. That's great. I appreciate it. Well, that's cool. I appreciate you appreciating it, but that doesn't tell me anything. What does that mean?

 

Right. And and I think a lot of conveyances of qualifiers -- Mhmm. -- changes everything. And it's it doesn't have to be overly critical. Doesn't have to be forced like you said earlier. You could still be authentic about your feedback.

 

And it's also okay like back to your kid bringing you a painting. It's okay to even say to them, like, you know, oh, it looks like, you know, it got a little messy in this area. You know? It's okay to not be the best at something.

 

It's okay to give a little positive criticism to something too because nothing is always perfect. Mhmm. And as parents, we have a tendency see to, like, you know, we want everything to go kinda perfect for them.

 

And what's that teaching them about life? Because nobody's gonna love them like we knew. Right? Mhmm. No teacher, no wife, nobody is ever gonna love you quite, like, you love your own child.

 

You know? So like letting them know that, you know, it's okay to fail. It's okay to communicate. You don't have to get like upset about anything either.

 

So like my son, for example, this is sometimes not what everybody thinks that you should do. But, like, if he loses something, I never tell him, oh, maybe you'll get it next time or, you know, whatever.

 

I always tell him, you know what? That kid either wanted it more than you. Or he tried just a little bit harder than you tried. And so, like, next time, maybe you're gonna be the kid that wanted it the most.

 

And maybe they're gonna be the kids that tried just a little harder. But what's the motivation? If not, you know, we we wanna shelter them from real feelings and is that really helping them be an adult? Yeah.

 

But what does that do for their validation or ability to self validate even? I maybe didn't try as hard as the other person because I lost focus or actually didn't try as hard or any other number of things, and that may be applicable.

 

However, maybe I did. I really tried, and I'm really frustrated that I didn't win or do well or whatever.

 

Mhmm. And then to get told, What do you mean I didn't try hard enough? Right. You know? So I would argue in that instance that whatever you're doing might not mean enough to you though.

 

Maybe you're doing that particular thing to appease somebody else. Mhmm. I see. Because I because I do feel like when you're doing something that or intrinsically motivated to do.

 

Like, you want to do it. You don't really care that other people in your life like it or don't like it, you wanna do it. And it's almost the thing where if you do want it that bad, you want it that bad.

 

Yeah. There's a story not to are you're trying to fill up. It's called the riches man in Babylon. Have you ever heard of it? Have you ever read it? I have heard of it, but I've never read it.

 

But I have heard of it before. Okay. So it's it's not a big book for any of our listeners actually. It's it's quite thin. I don't know how many couple dozen pages or so. But it's big print and pictures which is always nice.

 

Anyways in their there's this kid who wants to learn to make money. And the advice that he gets is you gotta track I don't remember the guy's name. You gotta track down this guy. He's the richest man in Babylon.

 

Mhmm. She's okay. Cool. Find him he's gonna teach me how to make money. So this sort of, I don't know, typecasted aladdin type character wanders through the market trying to track this down, the richest guy.

 

Well, this guy's got jewelry, this guy's got markets, this guy's got fruits and foods and dates and whatever, he must be the richest guy. No. No. No. No. No. Finally tracks down the richest guy in Babylon.

 

Well, takes him to the shoreline and says there's water out there on the beach. Walk out to the water. Till I tell you to stop? The guy walks out there, ditches feeding comes back and he says, no no no no no.

 

I didn't tell you to stop. Go back out there and walk into the water. The guy's like, well, this is a strange lesson but alright. Sure. And walks out there. Gets knee waist deep, turns around and comes back and says, this is pointless.

 

He said, no. No. No. No. I didn't tell you to stop. Go about there and walk out. The guy walks out there and gets to his waist, and he's like, well, I didn't hear it.

 

Keeps walking, gets out to his chest just around his armpits, turns around and yells to the guy on the beach, now is considerably further away and says, is this as far as I can go?

 

Is I didn't tell you to stop. Keep pushing yourself and go.

 

And eventually, he gets to a point where his toes aren't touching the bottom anymore and his face is bobbing up and down out of the surface and he starts sputtering water and as his ear breaks the top, he hears, alright, come back.

 

And the guy gets out there, he says I nearly drowned. Why didn't you help me? You saw I needed help. Until you want to succeed as bad as you wanted to breathe? You're never gonna do it. So I think you're right.

 

There's something to be said for intrinsic motivation, but but recognizing it and learning that doesn't always mean you've got to hit rock bottom. Sometimes it just requires the the right expression of the problem set.

 

Yeah. And I think that comes back down to what we were talking about earlier and that's that you don't have to be good at everything, find self confidence and being good at the things that you're good at.

 

Things that you really are automatically good at, you know, things that and not even necessarily good at, but things that motivate you. Parents are gonna push all sorts of inputs on you.

 

Society's gonna push all sorts of inputs on you for the sake of exposure. Mhmm. You know, it's important to learn to socialize. You're gonna play on a sports team and ballet and whatever.

 

Mhmm. And so you go and try all these things, and this is obviously in a sort of ideal environment where you've got the money, the time, the opportunity, the training sets, whatever.

 

How do you balance that? Like, finding what you're good at and what you're passionate about with what's being pushed on you for the sake of experience and exposure.

 

And how do you manage How do you recommend managing that? So, you know, I think that a lot of parents have this desire need, whatever, to, you know, like you said expose kids to as many things as they can be exposed to.

 

And I agree. I've I've had my son in in quite a few things just to see, you know, with his response to certain aspects.

 

He's done a lot of different things, golf, soccer, football, and more recently, he's been doing sailing sailing boat. Mhmm. And what I have found in what he has done is that he is more motivated by individual sports.

 

Oh, I see. So yes. So anything that where he has to depend on his own self, he doesn't depend on the team doing better he just knows that he is in control of how this outcome looks. Not the team that's in control of it is he himself.

 

So what I would say is a lot of parents are like, okay. What what would make me a really good parent is if I make sure that, like you said, he's exposed to all these things. But really, expect scene is is great and it's fine.

 

There's nothing wrong with it. You know, our thing too is that he's gotta make it through the season if he wants to commit to something. But a lot of times parents are putting too much on themselves.

 

Mhmm. There's there it's too much. It's it's too many things. It's too many activities. They really just want you. They want your advice. They want your thoughts. They wanna be able to ask you questions.

 

And sometimes you find yourself in a place where you can start to notice Okay? Like, this is what he likes to do. This is what is literally driving him. So he's gotten into sailing. I don't sail. My husband doesn't sail.

 

We don't know anything about sailing boats. We don't know what they're called, what they do, nothing. But he does. And he literally will jump out of bed in the morning for it. And I've never seen him do that before.

 

So I would say that I agree with you exposure is really important. But I also think that, you know, letting them know that let's take all of your life to cultivate what you're gonna do when you're an adult.

 

Mhmm. Because there's too much kids being 18 years old. I feel so bad for 18 year olds. In any world because they've just been told what to do, told what to do, told what to do, and then all of a sudden, you're 18, and you're an adult.

 

They're like, go out and do the damn thing. And it's like, do what damn thing. I don't I have no idea what I'm doing or or anything because my whole life, everybody has told me what to do.

 

Teachers, parents, society, has told me what to do this whole time. So I feel very passionately about that instead of, like, pushing our kids into, like, gotta do football now.

 

Gotta do baseball now. Gotta gotta get these things done. It's more about what is driving because they should be learning about themselves this whole time.

 

In the process. You know, in the process. And and it's kind of our responsibility as parents because you know what? In the school system, the school system is so antiquated.

 

It's not been changed since factory workers. We're factory workers. So we're still cranking out factory workers in the school system. That's all we're doing is cranking out factory workers.

 

People don't know how to think for themselves, do things for themselves. They're just okay. Today is Friday, and every eighth grade classroom in this whole school is learning about Christopher Columbus.

 

You know? And so it's like there's no room for people to ask more questions or do more project because whenever it's Monday, We're not learning about Christopher Columbus anymore.

 

We're learning about somebody else. So as parents, it's like our responsibility to be okay, what makes our child unique, different.

 

Not about what I want for them. Not about what society wants for them. But what are those qualities, those very specific qualities that every single person has that makes them awesome.

 

The thing is when you're being authentic, people can't not like you. It's literally impossible. Because how do you not like a straight shooter? You're not like somebody that you know what to expect when you see them every time.

 

Like, even if you don't always agree with them, if you know what to expect, you you just like them. You like that person. They're they're true to who they are. Well, it helps encourage safety and security too, I think.

 

Totally. And especially for men, you know? Like, this is a society where I feel like men and boys are just lost to, like, it's I mean, it used to be like, it's a man's world, but now it's the, like it's, like, all about women in a way.

 

And that, you know, I just feel bad for boys and men sometimes too, whereas, like, you guys have a place and you have a purpose and you're supposed to be a man and a man takes care of your son, your family, you have very specific things, and and you're needed.

 

You're needed to be who you are. And I think that a lot of men in this day and age are, like, Uh-oh. I better not be fully who I am because then people might think things about me.

 

And I just think it's just important if society could just everybody could be their authentic selves. I think that people would find a lot less anger because you just start who you are.

 

You're not trying to put on a face or be inauthentic. And a lot of times you're, like, you even say with this podcast, You're even able to have opinions that are dissenting opinions, but -- Sure.

 

-- people are just looking true to themselves, you know, which Yeah. And and I think a lot of that ability to build relationships in that capacity. But in terms of depth of understanding, like you said, you know what you're gonna get.

 

So there's there's a certain amount of safety there, and and I think if Maslow were around, he'd have something to say about it. And and I think that counts for quite a bit.

 

And it really even regards to well, I guess we'll call it a social currency, you know, like if that's what you're trafficking out into society, the ability to just be authentic and be you and be vulnerable and understand that people may take advantage of that and then how to process and deal with that.

 

Or that you may be an asshole and somebody may perceive you to be that way even if you don't intend to come across that way and how to deal with those things.

 

How to rely on a team, how to rely on yourself and build confidence. And and I think that's a lot to ask of of anybody.

 

But that's your responsibility as a parent. Mhmm. And if you're in a position where that's not something you're willing to get into and you don't think you're ready that. Obviously, some schools of thought say a board adopt whatever.

 

Alright. My personal opinion, not to get in any of the politics around it, but my personal opinion, is nobody's ready for that, you know. So you're in great company, billions strong and you know, like I I wasn't ready.

 

I don't know that I ever will be or was. Right. Agreed. But that's 1 of those moments where you've just sort gotta take action that we talked to off the air.

 

So let's take a minute and and jump into that. There's so many different, almost at times, overwhelming opportunities. Or options even to exercise your ability to make decisions and and choices.

 

But at some point, you just have to start, which then means you gotta be willing understand and accept the risk, whatever that tolerance or threshold is, but you just gotta start.

 

So how do you encourage taking action? I assume me back up first. I assume play therapy is primarily for kids? Yeah. Play therapy is really for kids. Okay. So let let's frame through that real quick then.

 

So how do you encourage assessing and accepting different levels of risk and managing being overwhelmed and different factors and different controls on your own to rely on yourself and self confidence, to just start.

 

How do you encourage that in your experience?

 

What's worked? Do you mean working specifically in the capacity with children? Well, working specifically through play therapies just for the sake of framing to the question. But if that applies more specifically to just kids then yes.

 

Mhmm. Yeah. So play therapy is for children. I would say that when you get to be an adult. It's not really that necessary to have those tools, I guess, you would say, in the way of helping somebody better their environment.

 

Because a lot of times with children, this is a a thing that not everybody wants to hear, but with children, children are mirror images of their parents.

 

So a lot of times working in play therapy is gets a little frustrating for me because a lot of times parents are like, oh my gosh, there's something so wrong with my child.

 

Please fix them. And then they're going, don't don't talk to me. I'm not gonna come. I'm not gonna be part of the session, part of the therapy, not gonna do any of that, but please fix my child.

 

And so I would pay for the for the sake of plate therapies, that is 1 of the most challenging things because I would honest to god say that a lot of times it needs to be either a joint effort or there's something in the child's environment that needs to sometimes change.

 

But I also think that play therapy is a really good tool, especially for children that have, like, divorced parents because it allows them kind of like a screen where maybe it doesn't even always occur to them what they're thinking or feeling.

 

But while they're busy doing something, they might just say something that you can kind of stand upon.

 

Mhmm. I would say that, you know, how my things usually started, like I was telling you, I try to win I try to be better and I try to be the best so that they can feel those feelings.

 

But as time goes on, we don't necessarily use those tools as often. We don't necessarily always use a game or art or any thing. You know, the hope is that it would get to the point where we could just have a little chat.

 

If they wanna always do it, they can. But, you know, the the whole idea behind it is to try to remove that kind of screen that's that's in there. Well, I imagine it's a lot of balancing what to think.

 

Like, these are the rules of the game. These are the parameters and controls with with how to think. Mhmm. Right? Whereas in whatever, public, private, montessori trade, whatever type school now, a lot of it is, here's what to think.

 

Right. You gotta figure out how to do it later. Good luck, man. Yes. You know, and and I think in balancing that, you called it higher order of thinking where you're able to critically assess and prioritize your responses. Right? Mhmm.

 

If play therapy for kids is meant to fluidly integrate different lessons for building resiliency and problem solving in communicating and building emotional intelligence through games, but it's not necessarily for adults, or how do you recommend doing that for adults that never had an opportunity to go through play therapy?

 

Well, here's what I would say to that. I do think that adults need a screen like that.

 

I do think that. I think that a lot of adults that have never had any form of therapy before don't really think They don't really know how to start, how to get there, what to do, who to look for.

 

When I was first looking for a therapist for my own self, about 10 years ago, I felt the same way. I wasn't really sure who to look for, what I what I really needed, or anything like that.

 

And what I found was there are forms of therapy that are still for adults. So there are lots of you know, you can be an art therapy, for example, as an adult.

 

You could be sitting there doing art therapy. But that's in in an adult form that's not necessarily like a therapist would be asking you questions. It would be more like you go home on your own time and you should paint.

 

And when you're painting and you're sitting in silence, and you're not looking at your phone all the time, or you're not you don't have, like, music saying lyrics while you're changing.

 

You know, so you're not being told what to think in any way.

 

Mhmm. You're just painting or whatever. It could be a lot of things. It could be rowing a boat, anything methodical that's quiet. It could be going for a run or a walk. Something that you enjoy to do would be more official.

 

But when you get to be an adult, I would say that that your therapist would then say, I'm gonna challenge you to be doing these things on your own. Because when you're a child, you don't really know how to do those things.

 

And when you're an adult, I'm not saying you do either. Right. But that's the challenge. That's the point. So you're not really behind the curve if you weren't exposed to it at a younger age. Say as an adult comparison. No. I yeah. No.

 

I wouldn't say you were behind the curve in any way if you weren't, you know, given it as a as a child. I do think that for children, a big part of play therapy is so that they're not sitting there thinking something's wrong with them.

 

You know, I think that Sure. I think that that's kind of the big underlying thing of it is just that, okay, we're just gonna go hang out with somebody and play games.

 

You know, it's not like, oh, I'm sitting in a therapy session. Because what kid would be, again, back to the motivation, the intrinsic motivation is that you are not really gonna care to go with a therapist and just talk.

 

Mhmm. You know, that's not really what you feel like doing. But if somebody says, hey. You wanna come play game me for a little bit, then they're always, like, totally.

 

Yeah. Definitely wanna go play a game. And I'm gonna beat you this time. That's what they said. Sure. Because they know I'm not I'm not really a competitive person by nature.

 

I wish I was more competitive, but I'm not really that competitive, but they all think that and as competitive as can be. Because, you know, I need for them to be mad. That's really what it comes down to. My my goal is to make them mad.

 

Because I want us to be able to work through that. Well, yeah. You have to identify the triggers. Otherwise -- Mhmm. -- you you never gonna know and well, don't say you're never gonna know because you'll figure it out eventually.

 

We are. Yeah. You know, maybe just later in in life, but I've got a buddy to your point where you take time to yourself and do something methodical or whatever.

 

He he refers to that as the fortress of solitude. Mhmm. Mhmm. And you know how Superman went up to where I don't know wherever this in the Arctic or somewhere, a bunch of ice crystals and whatever.

 

And that's where the entire knowledge base of Krypton was stored and where he would go to learn things and reflect in process Yes.

 

So important. It's so important to be in silence and and to what you said about that too with the with the kids and the triggers and stuff, that's what is important when you go to, I guess, therapy for adults.

 

What I would do so, like, what I'm also doing in a capacity is working for hospice. And I am mostly support for caregivers because often the person that's passing is not cognitively there.

 

I'm not saying that every time. Certainly never true if you have cancer or something like that. I to have lots of conversations with people that are dying of cancer that are perfectly able to tell me all the things they need to tell me.

 

Oftentimes, it's the caregivers that are experiencing a lot of the intense emotions. Usually, they're more intense about it than the patient could ever dream of being is almost always the caretaker.

 

Mhmm. Yes. But even it's funny because even of the ones that, you know, are are okay, it seems like even they are less in crisis than the caregivers are. The caregivers are always seem to be the most in crisis of the people.

 

Let's take a break for a minute. Sitai for a second. We'll be back on SDYT the podcast. Hey, everyone. And Stac's here. Just wanted to take a moment and give a shout out to my wife, Julie.

 

She is a artist of sorts, but she has a Facebook page called the bee and the Bear creations And what that page is for is basically if you wanted to do a specialized item like a tumbler or a hat or a vinyl or a decal or shirt.

 

You can go there. You can ask some questions, look through the wares, but then give a DM and try to sort it out.

 

And then work it in just pricing. But if you're interested something like that, go ahead like her page. It's the Be and the Bear creations on Facebook.

 

So go enjoy. Right. You haven't even told us the name yet. What are we supposed to tell our family all the metadata. Have you considered the blockchain? And then when are we supposed to tell all our friends anyway?

 

Already going to ensure that all of the listeners know where to find anything Harry am I supposed to tune in to a podcast that I've saved to my library, and now is a different name.

 

How are people going to find what why are the episodes? Why are they changing the name to begin What about the listeners?

 

Well, now what These guys, guys. I got it. Alright. It's gonna be a phased approach. We're gonna ensure between April and what's going to be our July interview and SDYT the podcast to transacting value.

 

It fits better. It fits our market, it fits our niche, it fits our intentions better. It's still real people, with different perspectives talking over shared values.

 

I'll take care of it survival dad y t at gmail dot com is still the active email address, Facebook profile, the Instagram profiles, the TikTok profiles, everywhere you've been accessing this media stays the same.

 

I'm still your host for now. This is still SDYT the podcast. Alrighty folks. Welcome back to SDYT the podcast. I'm Porter. I'm your host, I'm sitting here with Anna Willis.

 

We've been talking about all sorts of stuff largely revolving more recently around play therapy, arguably therapy as a whether it's self therapeutics or supplementing or complementing your efforts through somebody else's ability to help therapeuticise your life.

 

But first of all, before we get into picking up any of that stuff from where we left off prior to the break, to all of our listeners, welcome back, Anna, my friend, welcome back. Hi. Thank you so much. Hello.

 

So what we what we left off with, we were talking about hospice at that moment and how you support the caregivers within, I guess we'll call it the hospice program or or initiative it got me thinking from what you said earlier on in the interview, you were talking about that you focused on obviously play therapy with primarily children, but that you've also worked with homeless people.

 

You've also worked with hospice people in hospice care, which now apparently more specifically means the caregivers themselves what sort of overlap?

 

What sort of considerations are there when you're talking about feeling misunderstood or to have other see you as your authentic self and not be misunderstood?

 

When I worked with the homeless community, I was surprised in more ways than a million.

 

It's very interesting to see the spirit of human resiliency in people. It's amazing to see that when people really, really want something, that they're just pretty seamlessly able to accomplish it.

 

If back to the intrinsic motivation if it's something that they really, really want. Mhmm. So what I've realized and what frustrates me sometimes is that of course, with homelessness comes almost always drug use.

 

I didn't see a single person that came through oh, I take that back. 1 person came through that did not have any drug addiction. Every single other person that came into this homeless coalition had some kind of drug addiction.

 

The 1 person that did not was a 60 year old man who I determined after speaking to for several sessions was undiagnosed autistic, which was so surprising to me because shocking, really, if anything, because you only see autism as something I feel like that's seems like maybe people in their thirties and younger have.

 

So it was really interesting to try to identify what was going on with him because there was no drug use, but he had a hard time kind of really socializing with people, and, you know, he was just a little different I mean, in a funny, kinda quirky way, but a little bit of an oddball.

 

You know? He's just a little different than all the men that he lived within the house.

 

So all the men did not get him, didn't understand him, and and that sort of thing. And I remember thinking that I felt I don't wanna say I felt bad for him because I try not to ever feel bad for clients that I have.

 

Because why first of all, what good does it do to feel bad for them? Sure. It never it's never provoking any kind of action or, you know, making anything better to just feel sorry for somebody.

 

So that's never what I I try to do. And I would say that this man in particular was the first time I was going, you know what? I can't ever feel bad for somebody again. This is not me helping them. You feeling pity for them.

 

But 1 thing that I found was that the people in the homeless coalition very, very often felt very misunderstood, not by being homeless, ironically, but more that they had a life time of feeling misunderstood, which is why they turn to these types of friends and these types of activities and, you know, often had families that maybe didn't really care what their outcomes were or things of that nature.

 

And what I found was probably, it was a 50 50 thing.

 

You know? Some people were just as app to come in and go back on their way again. And there were lots of people that came in and out that that was what they wanted. They really, really just simply wanted to live in a tent.

 

There was this 1 girl in particular that we would bring in from tent constantly. And to the point that then it was okay. We can't keep bringing her in and doing this. We're not really actually helping her.

 

Because we're just doing what her grandma wants. Her grandma in that particular case wanted her out of the out of the tent. But, you know, just generally speaking, most of those people just really feel misunderstood.

 

Like, they couldn't contribute to society because they didn't have the confidence to. They didn't think that they were worthy to contribute to society.

 

Mhmm. They just felt like the only thing they were worth was just sitting in a tent and doing drugs. So the argument is, that doesn't mean you have to run right out and be, like, productive.

 

Which is a lot of times what people don't like to hear. A lot of times people wanna think, oh, they're homeless. Those bums need to just go get a job. You know? And that would solve everything.

 

Can't believe they're out there just acting like they're homeless when they could just go get a job. My argument is that most of the people I countered, maybe did not have a physical impairment. You know?

 

So, like, it's easy to look at them and think, go get a job. But what I realized is that they literally didn't think they were capable of that life. I had a girl that, you know, her mom would live in and out of cars all her life.

 

Just get an apartment, live in a car, get an apartment, live in a car. And so then she thought that she took more pride in living somewhere because of that.

 

At the same time, her mindset was always like, well, worst case scenario, I'll go live in my car. Right. You know? And so the thing is for most of us, that's not our mindset.

 

I'm not saying that you won't just go with emotions. Like, you know, if you have to live in your car, you have to live in car. I'm not saying that you won't go through those motions.

 

But if you've never been in that place, then it it's not really in your line of thought process. You know what I mean by that? Like, of course, you're a survivalist and you'll do what you can do.

 

But, like, that's not in your general line of, well, worst case scenario is I live in my car. So, you know, again, it was feeling useful. Like, how do you feel useful? And how you feel useful is that you build up that confidence.

 

How do you build up that confidence? Well, I'll tell you. You have a growth mindset or you can have a fixed mindset. There's only 2 types of mindsets that you can possibly have.

 

Okay. What's the difference? Okay. So a growth mindset will welcome failure, and it will see it as a way to experience big growth. Okay. So every time you fail, you think my gosh.

 

That's totally okay that I failed. Like, if anything, I'm actually kind of a little bit glad that I failed, Because often what we find is that failure produces something bigger than you could have even ever imagined in your head.

 

You think that you're capable of this, and you're going for it, and then you fail.

 

And you're like, oh, my god. Okay. Well, I guess I wasn't capable. But then often you're thinking, you know, but I'm driven by that. I wanna do that still anyway. You try again. And you often end up being mind blown.

 

So my daughter, she's 3, and my son is 9. And she is in the stage where she wants to run through and knock down whatever he's Okay. And just and and she thinks it's funny and all the things and, you know, he gets really frustrated.

 

Well, I started telling him And not that that's okay that she does that. Of course, I, you know, have my own things that she, you know, she has to sit and time out and things.

 

But I do end up telling him when things like that happen. I'm like, you know what? It doesn't seem like it, but I guarantee you now that she smashed that.

 

And now that you have to start from the ground up again. I bet you anything, you're gonna come up with something that was way cooler than the first time. Because you already know what was possible.

 

Mhmm. And so now you're gonna take what was possible and make that even better than it was before. So when you got those 2 types of mindset, you got the growth mindset, and it welcomes that failure. Because it's like, you know what?

 

Actually, I'm glad I failed because I know that it's gonna be better. A fixed mindset is the other mindset. And that's where you just give up and you say because you're thinking to yourself, I failed Yikes.

 

And that's just something that speaks to my character. It speaks to, like, who I am as a person because I failed. Failure is a flaw, is what you think when you're in a fixed mindset that, you know, you you are flawed.

 

So oh my gosh. I better shut merch, shut this whole entire thing down because I'm flawed as a person because I have failed. Between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset, how do you bridge that?

 

Because it sounds more advantageous to develop a growth mindset, but that doesn't mean everybody has it or it's gonna work for everybody to maintain it. So a growth mindset is something that you have to work on every day and every time.

 

You have to tell yourself when you fail you're not just gonna wake up tomorrow and have a growth mindset. It is something that you have to set yourself up for. AS A PROCESS.

 

SO AS A PROCESS. SO FOR ME, I HAVE ADHD FOR YOU. I'M SURE I DON'T WANT TO SPEAK FOR YOU, BUT you know, it feels like you're kind of going up this mountain that feels like, you know, I saw with ADHD, somebody walking in the ocean.

 

And then there's somebody walking in the sand next to them. And the person walking in the ocean is going, why is it so easy for them to walk? Oh, I see. You're, you know, treading through the ocean trying trying to get there.

 

So, you know, I would say that just like with any habit, that you're trying to fix or you're trying to break, you gotta just be 1 percent better than you were yesterday.

 

Mhmm. So if you're trying to achieve that growth mindset, that's not to say that the next time you fail, you're not like, wow.

 

I'm a big failure. You know? Like, I hate myself for this. I can't believe I put myself in the position to fail again and people might laugh or people might see.

 

But if you can put yourself in that position and think, but is it okay? Is it good or is it that? Mhmm. And you think to yourself, of course, the first thought you have is it's terrible.

 

It's horrible. It's the worst thing ever. What do you mean is it good or is it bad? But when you really sit with, is it good, or is it bad, you start to realize that this human experience is 50 percent good and 50 percent bad.

 

Sure. You know, like, it doesn't matter who you are, what you're doing, it feels like you're always wanna get all your eggs out of your basket, and then you're gonna feel okay.

 

Mhmm. But no eggs are out of the basket ever. Like, you're just always feeling like you're doing that more and more again and again and again. Yeah. And so that's okay. We can handle it.

 

We're resilient. All humans have a resilient spirit. Everybody has the capacity to pull on their bootstrap. And that's the idea behind social work. When I first started my social work, that was the first thing they drilled in our head.

 

All humans are resilient. All humans have a resilient spirit. We just have to find that. We have to locate that within them and help them find that for themselves.

 

Oh, sure. Like the turtle in Kung fu panda, when poe gets to the top of the mountain. Yes. Yes. Exactly. Exactly. Yep. Finally, had the noodle dream. Yep. Yes. Yes. I'm with it. And and you know what?

 

When you take action, you either fail or not. So, like, there's only 2 things that can happen when you go to take action. You either win or you fail. And when you fail, you will. Always learned something every single time.

 

Every time, it is impossible to fail and not sing not learn something from it. And again, back to authenticity, like, if you're not failing and you're not okay with failing sometimes, like, how can you be authentic?

 

How can you be loyal to who you are if you're not okay with it and you can't identify that it's okay? Well, let me stop you there for a second.

 

You said it's impossible not to learn when you fail. A guarantee of learning when you fail, for example. Only if you are aware of the lessons inherent in the failure or if you're exposed to them to think about them.

 

As opportunities, because otherwise, like you said, if you take a failure as a failure and you're like, man, that's a big l. You may not see what you're able to learn in that moment, So there may be that.

 

But yeah, I guess to your point there is something you can learn. You just may not have learned it yet. Right. And I would argue that you're not processing the failure if you're just sitting there saying, oh, that's a failure.

 

Because the thing is is I really do have to argue that there is something to learn in every single failure. It's just you have to be open to the fact that that's okay.

 

Sure. And I think that if you don't think it's okay to fail, then that would probably be, like, the first thing that you that a person would need to to process really is just that it's okay to fail.

 

Everybody fails. If you don't think other people fail, then they're not being their authentic self. Right. Because everybody does.

 

Well, I mean, luckily we have social media to be authentic. Yes. Yes. Yeah. And I mean that's that's a tricky thing to balance too. We can can touch on this in a in a different episode assuming you've got the time.

 

But that's a tricky thing to balance too, especially now the direction things are going tech in the digital space is such huge environment and a huge influence for people, children, adults, adolescents across the board.

 

This may be senior citizens to a degree, but this is what I'm seeing. So it's gotta be as close to reality as as what I can think is reality.

 

You know, like, it's it's the same sort of thing. Well, everything and this was 20, 30 years ago. Everything I see on the news, man, that poor country, that poor family, that poor child is whatever.

 

That must be the what it's like. No. Yes. But no, not in its entirety. You know, people are still just trying to survive and live and thrive and do their things and pick flowers and cook food and make bread or whatever people do.

 

You know, but you're not gonna see that on the news. And it's the same sort of thing now, what you're seeing on Instagram, it's not a new concept.

 

People being fake online news media has been doing fake things for decades. Every yep. And and at the risk of any, I guess, Trumpy coin phrases. Right? Like, fake news being what it is is not new. It's just a new platform.

 

That's right. Yeah. So -- That's right. -- it'll be interesting to see where it goes and how to how to balance the 2 and increase awareness to low from failures and identify and and be authentic and build self confidence.

 

But but for the time being, I I really appreciate you being able to Carve out some time in your afternoon and and talk through a lot of this stuff.

 

So for any of our listeners that wanna find out more about any of these topics, what resources, what websites are you familiar with?

 

So there are 2 resources that I really, really love. There is a guy who is an LCSW, and he is called the ADHD Dude dude.

 

And he is a therapist and he has a son who has ADHD. And he has some awesome tools and tips about dealing with it as both a parent from a parent aspect and identifying what children might experience if they have it also.

 

And there's also a podcast that I listen to called The Life Coach School from Brook Christillo.

 

And I think that she has some amazing thought provoking things So I definitely have both of those things. And, of course, I am currently working on my website and my own company, but that's kind of in the works right now.

 

So Okay. Well, I look forward to seeing it come to fruition. Yeah. Once once it does, that'd be pretty cool. Yes. The podcast that you had talked about, is that exclusive to Apple?

 

Or you can find that anymore? Yeah, it's on any podcast. The life coach school is on any podcast The ADHD guy is on, like, social media, like, Instagram, and Facebook. I see. Okay. Alright. Cool. Well, great.

 

And for any of our listeners that wanna hear more about any of these topics that we cover today or have critiques or any insights that you want to contribute, feel free to send us an email at survival dad y t at gmail dot com.

 

Send us a message on Facebook Instagram at survival dad y t, Twitter at survival dad YT1 or on TikTok as well, you can drag us down there.

 

But for the time being and I appreciate your time, thank you very much. And if you've got more opportunities throughout the year and you want to jump back on, feel free to let us know.

 

That'd be pretty legit. And all of our listeners, thank you for tuning in. But with that, folks I appreciate it. I'm Porter. I'm your host and that was SDYT the podcast.