Alrighty, folks. Welcome back to SDYT the podcast where values still hold value. I'm Porter. I'm your host, here in the month of May, we're covering our 3 core values of courage, integrity, and respect.

Now you can take these from a lot of different angles, and a few different perspectives specifically in this episode is what we're gonna focus on. Namely parents and children.

Now I understand that a lot of our listeners are familiar with these values. They're also familiar with these roles as humans, but what you may not be familiar with is another person's perspective on these values.

And I thought this was an interesting opportunity to reach out to some of our friends, see who might be interested in taking part in this interview. This 1 is special to me because he's been helping us out for almost a full year now.

Since survival dad y t started. He's been our host of Scott Scotch Stories, most recently, exclusively playing on TikTok, and For the past few days, maybe even the past few weeks, he's actually been absent on the show.

He's been processing a few things and and dealing with a few things in his personal life that now he says he's ready to talk about.

First of all, if you are a new listener to the show, welcome. And if you're a continuing listener, welcome back. I don't know if you're listening at home on your cell phone on your drive to work.

I don't know if you're playing and streaming this podcast on Spotify on Anchor on Audious, iHeart Radio, or if you're just playing it on YouTube in the background at work.

But either way, I appreciate you stopping by and listening for a little while and hanging out with us.

All that being said, without further ado, guys, I'm Porter. I'm your host, and let's get to this special episode of SDYT the pot test. Alrighty folks. Welcome back to SDYT the podcast again on Porter.

I'm your host and here in the month of May, we're covering courage and tech and respect this particular episode with our special guest host of the survival dad y t video series, Scott Scott Scott Stories.

Will McClllan, Will. What's up buddy? How you doing? But I I'm alright. Great man.

I I appreciate you making some time to come in and talk. I understand you've been going through a few things. I I hope we can address some of that on the air if if you're comfortable with that and maybe talk through some of it.

Oftentimes those moments that we sort of think we're alone when we can maybe help the most people. So if you're willing and you're feeling up to it, man, I know we talked a little bit off the air.

I'd I'd I'd really appreciate talking about a a few of these things that's on your mind that I'm sure our listeners would appreciate the opportunity to listen as well.

And and maybe even learn something. And maybe some of them can relate and maybe you can help some of them as well. So If you're willing and if you're able, let's let's see where this goes. What do you say? And I I that's fine. Okay.

Alright. So let's let's start at the beginning. Will, have you been? All things considered pretty good. I've had some opportunities recently to spend some more time with my boy to get him out of school early on a few times as well.

It's been great. Work is demanding. Right? I've had a few opportunities, I guess you could call them recently to better my health. Physically, now more recently mentally as well. Well, that's great. What what what's going on?

I mean, I don't need your medical record, but, you know, what do you what's going on in your life? Well, You see, working outside as I have been the majority of my life, I've developed multiple locations of as it turns out, skin cancer.

I'm sorry to hear that. Alright. Well, such is life and so I've had to go and get some of it looked at, some of it removed.

And now I'm healing which is good. But as most things go, it gives you the opportunity to start to understand things a bit better or maybe a different perspective than what you had before.

I'm not sure what you mean. Right. Well, it's a small knife. In most cases it's a small laser. And what it does is it removes a small part of whatever the biopsy says is either malignant or benign.

In this case, it was skin cancer and it was malignant. It doesn't seem to have gotten anywhere else which is good and but that's what it started.

That's tough. That's tough. I'm sorry to hear that. Right. Well, I was too initially. The more I thought about it though. The more I started to realize it was a gift.

You see, I came to the gravity of the situation. But I don't know if I could do it myself any other day. I couldn't make sense of it. This opportunity though brought me closer to a perspective that I think I've just been ignoring.

Namely the importance of communication with my boy. Right? I spent so much time as a parent Don't do that. Put that down. Get your clothes on. Take that out of your mouth, go to school.

All of those opportunities for him. I thought I was doing a service. What I didn't realize was that what he needed was me. What he didn't know was me. Right? So when I was born I had 11 siblings.

Only 2 were younger than I am. Of them, as I was growing up, not all of them were nice. Now I understand nice is a relative meaning. K? For me, it was more compassion. Instruction. Right? I understood that I had something to offer.

They didn't seem to understand that. My brother was the oldest, 17, 18 years maybe, which obviously gave him the opportunity in his own right to pursue his dreams, he almost moved out before I was even born.

Right? And so because of that, it got bossed around often. I got treated like, well like little kids do.

But I got bullied at home. I got bullied in town. I got bullied. By other boys as I grew up. And so on 1 hand at the time, it was difficult for me to be able to understand and relate to what I thought I should have become.

As I got older, I realized all of those things were great tools for me to teach my boys. He got bullied at school as well or as his friends would pick on him and not listen to him saying stop or don't do that.

Or I don't like that and then laugh at him. So I started to realize that my anger towards now my boy's friends was anger towards what I hadn't dealt with decades ago.

But then, as I began to realize that over time in the last few weeks alone, I started saying bits of what I was going through from a third person perspective, and that's when I got my diagnosis.

And that's when I started to go see the doctor. And I think it was a combination of those things that gave me the opportunity to think more.

I've lived with guilt before. I've lived with maybe remorse. I I've lived with all sorts of emotions Most of which I don't care to share right now, but but I understand how I deal with them.

How do you deal with them? I bury them. I've found for me making distance is what gives me the opportunity to process in my own time.

Right. But then in this case, your own time ended up being decades. And through all of that time, you had to deal with this, maybe regret or grief or, I don't know, guilt.

On your own, why would you put yourself through that? I guess it denied that I was doing it. There are so many other moments in time looking back that I could have handled better.

But as I was talking with my boy this past weekend, and he started telling me about his friends and what they're doing, topics they discuss and how they treat each other, what they do when they hang out with each other.

As young boys do, it took me back to where I was and I realized that sometimes externally, I was scapegoating him with my problems.

And I didn't realize it at the time. What I started thinking about was what he was doing as if I was doing it, not as if he was living it. And then I guess after a while, I started realizing my own mortality.

And that gave me insight, that gave me perspective. They gave me a feeling that finally I was understanding how to communicate and process all of my emotions or whatever came about from the decades before.

I see. I see. Well, let's let's get into some of that then for our listeners and and dive in a little bit deeper.

So you mentioned you had a lot of brothers and sisters. A lot of siblings. Yeah. So I assume your parents weren't that young when they had you. If your would you say your oldest brother was almost basically 20 years older than you?

Right. By the time I came around, I would say they would probably and they're maybe mid forties by then. Right? So around the time that most people are are done having kids, your parents are still working.

Working? Yeah. Yeah. I'd say they were. Yeah. My dad didn't really understand how to do it. His approach was discipline and that was it. It was nice. He was a great man.

He was strong. He was confident. He provided stability for a family, an income for a family, a mother. She didn't work and so as a result, She stayed home. She took care of the all of us, everything, a house, whatever.

My sisters, they would take care of them as well. My brothers would help on occasion whenever they were able to move through whatever they were doing in their teenage lives as well.

It's a strange thought thinking about it now because every parent you ask no matter how old they are. They say, well, there is no manual for raising kids for being a parent.

There is no booklet that says these are the right things to do. Or these are the wrong things to do. You just do it. Sitting here now, understanding me as a person. And how I raise or attempt to raise my boy, and how I advise him.

I don't feel any different. I just have more experience, more years under my belt. Right? But I'm still me. It's still my perspective. So I still see it from this window. But now I'm looking at his.

And so you have to make the best decisions you think of at the time to say the right things to the right people at the right times. In this case, I started to realize that maybe that's what my parents were doing as well.

I blamed them for a long time. For what I thought they had done or maybe even what they actually had a hand in doing. I don't think I'll ever know at this point both of them have since passed.

My father when I was 14 and my my mother just a few years ago. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. Well, that's how things go sometimes. Right? And then you learn and always it's in hindsight.

You start to realize the important things, but I didn't soon enough. And so whatever guilt I had to deal with I had to deal with on my own in my own time and it just happened to hit me over the last few few weeks. Okay.

You know what? Well, let's just take a break for a second, man. Let's process all of that, and and we'll take a break. And for all of our listeners, I appreciate you guys tuning in. And we're back in a few minutes on SD YT the podcast.

Hey, everyone. It's Stack's here. I just wanted to take a moment and give a shout out to my wife, Julie. Is a artist of sorts, but she has a Facebook page called the bee and the Bear creations.

And what that page is for is basically, if you wanna to do a specialized item like a tumbler or a hat or a vinyl or a decal or a shirt, you can go there.

You can ask some questions, look through the wares, but then give a DM and try to sort it out. And then work at adjust pricing.

But if your interest like that, go ahead, like her page is the b and the bear creations on Facebook. So go into If you're looking for high quality locally sourced groceries, the Keystone farmer's market is the place to be.

Alongside our signature homemade boiled peanuts, We strive to offer only the best locally sourced pasta, baked goods, jams, and jellies, farm eggs and dairy products, meats, and even seafood.

As well as a great selection of fresh produce. That's the Keystone Farmers Market. At 12615 Tarpon Springs Road in Odessa, Florida. The place with the boiled peanuts. Hey, folks.

This is Will McCollum. Hosts of Scott Scotch stories on TikTok, an occasional call host of SD YT to podcast through survival dead YT. If you haven't stopped in to listen to SDIT a podcast or interacted with any of the social media.

You're missing out? There's topics like gender equality, mental health, abuse, drinking, depression, and divorce. But there is also gratitude, appreciation, respect, courtesy, and self empowerment.

So for different perspectives, talk through shared values. Turn in to SD Yate the podcast every Monday. In 9AM Eastern Standard Time, on all your favorite podcasting platforms.

Alrighty, folks. This is Porter with SD YET The Podcast. If you haven't heard about Anchor by Spotify, it's the easiest way to make a podcast with everything you need all in 1 place.

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Alrighty, folks. Welcome back to SDYT the podcast. I'm Porter, I'm your host, and, again, we're talking with Will McClllan from Scott Scott Stories. Will, welcome back. And to all of our listeners, welcome back as well.

Well, where we left off, we were sort of going down this kind of vague trail. And so for the sake of our listeners and for a little bit of relatability, I'm gonna do a quick recap, and then I've got a question for you.

Right? So what we talked about is essentially that parents as children carry the same perspective its first person.

It's whatever you're going through, it's whatever you're living through, it's whatever you're seeing, whatever you're hearing, whatever you're experiencing.

But as you grow, your individual perspective is still the same sort of monocular lens, because it's still you.

The variables, the factors that you're taking in, well, that changes. Right? Because your setting change, your friends change, your experiences change, and how you interpret those experiences.

Change. But once you become a parent, it becomes less apparent. What you need to do correctly and what you have done or might do or could do incorrectly. And so that's where we left off in in our first half.

Well, you had mentioned that you took a couple weeks sort of as a sabbatical, right, to process. Let's talk about that a little bit. What's what's going on? Right? So I was married some years ago.

And in that process, I didn't know what I was doing. Right? I only had what did you say my lens to look through and As we were going through for the first few years, you see, my mother had not changed my wife at the time.

She hadn't really changed either. Say, essentially what it came down to as I started to realize everybody made me fail.

Invalidated because of what I was saying, what I was trying to do, didn't seem to make sense to them. It was like, what I was doing was wrong. It felt like they saw me as a drunk or a deadbeat to some degree. Right?

I didn't know what to do. I'd have a few drinks when I got home from work. I worked night shift. Right? It's a local hospital. I worked there, working on the furnace boiler, whatever needed just and fixed. I'd get home in the morning.

My wife, she'd go to work. My boy would go to school. I'd sleep till he'd get off most times. If I didn't pick him up from school, my mother would. I'd sleep, I'd do what I needed to do and then go back to work.

The next night. I never saw my wife, almost never saw my boy especially after school. Till 1 day, I remember my mother telling my wife at the time that there was a 5 year rule.

When it comes to marriages that most don't last 5 years. And she continued to be this influence on my wife. Good badder and different She was a great woman, my mother, and she tried what she thought was right.

But from where I was, it wasn't good. I didn't know how to process. You see, I think, well, I lost a father and kept searching for a figure.

I kept searching for 1. But I never understood how to communicate my emotions or how to process or whatever I needed to do to be able to convey that to somebody else.

And so after a while, I started hearing all of these things. Right? And I tried to tell them I said just stop just can we stop talking about these things?

There is no need for you to tell. My wife about this repeatedly. And there's no need for you to keep treating me like, I drink all the time. And so after a while, suppose I started believing that I didn't deserve any better.

I was getting what was coming to me. Till eventually my wife left, she took my son. I was supposed to say him on weekends. I didn't know how to say him on the weekend.

And then communicate with him. I didn't know how to be a father. In fact, I was more scared of being a father. But in that moment, I I didn't know how to convey that. Because I didn't wanna fail. I didn't want to be the 1 who failed.

Because to me, that would mean that maybe they were right and it would confirm everything that they had attempt to say. I didn't want that to be true. I had been strangely running from it the whole time.

Then end up exactly where they said I was going to be in hindsight. It was a realization that over the last few weeks, I had to process. Well, may maybe I can help talk you through some of that.

You know, it's it's interesting because it took me leaving home for 20 years almost. And then now, whenever I do go home, I almost start to realize that I didn't even know who my family was.

It's kinda like what you're describing. It's not a facade. I don't think. Right? To me, a facade is an intentional masking of emotions or sensitivities or personalities or or something that you don't wanna put into the public space.

But It wasn't genuine either. Right? It was people saying things that they thought were the right things, not saying things that they thought might be the wrong things.

It was people acting a certain way, dressing a certain way, doing certain things that weren't really true to them.

But now I'm older. Now I go home and we talk about things. Right? You might consider it big talk, which is different in in a nuance since.

From big boy, big girl talk. Right? Because in those moments, I think you're still belittled to a certain point. But when it comes to big talk, I e not small talk. It has some meaning, it has some substance, it accomplishes something.

Who knows? This kind of realization on 1 hand Maybe it was a a front, pushing things away so people didn't have to face them or didn't want to face things that they weren't prepared for, that they knew they weren't prepared for.

So they made distance. Distractions. Right? They made distance. And so if they didn't have to talk about certain topics with other people, well, it helped to give them time to process in their own ways.

Now the flip side is, by creating that distance, there's less opportunity to fix an address and sort of make peace with those things.

Now, it may not even be any of that. Right? It it might just be that people, in my experience, Maybe they were just never aware that these issues were a thing to begin with.

I don't know. I'm not them. Like, we've been discussing. I only see things my lens, you only see things through your lens. So it's sort of illustrates the importance of going through life and not just doing it.

But critically thinking about it, being present in a moment. Even if you don't understand the why behind what you're doing then, think about it later.

But make the effort. And and who knows? Like, in my case, maybe it was because they were afraid to face certain things. Maybe it was because they didn't know that they needed to.

Maybe it was because they had buried it so deep from years of distance, kicking dust over all the memories and conversation topics and awkward emotions and uncomfortable conversations that they hadn't processed yet, or didn't realize they needed to process.

Del after a while, all that dust covered the road that they had been running on. And as we start kicking off dust, funny thing is, we often start to realize that that road we've been running on is a circular track.

But oftentimes, by the time we're ready to talk about it, the people we want or the people we need to listen, they're not running with us anymore.

And that makes it difficult. But that's sort of the the human condition will. And so I guess you're you're in good company, man. Not entirely sure if that helps or if I'm a bit more confused. But I do appreciate you listening.

It gave me the opportunity to talk a little bit. You know, it's funny when you think about it that We're here in this moment in this conversation transacting values. And somehow, I'm finding value in that. I hope it helps.

And you may not be the only 1, but, you know, you you need to keep in mind that what you're doing not just publicly right on a podcast, but what you're doing and processing in your own way to yourself and out loud takes courage.

But you gotta respect the integrity of your trauma. To bury it and put it away and not accept it and treat it for what it is, or deal with people, converse with people that maybe even had a hand in or caused that trauma.

Making distance as a defense, only works in crowds of the offending party, man. And kinda like we said, you know, when you're alone, just a party of 1 and the distance doesn't do any good anymore.

You kinda have to deal with it. And maybe dealing with it is processing and learning to forgive, Maybe it's learning to forgive yourself.

Maybe it's learning to forgive them too. Maybe it's processing to just accept. And maybe that's the best you can do. Forgiveness doesn't come easy for anybody, and certainly neither does acceptance, but you gotta make strides to try.

On the other hand, life's not always that bad either. You may find like in this conversation just by talking to somebody else that it helps and you're not alone and maybe that's enough.

But Well, I know you said you gotta go. I I don't wanna keep you here. I hope we gave you a a good opportunity to vent and process a little bit.

And I hope maybe you got some advice out of it. IIII did. I appreciate you listening and for your listeners, I appreciate you giving me the opportunity to process and just be a human in the meantime.

I'll see you back on TikTok on Scott Scott's stories history has been hunting for some new material as well.

So we'll be sure to get into that. Alright. Well, I I appreciate it. To all of our listeners, thank you for setting in, talking about courage, integrity, and respect. And if you got something out of the interview, I appreciate it.

Feel free to send an email to survival dead y t at gmail dot com. If you've got comments, if you've got advice, if you've got insights that you want to contribute to this episode or to others, send them in an email.

Feel free to send them in a direct message on Facebook or Instagram, you can search survival dad y t. Otherwise, I appreciate your time. And with that, I'm Porter. I'm your host. And that was STYT the podcast.