The Blueprint Trap with DeDee Cai

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Become a Global Ambassador for Self-Worth. Text us your feedback! What happens when you've dutifully followed everyone else's blueprint for success—only to discover it feels like a prison? Holistic wellness coach DeDee Cai takes us on her remarkable journey. After building what should have been the "American Dream"—complete with corporate career and self-built business—DeDee found herself questioning everything when tragedy struck. Her five success principles—responsibility, commitment, disci...

Become a Global Ambassador for Self-Worth. Text us your feedback!

What happens when you've dutifully followed everyone else's blueprint for success—only to discover it feels like a prison? Holistic wellness coach DeDee Cai takes us on her remarkable journey. After building what should have been the "American Dream"—complete with corporate career and self-built business—DeDee found herself questioning everything when tragedy struck. Her five success principles—responsibility, commitment, discipline, action, and service—offer a practical framework for anyone feeling stuck or uncertain about their path.

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An SDYT Media Production I Deviate from the Norm

00:00 - Introducing DD Kai's Journey

05:49 - Breaking Free From Expected Paths

13:06 - Self-Care as Business Foundation

22:19 - Building Confidence Through Action

30:24 - The Five Success Principles

45:30 - Connecting With Fit to Profit

WEBVTT

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The views expressed in this podcast are solely those of the podcast host and guest and do not necessarily represent those of our distribution partners, supporting business relationships or supported audience.

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Welcome to Transacting Value, where we talk about practical applications for instigating self-worth when dealing with each other and even within ourselves, where we foster a podcast listening experience that lets you hear the power of a value system for managing burnout, establishing boundaries, fostering community and finding identity.

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My name is Josh Porthouse, I'm your host and we are redefining sovereignty of character.

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This is why values still hold value.

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This is Transacting Value.

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They are like what, how many now?

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Nine billion people on the planet Like we don't need another person, it's just going to be pushing papers or like living the typical lives.

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But we need people who are going to be teaching us to do things differently, and that was for me.

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Today on Transacting Value.

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What is it about?

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Being a millennial, and maybe even being a millennial in business, that oftentimes gets us to a position of I don't know if I'm right for this.

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I don't know if I'm the right person to be doing this.

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More importantly, who am I now that I've done this?

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Well, in today's conversation, we're talking with holistic wellness coach Didi Kai, all about her story and how it took her from the corporate world to restaurant touring to now as an entrepreneur in her own right.

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My name is Josh Porthouse, I'm your host and from SDYT Media.

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This is Transacting Value, didi.

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How are you doing?

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Oh, my goodness, I am fantastic.

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How are you doing?

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Thank you so much for having me on today.

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Absolutely.

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I appreciate you making time and I know, given the holidays, as of now recording this, it's a little bit chaotic, so I appreciate you making space in your schedule as well.

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So thank you.

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Yes, absolutely.

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You know I love this conversation so much and for the fact that you said yes, holidays can be chaotic, but if you are doing something meaningful right, it's really worthwhile.

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I mean, it's just only 45 minutes or an hour out of our day and if we get to influence right, like even our own selves or other people like, why not?

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I'm here, I'm game, I'm ready, I'm excited.

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Let's go Absolutely.

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And you know what, when you're talking about something meaningful and something worthwhile, I mean those are terms that I feel like are so underrated.

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You know, like they're just like these clouds floating in the sky with really no context, because they could be anything, and we're like, oh, this is a meaningful experience for my children's life, or this is a worthwhile thing for me to do as an adult.

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And then you turn the page.

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Five years, 10 years later, you look back and you're like I don't know what I was doing.

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I don't know what that did for me.

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You know I went to school for four years and I'm not sure what medical school contribute or whatever it is.

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You know my uncle graduated in music as a major and he's been an architect.

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The last 30 years never played an instrument, you know.

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So who knows?

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But I'd like to start there before we get rolling right, specifically in your case.

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So if we can just take the next couple minutes and establish a baseline, right?

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Who are you?

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Where are you from?

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But what sort of things are shaping your perspective on the world as it applies to these kinds of topics?

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What got you here?

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Yes, absolutely Well.

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Thank you so much for giving me this space to share the story.

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But ultimately, how I got here, I would say has been a journey right, and it's also cliche to say journey, okay, yes, a journey right, and it's also cliche to say journey Okay, yes, but it is.

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It has been, um, because as a first generation immigrant, I have a playbook that I was supposed to follow and I did right, like I was supposed to do well in school and find my corporate job.

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And there I go, right Like stay in there for as long as I can and then retire, hopefully happy.

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I did that, I follow it to the T and got a great first corporate job and I realized quickly, within the first, I want to say, week, that it was more of a present and it was not for me, and I started really questioning wait a minute, what was I following?

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Which blueprint or playbook was I following?

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Who was I pursuing?

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Whose career was I pursuing?

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Because it was not even close to what I thought happiness or success should look like when I landed my first corporate job and then, right around the same time, fast forward to where I have an opportunity to start my own business and again building the American dream if it wasn't for being successful in corporate.

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Yes, it's going to be starting your own family business.

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So we put all of our life savings into it, thinking that this is the American dream, and, believe it or not, once again, two times in a row, after five years of running my own brick and mortar, building it from scratch, you name it I just basically took over a piece of land, built a restaurant, got all the permits, hire everybody, name it, every single piece of the business I did from scratch, to realize once again it was my definition of success.

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And I say journey because, as you can see, supposedly, if you really look at it, and in retrospect I look back and I said, okay, wow, I failed twice in a row.

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What am I going to do with my life?

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And I thought I knew, but I didn't know what it was supposed to be for me.

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But I think what really helps me, grounded in what I do, to continue on as you hear more about my story is all about being resilient and getting up after falling down is that I have this calling also to always make a difference.

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I didn't know what it was supposed to look like, but I just followed what I knew how and I trusted right my friends and definitely my family who had a big influence on me, of what I needed to do to fulfill, you know, my calling or or purpose.

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But no, those two opportunities was not a match for who I was and took a big revelation, honestly for losing, honestly, my best friend to suicide the week of my wedding to realize up to that point I was suffering in silence, just like her, because I was trying to fulfill someone else's expectation of me and how I should live my life and what I should do with it.

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What was that based on, though?

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Because it's not well.

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Like you said, it's not your baseline as a point of comparison.

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It wasn't your expectations, but you thought it was.

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At one point, you know, you thought it fit, and it was what you were supposed to do.

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So how does one equate to the other?

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So when I did what I was supposed to do, right for the end result that I was presented when I got there, it wasn't exactly what I wanted.

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So then that's how I made that.

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That's how I realized that it's not, for me, right.

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Oftentimes people have their own definition of success and their own definition of what, you know, fulfillment should look like in a very general way.

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But until we really get clear which is part of my story, why I experienced what I did helped me get clear on what it really means to be successful for me and not for anyone else.

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So, because of my experiences, that's why I was able to discern wait a minute, that is happiness and fulfillment and success for someone else.

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That is not my definition of what my life should look like.

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So that's why it's a journey right Like I had to do it all, wrong to realize wait, I'm going to have to do it my way, because if I want fulfillment and, you know, having a meaningful line of work, I have to dig deep and I have to get back into alignment with who I am.

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Wow.

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Well, I guess first off I'm sorry about your friend and I'm glad everything else went fairly smooth that week of your wedding, I hope.

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But looking back, does that make everything else, the five years in the restaurant business, or the handful of years in corporate, or even schooling for that matter, I mean, does that make it a waste?

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Honestly, I wouldn't say that and that's why I call it a really a journey is because I wouldn't be who I am today without all of those experiences.

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Right, I had to be in corporate to realize wait, no, this is not, this is not the lifestyle I want to live and be bound to a location.

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I had to build my American dream the way I knew how to realize no, that is still not what I want it to do.

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To be wise enough to, after two failures in a row starting business like really starting a career to realize what not to do, so I really vowed my whole success.

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Now to all the experiences that I've had and because of those experiences, I know what not to do and because of that, I now have built a very successful virtual online business, because I knew I didn't want to be bound to four walls.

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I know I didn't want to be bound to a location from the restaurant and I knew that the next business I was going to start, it was going to eradicate all the other things that the typical culture has it like.

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This is the career, this is how it's shipping, when it's not true.

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That's interesting too.

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Then I mean you mentioned American Dream a few times to this point and I think that's another one of those you know fulfilling meaningful type ethereal terms that just I don't know.

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It's a little played out over the last 250 years because everybody says over now you know hundreds of millions of people what it means to them, and it's always this almost sort of stereotypical immigrant story.

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Now you know what I mean.

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You come to a foreign country, you bootstrap some degree of success, pass it on generationally and it grows from there, and then you end up with a fence and two and a half kids in a two story home.

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You know, everybody does this.

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That's what everybody does.

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That's the American dream, and I can't help but think it's so far from the truth, because that's the overall, generalized version.

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So what has your dream become for you?

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What is your version of that?

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So my, my version is totally working wherever I feel like working from.

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I only use a laptop.

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I feel like working from right On a laptop.

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We were able to move from the Northeast area after living there for 30 something years and be moved to Florida because I want to be by the beach within six months.

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I can literally work from anywhere.

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I mean, I can do this with you.

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This is exactly how I conduct all of my client sessions.

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I can work from anywhere.

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Really, I don't even need a home right and everything is virtual right, like being able to optimize all the tech and resources that we have now.

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That's why the American dream is so different now than, like you said, 250 years ago.

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But because of our culture and our parents' generations and things like that is a very blue color and we have to work hard, hard, hard.

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No, it's truly.

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Maybe also is overplayed too, when you say people playing, working smart.

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It's really truly about working smart and to be successful.

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For my own definition of success is really knowing what your strengths are and develop your weaknesses, and that's what I didn't really get to experience.

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I was just told exactly to go to school and only follow this pattern of doing things and stay small as much as possible and just do the mediocre level of, you know, service or whatever that is just going to pay the bills.

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But paying the bills is not enough anymore, right, like if we are so talented and there are so many, they are like what, how many now?

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9 billion people on the planet, like we don't need another person, it's just going to be pushing papers or like living the typical lives, but we need people who are going to be doing, teaching us to do things differently.

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And that was for me, like I just knew that that's not my life, like that is totally not my life.

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And as I look back, all of my relatives now are living their version of the American dream, which is not, which is not for me and, yeah, it is not for my children, absolutely, now that I have two kids.

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All right, folks, sit tight and we'll be right back on Transacting Value.

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Join us for Transacting Value, where we discuss practical applications of personal values, every Monday at 9am on our website transactingvaluepodcastcom, Wednesdays at 5pm and Sundays at noon on wreathsacrossamericaorg slash radio.

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All of my relatives now are living their version of the American dream, which is not, which is not for me and, yeah, it is not for my children Absolutely, now that I have two kids.

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Nice.

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Well, that's sort of the that's the nice point too right Of comparing the States, for example.

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You know whether it's democracy or capitalism or some degree of whatever I don't know politics, whatever you want to attribute to living here as being cool.

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But I think what is cool about it is you get the freedom to decide whatever that dream actuates as for you, if you want.

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And so developing that kind of critical thought, developing that kind of discernment, like you mentioned earlier, aside from just taking time, is it always in hindsight or do you think you can project a little bit and actually try to accomplish goals you set in advance?

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I would say back before I started to be intentional and really focus on staying in alignment with what I'm about.

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Definitely it was more hindsight, right Like oh, I had to do that to like realize that.

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But when I started being really conscious with all of my decisions and really take full responsibility and ownership for my own success is when things started changing.

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You know, for me now everything I do is more of a choice versus back then.

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It was the supposed it like I was supposed to do that.

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Now it's like no, I get to do this because I choose it.

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Okay, well, I guess.

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Congratulations again, then, because it's a sought after outcome that I don't think a lot of people are able to achieve, compared to the billions that could.

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So let me back up.

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What's your actual career now?

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What have you worked your way into at this point?

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I was completely honestly lost as to, okay, what am I supposed to do?

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And the blessing in disguise was discovering that I was suffering from depression and anxiety, just like my friend.

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That became the blessing where I realized that, oh, my goodness, everything is coming full circle Now.

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The reason why I was doing X Y Z before was trying to validate myself, so that way I can do what I want to do, and because I was trying to fulfill someone else's expectations of me.

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That's why the burnt out and depression and anxiety developed right Like it developed.

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Because it's not one of those things that oftentimes, yes, it could be genetics and things like that, but stress, like high stress and also being misaligned, emotionally and mentally drained, that's what depression is.

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And because I was able to heal myself, that's when I realized this is what I need to do, this is what I'm meant to do, and so that's when I got on, one step at a time, right, curing myself holistically.

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Then I realized this is what I wanna teach people to do, and I realized that not my best friend and myself there were two people that were suffering from the same thing.

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There has to be other people who are going through the same thing, and absolutely now that you know, since the pandemic, the rates of all of the depression, anxiety has gone up through the roof.

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There have been so like higher rates of suicide, all of the things.

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I don't want to be a Debbie Downer here, but the reality is a lot of people like us are suffering in silence.

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And that's how I started my business, fell into business development because of my experience having my own business, like my own restaurant and et cetera.

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But what I realized quickly after working with so many entrepreneurs is that not about the strategy and the tactic, but it's all about the mindset.

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Like we need to be able to really shift, just like how I was seeing the world, like mediocre is perfect.

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No, that is not possible.

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Now is excellence, is a habit, right, and so I get to really teach myself in my own journey while lifting others to really get people to understand that all it takes is having the right mindset, and so what I do more now is performance coaching, but with Pithits of Profit.

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It's a holistic approach to things.

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We really look at really getting someone physically fit, mentally, emotionally and spiritually fit, and then, last but not least, financially fit.

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That's why, fit to Profit you have to be fit on all levels to be able to profit from everything that you are putting into your life and business.

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That's cool, and so you work with entrepreneurs in what a startup capacity or established small businesses, nonprofits.

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So what I do more now is definitely around really building somebody's self-worth so that way they can feel like they're so grounded in who they are to go out there and do the things.

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That's going to really impact the world is.

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I work with two.

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There's two levels to the business.

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Definitely someone is starting out and then someone who's been in it for a couple of years but really looking to level up.

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So, as you can see already, as I've shared, it's all 80% of business and 80% of success is all mindset.

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I mean, yes, you can hear about it all day and you can reject it, but comes down to it, it is, if anything, more more than 90% mindset, because that's what's going to get you to get up and do the things that you don't want to do and continue to keep moving forward, no matter what.

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What was the?

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Uh?

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Ben Franklin, I think it was that.

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Uh, well, I do this all the time I people like I talked to you here on the show, and then I get this idea like oh, that's a great point.

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I have no idea who said this quote.

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I don't know where it came from, but it hits you, know you?

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Just you're inspiring, I guess.

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But there's a quote, I think it was Ben Franklin, and he said what was it?

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Success is some percentage inspiration, some percentage perspiration.

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Does that ring a bell?

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I is it.

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Success is for not the chosen few, but it's for the few who choose it.

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Oh, I don't know, but I like that one too.

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That's a good one.

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I think when we're talking about mindset though there's so many cool things we're not reinventing the wheel to success, sort of like we talked about the American dream, right?

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There's no need to take a stereotyped idea and try to place people in these templates or these jigs or these cookie cutter cutouts or whatever, because it's different to everybody, or at least it could be, and for all the amount of perspective and inspiration and how we're interpreting all these inputs, it could be different for everybody to the degree of success.

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But you really, you really hit on something when you were talking about mentally, emotionally, physically and financially being fit to profit as an entrepreneur.

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So everything in business, as I understand it, involves cashflow and revenue, right?

00:20:33.315 --> 00:20:41.441
So if we parallel that for just a second, what is this inflow, outflow, mindset that you're focusing on?

00:20:41.441 --> 00:20:43.044
What do you recommend taking in?

00:20:43.044 --> 00:20:47.973
What do you recommend putting out to be able to make it some degree of successful?

00:20:49.039 --> 00:20:49.342
Yeah.

00:20:49.342 --> 00:21:05.256
So I love that you're asking that question, because oftentimes people think that I'm going to reach out for another strategy, I'm going to pay for Facebook ads and things like that, but the work it's always going to be on you as the CEO, right like you are the CEO.

00:21:06.380 --> 00:21:13.268
Right, like you are, your business right and, yes, you have to take care of yourself on all of those levels.

00:21:13.268 --> 00:21:27.544
Because here is a practical example If you are confident in who you are and the value that you create with your work, you are going to step into a conversation with a potential client in a very different manner.

00:21:27.544 --> 00:21:33.622
Right, then, if you're, oh, I think I can help, I think so.

00:21:33.622 --> 00:21:50.988
That gets to be a practice on a very daily routine, so we get to work on ourselves on a regular basis, basically as input, like we have to fulfill ourselves, the foundation of building self-worth and confidence and success.

00:21:50.988 --> 00:21:53.433
It's just really honestly, self-care.

00:21:53.640 --> 00:21:57.131
And for some really think that, oh, it's overrated.

00:21:57.131 --> 00:22:05.874
I'm telling you right now it is not overrated, based on my story, until I really started taking care of myself on all levels, I was not performing.

00:22:05.874 --> 00:22:20.585
Maybe, perhaps, in retrospect looking, maybe that's why my restaurant wasn't as successful as it should be, or maybe I could be I don't know a VP of a fortune 500 company rather than but that's not, that just not happened to be my story.

00:22:20.585 --> 00:22:32.852
But I'm just using those as an example for you to understand that to profit from your work and to really increase your net worth is really investing in yourself first and foremost.

00:22:32.852 --> 00:22:33.641
That's the input.

00:22:33.641 --> 00:22:45.373
When you are filled up right, then you can go out there and put out what you need to put out in the world and serving the world and your business and your client at the highest level.

00:22:45.373 --> 00:22:49.442
So you have to care about your input first, before any output.

00:23:06.895 --> 00:23:10.398
All right, folks sit tight and we'll be right back on Transacting Value

00:23:11.298 --> 00:23:14.060
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00:24:08.896 --> 00:24:22.740
So you have to care about your input first, before any output oh, okay, okay, your experience sounds like it came from primarily entrepreneurial endeavors the restaurant.

00:24:22.740 --> 00:24:24.205
Obviously you know working through these things.

00:24:24.205 --> 00:24:25.608
What if it doesn't?

00:24:25.608 --> 00:24:38.692
Does the same formula apply Like, for example, most of my career has been in the military, usdod and, that being the case, eventually my career ended and I was left with well, who am I now?

00:24:38.692 --> 00:24:39.165
What do you mean?

00:24:39.165 --> 00:24:40.873
You're not going to tell me what to do or when to do it.

00:24:40.873 --> 00:24:46.596
I had to start thinking for myself and I didn't know who I was as a baseline.

00:24:47.337 --> 00:24:58.213
Yes, so similarly, just like how I landed my first corporate job right, you're probably on the same crossroad as I was.

00:24:58.213 --> 00:24:59.155
Who am I?

00:24:59.155 --> 00:25:00.097
What am I doing right?

00:25:00.097 --> 00:25:01.589
So here's the thing.

00:25:01.589 --> 00:25:09.876
That's why sometimes you have to really take a step back and get yourself realigned to your current reality.

00:25:09.876 --> 00:25:19.862
And I'm not saying that you can't think about the future and plan and shoot for really high goals, but we have to be able to shift ourself as an individual to a new environment.

00:25:19.862 --> 00:25:26.205
You cannot operate the same way you did when you were in the military, when you had somebody to tell you what to do.

00:25:26.205 --> 00:25:29.131
Right now, you get to tell yourself what to do.

00:25:29.131 --> 00:25:30.833
That's the difference.

00:25:31.674 --> 00:25:35.167
Yes, and you get to shift.

00:25:35.268 --> 00:25:36.192
Right, Like you get to shift.

00:25:36.192 --> 00:25:38.384
Wow, I'm not doing that anymore.

00:25:38.384 --> 00:25:39.907
I'm not in the same environment.

00:25:39.907 --> 00:25:41.932
I'm in my new environment.

00:25:41.932 --> 00:25:43.596
So what do I need?

00:25:43.596 --> 00:25:46.892
Who do I need to be in my new environment?

00:25:46.892 --> 00:25:48.777
Do I need to take more ownership?

00:25:48.777 --> 00:25:50.502
Do I need more routines?

00:25:50.502 --> 00:25:51.905
Do I need more support?

00:25:51.905 --> 00:25:53.626
Do I need direction?

00:25:53.626 --> 00:25:54.567
Do I need clarity?

00:25:54.567 --> 00:26:03.257
Right, and that's why it comes down to always, no matter where you are, there, you are is being able to align yourself back to what is driving you.

00:26:03.257 --> 00:26:18.271
Right Before, when you were in military I'm just using it as an example, because that's what you shared your passion and purpose is just like going out there and just protect people and you do whatever it takes Right, so that was more of.

00:26:18.291 --> 00:26:20.156
And then your input is training and all things.

00:26:20.156 --> 00:26:21.267
So it's very similar.

00:26:21.267 --> 00:26:32.936
But then the um I want to say is you're not fulfilling your vision of what it should look like, but now you get to fulfill your vision of what your life should look like.

00:26:32.936 --> 00:26:50.586
It probably could be similar, right, and actually your training in the military is actually going to give you great benefits, because what I train my entrepreneurs to do, and even myself every single day, is to have the discipline is to have the commitment.

00:26:50.586 --> 00:26:56.698
It's just, basically, it's all about serving people and then it's all always about taking action right.

00:26:56.698 --> 00:26:57.638
You're not gonna wait.

00:26:57.638 --> 00:26:59.431
Your teammates gonna get killed.

00:26:59.431 --> 00:27:09.573
You know you need to be doing something and so, but what you get to shift is where am I now, what do I get to do and do I get to listen to myself now?

00:27:09.573 --> 00:27:15.314
Or how do I get to set up what that looks like for me and how you're going to be supported in that?

00:27:16.285 --> 00:27:28.576
Well, yeah, and a lot of that, I think, comes down to confidence too, right, like there's some degree of maybe doubt that comes with building that degree of resilience and reliance, especially when it's internally driven.

00:27:28.576 --> 00:27:41.576
But I feel like the confidence only comes with experience and so you can only get it in hindsight, right, but how do you recommend identifying it or building that degree of awareness?

00:27:41.576 --> 00:27:44.111
Like, oh, I do have things I can stand on here.

00:27:45.173 --> 00:27:45.474
How do you?

00:27:45.515 --> 00:27:45.796
do that.

00:27:46.885 --> 00:27:58.732
I would say, as for my experience, right, like for anything that you have done in the past, you know that you can always do it again, and it's truly confidence is built with action.

00:27:58.732 --> 00:28:03.749
Right, a lot of people think that, oh, I need to be confident first and then I will take action.

00:28:03.749 --> 00:28:07.037
It's the reversed you have to take the action and do it.

00:28:07.037 --> 00:28:07.317
Wrong.

00:28:07.384 --> 00:28:26.854
Especially in entrepreneurship, it's all failing and using the failure which I call feedback, failing and using the failure which I call feedback to do it differently, to do it differently, like there's no success without feedback, without iterating, without changing things, because you, when you first run out, just remember your military training.

00:28:26.854 --> 00:28:31.755
You just don't get it the first time when you're in the simulator, right, like, you have to keep coming back.

00:28:31.755 --> 00:28:32.866
You have to keep coming back.

00:28:32.866 --> 00:28:35.635
It's that's why it's training right.

00:28:35.635 --> 00:28:57.519
Same thing with even like with yourself too, is taking action, and how you can build that confidence is just take action and then learn from that action, and then that builds the confidence for the next round, and it's just staying in action and that's how you can build it, and it's definitely in hindsight where you can really reflect on how you need to change course or what you need to do to be more successful.

00:28:57.519 --> 00:28:58.161
The next round.

00:28:59.144 --> 00:29:14.556
Absolutely, and I think there's a constant through all of those experiences, or let's call them feedback sessions, as you go through your journey, where there's some degree of consistency, I think, some degree of control that each one of us has, because it's all really internally driven.

00:29:14.556 --> 00:29:29.134
From the sounds of it, what you're describing, you know the catalyst may be external, but the driver, the trigger, is internal, and so I think this is a good opportunity at this point in the conversation for a segment of the show called developing character.

00:29:29.134 --> 00:29:32.114
D D D, developing character.

00:29:32.114 --> 00:29:37.236
Now, it's two questions DD obviously for you or anybody who's new to the show.

00:29:37.236 --> 00:29:58.569
But my goal here is is, I hope, pretty simple that of all of these opportunities to develop our awareness, we are the common thread in all of our experiences, good, bad or indifferent, right, we are the only denominator that's there in all of them.

00:29:59.332 --> 00:30:09.826
And I think what comes out of those experiences may be our character or the strength of it, but what grounds those experiences is a value system, and so my questions.

00:30:09.826 --> 00:30:15.232
The two of them are essentially based on nature and nurture.

00:30:15.232 --> 00:30:22.340
So when you were growing up, what were some of the values that you were raised on, or that you remember being raised around?

00:30:30.204 --> 00:30:32.510
And then now, after the last few decades of growth and feedback.

00:30:32.510 --> 00:30:33.693
What are some of the values you have now?

00:30:33.693 --> 00:30:34.095
It's interesting.

00:30:34.095 --> 00:30:40.869
You ask that question is definitely right nurture, I was not ever allowed to get a 99 on my test.

00:30:40.869 --> 00:30:42.453
I get punished.

00:30:42.453 --> 00:30:45.378
Oh, it's always have to be 100.

00:30:45.378 --> 00:30:52.590
There you go right, training to be the best right, and then when you're not, it okay why?

00:30:52.590 --> 00:30:55.054
And so that's one thing.

00:30:55.054 --> 00:31:08.259
So I definitely learned from a very young age to always give it my 100%, and now, as I've embarked on my career and being in business, excellence is a habit.

00:31:09.726 --> 00:31:11.854
It's literally the littlest things.

00:31:11.854 --> 00:31:14.453
It could be literally my son taking off his shirt.

00:31:14.453 --> 00:31:15.990
It's inside out.

00:31:15.990 --> 00:31:18.208
Are you going to leave it inside out?

00:31:18.208 --> 00:31:20.334
Are you going to turn the right side out?

00:31:20.334 --> 00:31:25.051
So when you do laundry, the laundry will be complete when it's dry and you take it out of the dry.

00:31:25.051 --> 00:31:28.246
So that is what I mean, right?

00:31:28.246 --> 00:31:33.105
And then, of course, through my years of self-development, I'm still a working progress.

00:31:33.105 --> 00:31:35.131
Is you show up anyway?

00:31:35.131 --> 00:31:38.750
You show up because you are committed, right?

00:31:38.750 --> 00:31:45.513
You show up because someone else is depending on you, you know, and not because of obligation, because you hate it.

00:31:45.513 --> 00:31:50.471
No, it's because you choose to show up, because you choose every single decision that you make.

00:31:50.471 --> 00:32:05.136
So those are just a couple things that I was raised with um and it's really paid dividends, like in the way I run my life and, of course, now also my business yeah, good for you.

00:32:05.958 --> 00:32:19.595
so taking that degree of of ownership, not just in a professional arena but obviously personally, like you described, that takes some repetition, to figure out the boundaries and not bring work home with you and the conversations and the stress.

00:32:19.595 --> 00:32:23.618
You said you worked with your mom, right, yes, that was interesting.

00:32:23.618 --> 00:32:26.807
Yes, my mom was my business partner for five years.

00:32:29.451 --> 00:32:34.038
Oh, she lives with us now in our house we moved here.

00:32:34.038 --> 00:32:37.053
We're the only ones here, my husband and I, I, two kids and my mom.

00:32:37.053 --> 00:32:39.349
That's five of us here in in florida.

00:32:39.349 --> 00:32:44.990
Everyone else is still in the washington dc, virginia area wow, yeah, wow.

00:32:45.050 --> 00:32:55.349
So then, enforcing or maybe just designing and developing those kinds of boundaries to process and segment and and still maintain I guess some sanity through this feedback loop.

00:32:55.349 --> 00:32:57.192
How do you do that?

00:32:57.192 --> 00:33:04.199
Because eventually it all starts to bleed together and you're like process and segment and and still maintain I guess some sanity through this feedback loop.

00:33:04.219 --> 00:33:04.779
How do you do that?

00:33:04.779 --> 00:33:24.127
Because eventually it all starts to bleed together and you're like I just got to get away, I can't manage this, I couldn't really put my finger on it before, um, but, and for some reason I always uh, proud of myself and call myself to be a chameleon, and what I come to realize most recently is because I'm just so self-aware and I know where I need to be and how I need to be depends on my environment, right.

00:33:24.127 --> 00:33:27.634
When I'm working, I am the CEO, like.

00:33:27.634 --> 00:33:32.048
I have my hat on as a CEO, like, or as a manager, or as a business owner.

00:33:32.048 --> 00:33:35.877
When I'm home, I'm a wife, I'm a mom, I'm a daughter, right.

00:33:36.285 --> 00:33:47.037
So we get to really be mindful with where we are and who we are and the roles that we play, right, and then just that's how it is, you know, in life.

00:33:47.037 --> 00:33:52.092
And I don't get to boss my husband around just because I do that all day, every day.

00:33:52.092 --> 00:33:59.771
No, he gets to make a decision too, of what I don't know where we go out or where we go on vacation, and things like that.

00:33:59.771 --> 00:34:13.815
That's how I want to say is to keep things healthy, right, and of course, it's through work honestly, like I I really honestly started working on myself at the age of 15 because of my trauma, things like that, but that's how it all started.

00:34:13.815 --> 00:34:15.639
It's been a few years now.

00:34:15.639 --> 00:34:29.277
I'm almost in my mid 40s and it's just really getting to understand where you are, who you are in that role, and it's all about being who you are in each role and being okay with that.

00:34:31.327 --> 00:34:32.173
Alrighty folks sit tight.

00:34:32.173 --> 00:34:33.684
We'll be right back on Transacting Value.

00:34:35.987 --> 00:34:41.851
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00:35:23.936 --> 00:35:38.293
Where values start in the home, it's just really getting to understand where you are, who you are in that role, and it's all about being who you are in each role and being okay with that and just being mindful and intentional, you know, with how you are being and how you're showing up.

00:35:39.407 --> 00:35:41.092
I can appreciate that a lot.

00:35:41.092 --> 00:35:44.355
Actually, I heard a comment the other day that I want to run by you here.

00:35:44.355 --> 00:35:49.235
That said essentially, I'm almost 40 years old and this isn't my comment.

00:35:49.235 --> 00:35:50.237
This was told to me right?

00:35:50.237 --> 00:36:01.557
I'm almost 40 years old, I don't own my own house, I still work with other people, I still have roommates, I'm still basically paycheck to paycheck, trying to find ways to pay my bills.

00:36:01.557 --> 00:36:04.568
What am I doing with my life?

00:36:04.568 --> 00:36:11.527
That phrase, all of that, that's two or three days old now, I think, and it got brought up to me.

00:36:11.527 --> 00:36:17.557
Is that still lacking in success?

00:36:17.557 --> 00:36:18.739
Is it still unsuccessful?

00:36:18.739 --> 00:36:24.927
Is it all a total failure, being that kind of a position, or how do we use that as a trigger to turn it around?

00:36:24.927 --> 00:36:26.413
Because I think that's pretty common.

00:36:27.496 --> 00:36:30.206
Oh, absolutely Right, Just like what we talked about.

00:36:30.206 --> 00:36:33.253
Where is the responsibility in all of it?

00:36:33.253 --> 00:36:37.568
So we need to turn the question around Like who is responsible for that?

00:36:39.733 --> 00:36:40.996
Yeah, the ownership, especially.

00:36:41.737 --> 00:36:50.956
Yep, and one of the biggest success principles we teach the foundational one before anything else is responsibility, and I need to.

00:36:50.956 --> 00:37:00.519
You need that person to be 100% on board that 100% of their success or unsuccess, however they want to define it, they're responsible for it.

00:37:00.519 --> 00:37:11.400
You're 40 and everything that has happened for you to get here, you're the one responsible for it.

00:37:11.400 --> 00:37:13.851
And guess what that means?

00:37:13.851 --> 00:37:15.275
You get to change it.

00:37:16.405 --> 00:37:17.768
Oh, I see, Okay.

00:37:17.768 --> 00:37:23.306
So it's not just highlighting the deficiency, but also the potential 100%.

00:37:23.347 --> 00:37:32.516
When you're 100% responsible for everything that you have in your life right now and the things that you don't have yet, that's when things get interesting, right.

00:37:32.516 --> 00:37:39.378
Then you can take the feedback you can take the feedback up until this point and say, wow, how can I do things differently?

00:37:41.347 --> 00:37:42.949
okay, but your hands are tied.

00:37:42.949 --> 00:37:51.514
Let's say, your sole income source is on one job and you're a shift worker, you know law enforcement or whatever, and you paycheck to paycheck.

00:37:51.514 --> 00:37:52.887
You're a firefighter.

00:37:52.887 --> 00:37:55.635
You're like, hey, 25 years has come and I just got to deal with it.

00:37:55.635 --> 00:37:57.027
It's my third divorce, whatever.

00:37:57.027 --> 00:38:10.876
Everybody else is doing it now, like, is there a degree of acceptance that has to be there, or I guess what I asking is how do you balance out the futility that comes with that degree of acceptance so that you can shift it into proactivity?

00:38:11.224 --> 00:38:23.380
So really taking true ownership for what you already have and what you can do, then you can start identifying the one next step, then the one next step.

00:38:23.380 --> 00:38:39.911
But if you're thinking that, oh, because you're 40 and you are still living at home or you live paycheck to paycheck, and it's the system, it's your parents, it's the divorce, it's the whatever it is, then you're into a shame of blame game and that's not going to go anywhere.

00:38:39.911 --> 00:38:45.490
You get to take a step back and say, wait, was I responsible in that divorce?

00:38:45.490 --> 00:38:47.992
Kind of right, like it's not only one person.

00:38:48.585 --> 00:38:50.211
Something happened, right.

00:38:50.211 --> 00:38:56.054
Okay, I can take responsibility in that I'm working a shift work and I'm getting paid this much.

00:38:56.054 --> 00:38:57.570
Okay, got it.

00:38:57.570 --> 00:39:04.443
What can I shift in my priority so that maybe, maybe, I can learn a new skill to do something else?

00:39:04.443 --> 00:39:06.612
Right, who gets to be responsible?

00:39:06.612 --> 00:39:08.648
I do, right, trust me.

00:39:08.648 --> 00:39:12.876
I have worked 18 hour days, I have you name it.

00:39:12.876 --> 00:39:14.385
I've been through the worst, right.

00:39:14.385 --> 00:39:22.728
But it's like you get to be empowered to take responsibility and know that everything that you have gotten up into that point is this you're doing.

00:39:23.630 --> 00:39:33.206
No one forced you, no one made you yeah I can sit here and say my parents made me go to school and then I end up in the you know the corporate job that I hated.

00:39:33.206 --> 00:39:34.630
No, that's blaming.

00:39:34.630 --> 00:39:50.240
I'm not going to shame myself either for making that mistake, because I didn't know what I didn't know, right, yeah, so there's no blame or shame, and specifically just responsibility in everything.

00:39:50.240 --> 00:39:52.833
That's when things really start opening up.

00:39:53.925 --> 00:40:01.472
But we still have to have some degree of boundaries in that process, right, some degree of I don't know line in the sand, the red line type analogy.

00:40:01.472 --> 00:40:15.034
You know like I'm going to do this and I'm going to take ownership in this decision because I'm in this corporate job, because I'm in the position, I'm in my role, my influence, my impact, right, but I'm not going to let it happen again.

00:40:15.034 --> 00:40:24.697
Maybe I recognize it's going to take 12 months, two years to get out of my situation, but after that jumping and doing it, whatever the change is Right.

00:40:24.697 --> 00:40:27.208
So how do you recommend identifying red lines?

00:40:27.208 --> 00:40:36.036
Or you know certain whatever non-negotiables that you could stand on and say I'm going to go to that point, but I'm never repeating the rest of this.

00:40:36.925 --> 00:40:38.668
Yeah, I can share with you my non-negotiables.

00:40:38.668 --> 00:40:42.175
It's just the same every single day.

00:40:42.175 --> 00:40:46.572
It doesn't, and that helps you also get clear on your values.

00:40:46.572 --> 00:40:49.548
And what you care about Mine is faith.

00:40:49.548 --> 00:40:51.958
I do my devotionals first in the morning.

00:40:51.958 --> 00:40:54.146
It could be spiritual work, it doesn't have to be religious.

00:40:54.146 --> 00:40:55.971
It's faith fitness.

00:40:56.130 --> 00:40:57.835
I work out every single day.

00:40:57.835 --> 00:41:02.889
If I don't, I still need to move my body somehow, whether it's just movement and whatnot.

00:41:02.889 --> 00:41:06.335
Family, your relationships.

00:41:06.335 --> 00:41:16.175
You have to be in your relationship, you have to work on your relationships and have to be a husband, partner or anything like that, like it could be with yourself, and then it's going to be fulfillment.

00:41:16.175 --> 00:41:20.655
Work comes and then, last but not least, which is what we call freedom.

00:41:20.655 --> 00:41:25.804
Freedom is really equals to wealth or equals to like finances, however you want to call it.

00:41:25.804 --> 00:41:28.050
For me, money brings freedom right.

00:41:28.050 --> 00:41:29.331
So those are my five f's.

00:41:29.331 --> 00:41:44.132
Feel free to take it, but that's what my life on a daily basis revolve around and that's what my life is about, and because of that, I'm able to do what I need to do and really get deep in.

00:41:44.132 --> 00:41:46.878
Wow, what do I get to be responsible for today?

00:41:46.878 --> 00:41:49.269
If I didn't get to work out, who is it to blame.

00:41:49.269 --> 00:41:50.472
No blame, no shame.

00:41:50.472 --> 00:41:51.815
Okay, got it Noted.

00:41:51.815 --> 00:41:55.130
Feedback Okay, tomorrow or today, I can still.

00:41:55.130 --> 00:42:02.168
If the day is still going, if I have time to make a change right now, you can do that.

00:42:02.168 --> 00:42:03.791
So it's never too late.

00:42:04.333 --> 00:42:15.635
And the great thing is, when it comes to self-development and self-care, I have two things to say to everyone, and I hope this gives you a lot of hope is that you can't not get it wrong.

00:42:15.635 --> 00:42:24.597